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Electronically Ever After

Updated on June 20, 2020

Electronially Ever After

What is it that makes a person so much easier to love in paragraph form? I have had lunch with a person or two that I know, and care about, and still thought, ‘you would be so much better as an email right now.’ I have even allowed myself to fantasize about having our lunchtime chat over respective laptops, where my companion would be smarter, funnier, and far more interesting.

During one of the busiest times of my life I was in a long-distance relationship, and naturally, we had to resort to emailing quite often. To be frank, this man was grammar erotica. His writing was fresh, and intelligent without being verbose. His vocabulary and sentence structure were outstanding. And, lord, did he ever know how to turn up the heat with those well-placed commas, and the occasional, (biting my lip)…proper use of semi-colons. Is it getting warm in here? I was hooked, and deeply in love. I was in love, however, not with the man, but with phonics.

We were at one of his favorite restaurants on one of our dates, when my inner man-monitor declared, he’s not the one. My inner man-monitor can be a very unreasonable woman sometimes, so I really wanted her to be specific. I wanted her to explain herself, and give me sound reasons as to why he was not the one when we were so clearly right for one another. By all counts, if you ran the numbers, we were annoyingly perfect for each other. We had similar family backgrounds, similar values, similar goals, and similar interests. We were the same age, we both considered ourselves musical, and we had a phenomenal electronic connection. However, that night, it occurred to me that the idea of our relationship going much further than the table from which we were sitting across made me extremely itchy.

It certainly wasn’t anything he did wrong, it just had taken me some time to realize that I simply liked him more on paper than I did in person. It was one of the sad little glitches of being a prose junkie. By my best estimate, it’s not a reasonable thing to request from a man who thinks he wants to marry you to communicate with you in text message only. I believe someone wrote down somewhere that you can’t tell your husband, “hush, love, go and grab your laptop” anytime he wanted conversation, or foreplay for that matter. So, in the end, you just can’t trust the emoti-con. You’ve got to love out loud.

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    • ahostagesituation profile imageAUTHOR

      SJ 

      10 years ago

      Great thoughts on this, Donnie. I think your theory is pretty perfect. And the book really *is* so much better than the movie, almost always. I write and talk pretty similarly, so the difference I saw/felt in this particular situation was a surprise to me. In all things, I think everything has to be weighed situationally, and individually. This guy was an excellent writer, and as I was very absorbed in that aspect, I missed, or ignored the piety. I hate to get too specific on a public forum, but I found myself wondering how it was that I fit his standards? I didn't think *he* could fit his own standards. It made me wonder if I was truly being myself around him. And I'm a person that has always erred on the side of mercy. If I choose to see the best in someone, and I'm wrong, I'm willing to take the hit, rather than find myself cynical. I'm not overly-critical of anyone. I didn't pick up on this polarity between us in print.

      I was waitressing before doing what I do now, and in all things I've done, I've had to get a sense of someone very quickly. Writing gives you a sense of a person, minus the day-to-day quirks, but there's so much more to a person than the paragraphs. And I guess that's my two cents, thanks for reading!!

    • ManOfIntegrity profile image

      ManOfIntegrity 

      10 years ago from Boston Massachusetts

      Hmmm, very interesting SJ!!! I guess I will think twice about becoming penpals with someone for an extended period of time, since she'd probably like me better in text.

      I do understand where you are coming from...and I have a theory.

      Basically, have you ever watched a movie after you've read the book of the same title? If so, you might have said: "The book was so much better!"

      Most people say this same thing. Why? In my humble opinion, it's because when we read something, we tend to fill in the unknown with how we would like it to be, or how we would like it to play out in our mind. Then, when we watch the film, someone else has done the work for us, and now we are forced to see things through their mind's eye. Many times we might have enjoyed the movie, had we not first read the book. Once we do, our expectations are higher, and many times we are let down.

      I think the same could be true with the electronic communication. Since we only see their words, and we can not hear the tone in their voice, or see their facial expressions as they type, we could easily paint a picture of who we think they are, as opposed to who they really are.

