- Gender and Relationships»
Elizabeth Edwards-Finally a woman fights back
the real issue here is accountability
We see it over and over again. The man in the spotlight steps forward. Looks are the cameras and reporters and admits his failure to his family and the public who hold him in high regard as an example to them and their children. Usually next to him is a stone faced wife trying desperately not show her misery. The world turns their eyes to her rather than him. She becomes the object of ridicule. "Why is she there with him?" they all say. "Why doesn't she leave?" "what did she do wrong that he would go looking for other women", and the list goes on and on. She is the victim and suddenly she is guilty of all sorts of wrongdoings.
Once again, the man is just a man. Men do these things. It happens, its in their hormones. Men are always looking, they follow their genitals through life and not their brains. The excuses are endless for the guilty party, but somehow, not for his wife who has done nothing wrong except stand by him and say nothing in public.
What people seem to forget it that although she is quietly standing beside him, it does not mean she has said nothing. It does not mean she is completely okay with the humiliation she has just suffered at the hands of someone who was supposed to be her life partner. What it means is that it is not the business of the reporters, gawkers and the rest of the world who find this far more fascinating that what is really happening in our world. It is between herself, and her husband.
The other piece of this puzzle is the person that the adulterer cheated with. Did that person knowingly engage in a relationship with someone else's spouse? Marriage is a legally binding contract. Why would someone get involved with a man/woman who had made a legal commitment to another person? I have had this argument with friends who put the blame of an affair entirely at the feet of the spouse. He/she is the one who made the commitment, the lover is not the person who made the commitment so why would I want to blame them for anything. Well I do, and apparently so do others, since Elizabeth Edwards had filed and Alienation of Affection lawsuit against the woman who she feels interferred in her marriage.
That's not to say that good old John is blameless. No, those days are over. Men cannot use that helpless male, sick wife, tired wife, always paying more attention to the kids than me routine. Its enough already. Be a man and grow up. You got married, you had a family. Now you have problems. It goes with the territory. Find a good therapist and fix them. Don't go find another woman and think that is what will solve all. That is outdated and ridiculous thinking. Especially for a public figure who has no chance in heck of hiding what he did forever in this world of high tech spying tools.
Do I blame the lover as Elizabeth does? Yes, I do. Women have to stop behaving like this, If women want to be treated with respect than they need to stop acting like harlots. If a man is not free to be with, than don't be with him. Sex with another human being is a commitment. You are sharing the most sacred thing you have with him, Your body. You only get one of those in this lifetime, be a bit more selective who you share it with.
So you say you are in love with him. Honey, 9 times out of 10 he is not in love with you. People who commit adultery usually are harboring terrible feelings of lonliness and inadequacy. They are not coming to you because they are in love with you, they have a problem and you are now adding to it. Yes, what Elizabeth is doing is right. Women need to stop stabbing each other in the back and stand together for a change. If you really think you have feelings for this man tell him to decide what he is going to do with his marriage and once he has a solid answer than you will know what to do.
But be prepared, most of those men go back to their wives until they find another woman who does not take that stand. Now he has a wife and a lover. But he will usually choose the wife when pressed as what he wants. If he doesn't, then maybe you have a chance, however, always remember how you got that man. Now you have someone you can never fully trust. Was it worth it?
If all women stood together and said no, I will not sleep with you while you are married to someone else, things would be very different. Why don't we as women have that respect for ourselves? Why do women let married men use them? Why do the wives stay after they have been hurt multiple times? We wonder why as women we do not think we are important enough to say no. I deserve your full attention and love. I am not sharing.
Many women stay in an unfaithfull marriage because they simply do not want to give up the life that is associated with their spouse. In the case of the politicians wife, she may like the wealth, prestige and group of people she is acquainted with. If she chooses to end the marriage, she gives all of that up. Then she sits at home and watches the other woman reap the benefits of all the years she supported him along the way. She watches HER standing with the man she struggled to get through college, or low paying jobs or even with the children she raised with her former husband. For many women, ignoring the adultery is far more bearable.
So here it is in short. It is about accountability. Somewhere in this life we have forgotten about that. We are accountable for our actions. Everything we do, everything we say, it all affects other people. The good decisions, the bad choices, they are all important. We have to stop and think before we act. The man is married, the red flag should go up, the woman should walk away. The man should say, "what am I doing., I am married, either I fix it or I end it, this is not the way to behave."
Sect. 255.17 of the NY state penal law states that adultery is a class B misdemeanor in that state. Not many people realize this. However NY does not have the Alienation of Affection lawsuit. All of this is state to state. But women need to make a move towards looking out for themselves. They allow themselves to be called names that are demeaning to them. Women act in ways that make those words seem true. Women fought for many years, and still do, for equal rights. We still don't have all of them, but certainly far more than our grandmothers.
The outcome of all of this is yet to be seen. However, I hope that a lesson will be had for it all. The lesson that women should fight for their rights and respect. Women should not have to accept this behavior as something men just do. Women should not have to disregard the "other woman" because she is not part of the marriage. She is indeed part of this marriage. She needs to leave it, but she IS part of it when she knowlingly gets involved. It needs to stop. If all that Elizabeth Edwards accomplishes is that she fires up a few men to think twice before they cheat and that the would be mistresses take a look in the mirror and decide that they deserve their own spouse, not someone else's, she will have accomplished what she set out to do and will have maybe left a mark on this terribly messy situation. Or else women can simply get a golf club and beat their husbands with it when they cheat, that might end things......