- Gender and Relationships»
- Relationship Problems & Advice
Everybody Hurts (Simple Emotional Analysis)
We all know at least one person like this. They’re the ones who are always comparing people, always with an opinion, and usually they’re the miserable people at the party. If they have a problem they’ll get upset if you don’t listen to them and agree, but the second you get irritated or angry about something they act like you’ve committed an offense against humanity itself.
They are very smug individuals that if you’re red in the face, even justifiably, they will make a remark like, “You’re complaining about this and that, we all complain so much, and look at this group of people over here…” Blah Blah Blah…
Don’t get me wrong, they do have a point, I won’t take that from them, but what I’m saying is, “Do they know the meaning of empathy?””
Yes, I do know individuals that will give to charities, have compassion for the poor, sick and starving, and they do help, but they simply can’t (or won’t) connect with other people’s situations and genuinely see their perspectives and have compassion for them unless they are in dire straits. I do believe that’s a major part of relationships--connecting on an emotional level. And yes, I also believe that a lot of men lack certain types of empathy because subconsciously they think it will make them seem too vulnerable (in other words weak). Other men are just too stubborn and want their way. Women who do this are mainly narcissists and/or spoiled. And no, I don’t think it’s healthy to be this way.
So if your girlfriend comes home near tears or your boyfriend comes home ranting over something you deem “petty”, maybe you should think before comparing her situation to anyone else’s (even in your head). That is, if you’re the one that’s doing this in the relationship or friendship (I often wonder if they even know they’re doing it). If you’re the one that’s getting this done to you, I do believe that if it seriously bothers you, you need to talk to that person and air it out because unless you do I doubt they know it bothers you and it will always continue. You have to tell people what you want and what you feel or you’ll never be satisfied and they’ll never know that you had an issue.
Whether it’s a relationship between a couple, friendship, or family we all want to feel as though we’ve been dealt with on an individual basis. That it doesn’t matter what the next person does because it has nothing to do with you. Of course not everyone will understand and sympathize with every single problem you have, but the bottom line is that we want them to care if we care about them and their feelings and their dreams and their opinions. If you care about them and they claim to care about you, why wouldn’t it matter?
If you love someone and they’re truly in your heart you shouldn’t lump them in a category with anyone else anyway. If you have enough space in your heart to love them, you should have enough space to put them in their own category. Everybody hurts at some point, even your pets. Just as they deserve your love and attention, they also deserve your sympathy and empathy.
Parents especially do this. If their child doesn’t want to do something or if they haven’t done a certain thing or done it right the parent goes right for the jugular and compares them to the child who is doing it. If it’s meant to be in an encouraging way, I get it, but when it’s manipulative (and dare I say, childish itself), that’s when it hurts. In case you’re confused, I’ll give you an example:
Encouraging example: “Look at how your little brother and sister finished their peas for dinner. Come on, they’re good for you.”
Dangerous and Mean example: “You practice that piano all day everyday and yet you can’t be as good as Eileen across the street.”
Those are the ones that hurt the most and they stay with us, but we can either learn from their mistakes and forgive, or we can be angry and let it build and go on to repeat the cycle all over again.
We all want to be in our own category. Everybody’s shoes pinch at some point if we’re willing to take a hypothetical walk in them, whether they’re in Manolo Blahniks, Nikes, an off brand from Wal-Mart, or if they’re barefoot. I’m not saying that I would boo-hoo for the women that missed their flight to Paris so they could see a fashion show necessarily, and I refuse to feel any sympathy for someone who racks up an $11 million debt buying designer clothes and a mansion (I don’t care if that sounds hypocritical to you, that’s nothing to feel sorry for someone about), but you can dare to at least feel something for those you care about and claim to love when they come to you with their problems. Why should you care about their problems? Because they’re their’s.
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