Everybody Hurts "A Transitional Analysis"
“Everybody Hurts” Is this something that is realistically embraced by each and every person? Or is it I hurt. In your own space of pain, can you sense that you are not alone in this somber place? Recently there was a post on my facebook timeline from Britain's Got Talent, there was a parish Priest singing a song, his name is Father Ray Kelly. I have heard the title of the song before but it never occurred to me how valid the words of the song really are and how applicable to all or to everyone. Who better to come forth and remind the world that everybody hurts. The whole world seems to be stuck in pain that is, for the most part, paralyzing, which can forfeit progressive and continuous strides forward.
My pain is not your pain, nor is your pain mine, the only relative aspect is that nevertheless, it is pain. Hurt appears to be a balcony or podium that everyone stands upon in order to be seen and heard. Some are heard in the grief and sorrow, and some are not heard at all, that doesn’t negate the fact that everybody has their own story of pain.
What I have found is that there is no answer for my pain, other than the discovery taking place within myself to pinpoint the cause. Pain takes on many forms, all of which are resident or associated with love or the proposed loss of love. The reach for different types of love are at our access, generally, without realization, they lie dormant and we gain our information through songs and other strides that vie for the attention which is exclusively for the type of love being experienced. Embracing the identity of who you are in conjunction with family and where the larger part of you really resides, will assist in finding out if your memory serves you the best that it can.
The Greek explains four types of love which are crucial to living whether you or Grecian or not. Agape (God love), Storge (Family Love), Phileo (Friend Love), Eros (Passion Love). All of these types of love are progressive and continuous. This writing is not so much about the process of formation, but the transition into the family we are born into, which falls under the auspices of the love known as "Storge" the love of family.
Storge (στοργή storgē) means "love, affection" and "especially of parents and children".[10] It is the common or natural empathy, like that felt by parents for offspring.[11] Rarely used in ancient works, and then almost exclusively as a descriptor of relationships within the family.
Commencement begins with our two parents loving each other, yet that love leads to who we are and become, as a result of the process of birth. Of course, I realize that there are many reasons which can expedite conception and birth, but regardless of those reasons, there was a love that navigated life even when not known. This writing is not so much about the process of formation, but the transition into the family we are born into.
The transition from birth into the family structure starts at birth; many roles as members of a family are given. Yet, the only one we will succeed or fail at will be our own role as the member we are or become. The first role we receive is the being of the child of two parents, whether parents are absent or nearby, nothing can change the fact that we are born to two parents. Most emphasis is placed on absenteeism of a parent, rather than making the transition into the role your birth called you into, be it a daughter or son. Your role has been chosen for you. The transition may be difficult, but how you go about it will be your own choice eventually.
In a normal family, we put on our new clothes of feminine (daughter) or masculine (son) how you wear your garments or clothes will ultimately begin and end with you. Parents, whether they raise children right or wrong will have to own up to their own failures, but children that are the result of failed parenting will not be able to excuse themselves at the expense of putting the blame on their parents. Of course, pain has a different voice than that of reason. Never except pain without wanting to know the reason for the pain and the cause or it will take on other shapes and disguises itself in various ways. Pain unattended can manifest itself as anger, bitterness, resentment, rejection and so on. Pain always aligns itself with love of some type and will mask its properties as a sign of failed love, but, love can never fail. Most of the time there is a probe needed into how it is perceived that love somehow has failed me, but, rather how have I failed love is a better discovery. Did I accomplish all that I could have done to allow love to stand tall through me or did I in my weakness fold when that weakness was really the road to the strength needed to complete my journey.
The transition we make into the family we are placed in will determine the overall excellence we desire as a family member. This is the biggest job title we will get, the role of family member, not allowing any outside influences to forfeit the role you have and not being overly concerned about other family members role, but what are you doing to make your family a success or failure. The easiest way out is blame, and whose fault it is for whatever it may be, instead of searching oneself for the answer to the membership as it pertains to self. When there is blame internalize it and ask is there something that I could have done to have adverted the pain if there is do I need to make some amends regardless of whose fault it is or do I run from myself by waiting for others to forgive and excuse me for anything that I have done. The help of forgiveness is only a marker for sorrow for wrongs that self is guilty of. On a human level think about all the unnecessary pain distributed because remorse for a wrong word or attitude could not be felt at the time of the transaction concerning something. There is a drastic difference between ignoring something and being ignorant concerning something. To ignore means a choice not to regard an issue or issues with consideration for their relevance; to be ignorant means you simply do not know or are not aware of things some think you should know but are not willing to intervene so that you will know and you then will be blamed for ignoring, and not being ignorant.