      I guess we each have our own way of communication that we enjoy. For me, although I love a woman who can express herself in print or text...I would so much rather a woman who could express herself openly and honestly while in my presence. If she can't hold a conversation across the table from me while sipping on a beverage, I wouldn't care how well she used semicolons. Anyway, that's my two cents. Thanks for the Hub, I enjoyed it,

      Donnie

    • ahostagesituation profile imageAUTHOR

      SJ 

      10 years ago

      Also, he had a lot of money and it made him very annoying. Not all it's cracked up to be ;-)

    • ahostagesituation profile imageAUTHOR

      SJ 

      10 years ago

      Yay, Kitty! GREAT to hear from you. In the guy's defense who this is about, I was coming from an awesome relationship with another guy. It didn't work out with that guy because we wanted very different things--he wanted to stay in MD, I wanted to leave. In the end he was willing to go with me, but I was taking such a big risk, I didn't want to risk him being unhappy. I ended it. "Electronically Ever After" guy--incredible man. Hardworking, musical, honorable etc. But he had this self-righteous/judgmental thing that hadn't come across in emails. It bugged me. I really liked his mom though, we got along great, too bad I couldn't have dated her. She was married :-). She was bummed I broke up with him.

    • kittythedreamer profile image

      Kitty Fields 

      10 years ago from Summerland

      Ohhh, so true SJ! I have heard many stories of women meeting men on the internet or even in person for a short period of time, to then revert to text messaging and emails between dates (with little to no real phone time) and then once they actually go out on dates with these men, they realize they are NOTHING like what they seem through the electro world! Great hub and good points here, as always. Voted up and awesome...how did I miss this hub before?

    • profile image

      Justsilvie 

      10 years ago

      I think you are totally correct.I also think people online are often the people they wish they were but somehow can't manage to be in real time.

    • ahostagesituation profile imageAUTHOR

      SJ 

      10 years ago

      Hi Silvie, I think in written form it becomes so easy to see how alike we are as human beings, and then we imagine connections that aren't real. I think it is also fertile ground for rushing into things. I prefer to give people the time and space to declare themselves--to show who they really are. I think too many find the online chance to portray themselves differently than who they are irresistible. Obviously, not everyone does, I certainly don't, but not seeing someone in real life is a cause for caution. But I guess no matter what you do, there's still the Scott Petersons of the world. I think I'm giving you a pretty strange response, but I'm going to leave it anyway. Thanks for reading, Silvie!

    • profile image

      Justsilvie 

      10 years ago

      . So, in the end, you just can’t trust the emoti-con. You’ve got to love out loud.

      This is so true. The most romantic person in the world online may just be someone lese in person.

    • ahostagesituation profile imageAUTHOR

      SJ 

      11 years ago

      Lamme, Hi, I'm SJ, thanks for the comment, and the mail. Funny how not so long ago we'd never know the difference between hanging out online, and hanging out in life. Very different things. In all fairness, the thing about my relationship is true, but I wrote this in good fun. I usually can make it through a lunch with the most obnoxious person on earth...even without emoticons. ;-).

    • Lamme profile image

      Lamme 

      11 years ago

      Very true, some people need to stay in a particular compartment in our lives. No matter what our desires or heart tell us, it's not always possible to cross over. Friends you have via email or Skype are not always those you want to keep in your everyday personal life.

    • ahostagesituation profile imageAUTHOR

      SJ 

      11 years ago

      Thank you hypnodude! Sad but true.

    • hypnodude profile image

      Andrew 

      11 years ago from Italy

      Very beautiful hub, and funnily true. Rated up.

    • ahostagesituation profile imageAUTHOR

      SJ 

      11 years ago

      Thanks, William!

    • William R. Wilson profile image

      William R. Wilson 

      11 years ago from Knoxville, TN

      LOL. Good hub!

    • ahostagesituation profile imageAUTHOR

      SJ 

      11 years ago

      Thanks, Tony! Love that, I might have worked for that manager at some point come to think of it. Thanks again.

    • tonymac04 profile image

      Tony McGregor 

      11 years ago from South Africa

      Ha ha! I once knew a person whoc could only relate through a keyboard! He spoke to everyone by email. No-one ever heard him say a word. Unfortunately he was a manager, a very bad one! Just kidding but that was somehow the image your vivid writing conjured up for me.

      Love and peace

      Tony

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