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A Basic Key to Achieve Your Relationship Goals (That Most People Don’t Know)

Updated on February 8, 2019
Cornelia Lyman profile image

A psychology enthusiast who believe solving relationship's problems are like math. If it doesn't work, then you have to try another formula.

Marriage Goal
Marriage Goal | Source

Everyone has their own relationship goals

When people talk about a relationship goals, it usually associated with a romantic relationship. But unwittingly, every relationship has their goal, either it is a couple relationship, a friendship or even a parent-child relationship.

As a parent, you might encourage your child to behave in a certain way. Who don't wish for their children to becoming more caring and listening to an advice, right? Even a friend would hold some expectations to you. A relationship goals doesn't need to be openly declared. When you have an expectation to others (in a way how they must treat you), then it has became a relationship goals.

In this era, people start to peeking at each other relationship and naturally compare their relationship with others. It might break a relationship or even make it stronger than before, who knows?

Still, most people say that it's wrong to have a relationship goals based on other couple's relationship, but honestly in this era when everything is displayed online, it's hard to not compare yourself with others. Envy is part of human nature after all.

"Benign envy being proposed as a type of positive motivational force that causes the person to aspire to be as good as the "hero"—but only if benign envy is used in a right way." - a psychologist

So, don't feel discouraged. Envy isn't always a bad feeling. It is like a double-edged sword, and it's depend on you how to use it. As long as you hold the right edge, then it could be a motivation to becoming a better person. In this case, a motivation to building a better relationship.

Whether it is an original relationship goals or an envy-based relationship goals, I believe there's one main key to achieving your relationship goals.


Before we continue, let's do a little survey

What's your relationship goals?

See results

Equality and Relationship Goals

Personally, i think that equality is the most important core for every relationship. Many people may disagree by saying that love, mutual understanding or even an sacrifice would be essential for every relationship.

It's true that all of them are important, yet if there's no equality in your relationship, then at some point it will all crumbling down. It's like when you throw a gravel to the tree, it may just leave a little scratch. But, if you do it again and again, a huge scar would be left.

What I mean by equality isn't like gender equality, economy equality, etc. However, something more basic like, "How do you feel inside?"

If you often read or watch news, it's not unusual to hear about bullying, domestic violence (either between spouse or parent and child) or murders because of jealousy.

All of them are different case, with different motive. But, if we're trying to connect the dots between them, then there's one similarity, an inequality. In an extreme way, of course.

When there's an inequality or specifically the feeling of inequality in a relationship. It's impossible to reach your relationship goals, a mutual relationship goals it is.

Ironically, there're many people who doesn't realize that there's an inequality in their relationship. Even if it's not apparent, there would be a superior and an inferior one in a relationship. Of course it's not happen in every relationship. There're also a relationship that both parties are equal and I believe that it's a best relationship ever.


"A relationship is like a puzzle. If it's not fit, then it would break apart"
"A relationship is like a puzzle. If it's not fit, then it would break apart" | Source

Why equality is important for your relationship goals?

Before, I talk about the mutual relationship goals. I believe that the real relationship goals are not just about your relationship goals, but also your partner's goals.

Accomplish your relationship goals won't be easy, but it's way harder to accomplishing two goals at once.

Furthermore, it’s possible that you have different relationship goals from your partner.

When I was still in middle school, I had a friend that was really incredible in every aspects. An excellent grade, gorgeous drawings and even a talent for music. On the other hand, there's me, a pretty normal student with average grade. Cliche, right?

Somehow we clicked straight away (maybe because we shared the same interest) and became friend. We talked about many things, joined the same club and so on. But around six months later, we naturally grew apart.

If I looking back now, I think that the main reason why we're growing apart was because unconsciously, I felt inferior to her. When we argued, I usually drew back because I didn't have enough confident to face her. In some case, I also became dishonest about many things.

At that time, her friendship goal might be just about had fun together. But for me, it's important to be honest with each other.

It's the same with relationship between couple. Inequality might bring jealousy, dishonesty or adultery.

But with equality, there is a high possibility to achieving your relationship goals and even improve your quality of life.


Equality Opportunity

There're many people who are trying to define equality, but I believe there's one definition that would be totally relevant and realistic in this era.

Equality may perhaps be a right, but no power on earth can ever turn it into a fact.

— Honore de Balzac (Founder of realism in literature)

The thing is, you can try to become equal with others, but it won't guarantee that you will be equal to them. It's similar to the phrase that you can only change yourself not others.

But as the old saying goes, " Hard work never betrays. " - or in more realistic viewpoint, "It will pay off, even if it's only half of it."

Surely, the effort must be made by both sides, either it is an inferior side or a superior side. That is if what you want to accomplish is a real relationship goals.





Couple Goals
Couple Goals | Source

These are 5 + 1 tips to achieve equality in your relationship.

  1. If you feel that your partner more superior (that make you unable to say what's on your mind, what do you really want, etc), then trying to figure out why do you feel so.
  2. If it's about your feature, then trying to improve it and build some confident (by joining community, doing your hobbies)
  3. If it's not about your feature but your partner's personality, then talk to your partner about it.
  4. If you are on the superior side (you feel that your partner is distant or afraid of you), then trying to figure out why your partner feeling so.
  5. If it's about your partner's lack of confident, then encourage your partner to improve his/her confident.
  6. If somehow you feel like your relationship are eating you from inside, please consider to consult with a psychologist.

To accomplish your relationship goals, it's important to communicate with your partner about it. Sometimes, people believe that relationship goals doesn't need to be declared. But like love, if it's not declared, then how would they know about it?

Then, that concludes today topic about (my personal) main key to achieve a relationship goal. Do you have other experience or advice about relationship goals that you want to share?

I'd be really glad to hear your story.

This content is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge and is not meant to substitute for formal and individualized advice from a qualified professional.

© 2019 Ailenroca Lyman

Comments

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    • Cornelia Lyman profile imageAUTHOR

      Ailenroca Lyman 

      2 years ago from Somewhere Out There

      Hope you have a great times in hubpages community Bill :)

    • profile image

      bill woessner 

      2 years ago

      im glade i made someone happy

    • Cornelia Lyman profile imageAUTHOR

      Ailenroca Lyman 

      2 years ago from Somewhere Out There

      Thanks for stopping by Poppy. I'm still in learning process, but luckily I came across your hub and it help me so much. Also, thanks for the additional information, I'll surely update it later on.

      Good luck for both of us!

    • poppyr profile image

      Poppy 

      2 years ago from Enoshima, Japan

      Nice hub! You've got the basics of HubPages down. I believe Niels van de Ven said "Benign envy being proposed as a type of positive motivational force that causes the person to aspire to be as good as the "hero"—but only if benign envy is used in a right way." Hoping to see more of your work soon!

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