By my transition into a family, I mean my role is determined by the manifestation of who I am. I was born a girl, which translates into a daughter. Daughter of the parents I will always be until the end of my lifetime. I will always only be the daughter that I can be, although there is a mother, I can only be the mother that I can be, I can’t ever be the mother, nor should I desire to be and nor should she want to be the mother or daughter that I am or can be, the same with any female member of the family. When the truth is they can’t be me and I can’t be them.
Identity is a crucial and critical aspect of family roles. If one does not identify their roles properly there will be disorder and chaos. Roles plural because we can be many roles assigned according to gender, the female conception will ultimately break down into many parts and how those roles are managed and carried out are of the essence. The female has many roles that shape and mold identity. First being a daughter, granddaughter, then on she goes to sister, cousin, aunt and or mother. All of these roles assist in nurturing towards womanhood. Everyone hurts when these roles are not active in each and everyone as an individual, ignoring who one is in each aspect of a family because of lost heritage or ancestry is a deterrent to fulfilling family love. One may not know or get a recorded family, and that is pain enough, not to have a sense of belonging anywhere, but either you will control it or it will control you because nothing that happens in life can take away the fact that you are someone’s daughter. The father and the mother of who you are lives through you. Assessment of your character should be prevalent in seeking or understanding who you are because an unexamined life isn’t worth living, not to examine me has been my biggest detriment and obstacle and regret. Better late than never is the motto I will have to live with, even when I would that I could have just known better to do better.
If you notice, I have omitted terms such as brother, son, uncle, grandfather etc, which are supporting roles but none are applicable to what I can ever be, I can’t be a father because that only comes in a masculine and I don’t and will never believe in any roles assigned to my femininity being interchangeable with man. Sometimes the pain in the loss of a masculine role within family takes on too many shapes, but none of these shapes should dictate to femininity to change roles because of the absence of or neglect of a male role to assist in the process of being the best girl or woman that you can be. A family doesn’t come with an instruction manual, although it probably should. We have to adlib or rehearse as we live instead of knowing what is expected of us. Why? Because of many things, such as separation, divorce, and death that veers family off course and aborts purpose embedded in and for family structure.
The term abort is a strong word to use, but I have given it considerable thought. People choose abortion after the conception of a child, but abortion should have taken place before conception, by restraining until in covenant, abstinence is the only abortion which can be justifiable, aborting the idea to delve into meaningless erotic relationships without considering consequences, then you care, over what is conceived. abortion of the sin fornication, adultery which can form a sinner through these acts should be the aborted qualities to ensure that conception and birth could be productive and that transition into the family and household could manifest, according to the paradigm and standard which articulates success. There is a structure for family that must be adhered to or family will crumble and fall as a result.
Somethings you just wish you knew, If I were to be married in the proper context of the word, with all that is required for covenant in this fallen world and because of the fallen state, I would like that both the husband and I abort sin out of our lives through the power of repentance and that it be aborted from and over any child that would even be a conception. If sin is aborted, there would be no need to abort a fetus. Conception is supposed to have thought as what is being formed or sin forms what it will then transition into a family is stunted because no thought preceded conception. There should be time between the conception and its launch. We like to believe in being preordained by God but aborted through parents who didn’t give us any thought. Then why are we here, just to be the byproduct of an existence that never makes much sense, if you fail to see that no matter what went on with parents, birth and transition after birth are not ever addressed until we take our full form.
Transition into family comes with reinforcements which must be grounded into who they are as well. Motherhood is a role that I haven’t understood until very late in the day, perhaps at old dark thirty. The impact that it provides apart from the process of birth and ween. The transition to being a daughter, and a girl child, if not provided with wealth doesn’t come with the fixings of the being that wealth can produce. The schooling or outlets for talent expression in a proper manner are not the realities at hand. Instead of struggle and only struggle produced who I am and how I think today, Most recent struggle, and will find any way to avoid it, but your struggle is your investment into who you are, it will make you or it will break you. Motherhood isn’t something I was allowed to experience in terms of raising a child. Although this may be my infirmity it has not canceled who I am, the daughter of the parents, only the end of time and death can rescind, whose daughter I am. Not knowing what follows death, doesn’t provide me with whether the role of a daughter will be a reality according to nature has testified to, about, or of me. In time, the role of girl and woman has kept me and preserved me towards my womanhood. The feminine role has really been the best me yesterday, today and hopefully tomorrow. I have had so much help in being who I am from every office of family, friends and just in general, in their own way, because I have memories that outshine all the woes. It depends on the outlook you take to being, no matter where it is that you have to be, just be you.
