ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

Electronically Ever After

Updated on June 20, 2020

Electronially Ever After

What is it that makes a person so much easier to love in paragraph form? I have had lunch with a person or two that I know, and care about, and still thought, ‘you would be so much better as an email right now.’ I have even allowed myself to fantasize about having our lunchtime chat over respective laptops, where my companion would be smarter, funnier, and far more interesting.

During one of the busiest times of my life I was in a long-distance relationship, and naturally, we had to resort to emailing quite often. To be frank, this man was grammar erotica. His writing was fresh, and intelligent without being verbose. His vocabulary and sentence structure were outstanding. And, lord, did he ever know how to turn up the heat with those well-placed commas, and the occasional, (biting my lip)…proper use of semi-colons. Is it getting warm in here? I was hooked, and deeply in love. I was in love, however, not with the man, but with phonics.

We were at one of his favorite restaurants on one of our dates, when my inner man-monitor declared, he’s not the one. My inner man-monitor can be a very unreasonable woman sometimes, so I really wanted her to be specific. I wanted her to explain herself, and give me sound reasons as to why he was not the one when we were so clearly right for one another. By all counts, if you ran the numbers, we were annoyingly perfect for each other. We had similar family backgrounds, similar values, similar goals, and similar interests. We were the same age, we both considered ourselves musical, and we had a phenomenal electronic connection. However, that night, it occurred to me that the idea of our relationship going much further than the table from which we were sitting across made me extremely itchy.

It certainly wasn’t anything he did wrong, it just had taken me some time to realize that I simply liked him more on paper than I did in person. It was one of the sad little glitches of being a prose junkie. By my best estimate, it’s not a reasonable thing to request from a man who thinks he wants to marry you to communicate with you in text message only. I believe someone wrote down somewhere that you can’t tell your husband, “hush, love, go and grab your laptop” anytime he wanted conversation, or foreplay for that matter. So, in the end, you just can’t trust the emoti-con. You’ve got to love out loud.


This website uses cookies

As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at:

Show Details
HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the or domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)
ClickscoThis is a data management platform studying reader behavior (Privacy Policy)