The bottom line is identified in that I can never be a male, therefore, I can not navigate in the body of a woman as such, and not be having an identity crisis. The greatest gift my parents have given me is to be. Not to have anything that overrides just being who I was manifested to be and become, not the profession title I would glide into but the title I was given, daughter, granddaughter, sister, niece, cousin, and aunt. I can be all of these every day and in every way, but I can’t be the one that someone else can be. I cannot be my mother and she cannot be me. It is because of her carrying me that I have the right to transition into all of my offices and they are all my offices, as well as other members of the family offices as well.
The use of personal pronouns was taught, but, have they been understood and exercised through writing and verbal expression in the manner intended? I have endeavored to understand how to use what is meant by personal pronouns such as, me, myself and I, or they which express distinction and that help to distinguish not only people one from another but to also distinguish myself from others. Me, myself and I should only depict something that pertains to me alone. What if I say, “my father and I” would I be telling the absolute truth or lying? I would be prevaricating because I don’t have the potential to be a father because fathers are males and I am a female. This claims ownership of his fatherhood, when he could claim ownership of me, but I can’t really claim ownership of him without ignoring who he has given me to claim, just myself. Fathers, whether they are present or absent, have given sons and daughters the gift of themselves to live until that time expires. The language discombobulation or babble is out of control in the way that men are now referring to women when more than one as you guys. You guys speak of men or boys when present, but if there are none present, is this the proper way to address women in a group? No, it is the residue from the confoundment of Babel.
The use of personal pronouns helps in distinguishing offices that only are mine, from offices that are others. Me, myself and I are my personal pronouns. If I say, my sister, it is interpreted to mean that I am talking about someone other than myself. Then why did I say my sister, because I am probably outside of the family structure in another zone because if I were inside the household I would call sister by her name and it is understood immediately who I am referring to. Outside of the family structure is another zone. Outside of the family structure babel and confoundment take place, why is it acceptable for me to say my sister outside the house and I am not even talking about myself, because of the link within the family structure that links her sisterhood to me. The ownership of my sisterhood is only mine, her sisterhood really doesn’t belong to me, but to her, she is her own sister, the one that she can be, that because of relativity we share a bond. This is a paradox, a seeming contradiction, but it would merely have to be deciphered, understood and applied correctly.
I was given a father, but I can never be a father. In life, a daughter can carry a son that can one day be a father, but through another household. A father is a masculine, it is not something any woman can be with the body of a woman, nor should she try. A daughter really doesn’t own a father, but a father can own a daughter through the process, but a father can never be the daughter, nor should he try because he can produce a daughter who is absolutely distinct from him and the mother. These are the awesome truths overlooked when we do not transition into family according to the natural paradigm prescribed over family. It is the father and mother who has granted the role as daughter or son, to be a connection or link within the family structure, to transition in means that there are others there already. If there are older siblings, where ever my place is, it is there that my spot is secure in this established spot. I am already a sister, daughter.
This is a good place to look at (Deuteronomy 22:5), The woman shall not wear that which pertaineth to a man, neither shall a man put on a woman’s garments: for all that do so are abomination unto the Lord thy God. This speaks deeper than merely wearing physical garments and attire that only a woman would wear, it resonates identity, and expresses itself to me to not wear the nature I was not created or formed to have, understanding this helps to understand why it would offend God, because it should offend me to have to put on a role that is not my own and lose my identity in the process and offend God as well, in doing so, because the male and female roles must be distinct and distinguishable, but it will take all the honesty that I can muster up to take this reproof and experience compliance to it and not be offended to become an offense. All of this information is retrospective and is a glance and glimpse of what the aspect of love defined as “storge” looks like, that to my knowing, only the Greek have provided information which triggers deeper depth into how to stand in roles given by parents, which we take for granted.
