- Gender and Relationships
Everything To Me: My Wonderful Wife
I began writing some hubs recently about healthy relationships. It occurred to me that I need to write about the most important relationship I have on this earth: my relationship with my wife. Her name is Cynthia and we have been married for a little over 19 years. Our wedding day was April 18th, 1992. After all these years, I am still crazy about her. We have had some ups and downs, but through it all we have remained, above all, best friends. I can tell her anything without being afraid that she will judge me. She may get upset or angry, but she doesn't condemn me. The most important thing is that she believes in me. When no one else does, she does.
We met through a mutual friend when she was sixteen. There was an immediate attraction. I spent the better part of an afternoon flirting with her. I worked at an arcade in our local mall, which is where we met. After work, I took off to hang out with some friends. I found out later that she came by after I left to try to go out with me. She was going to break the date she already had! She couldn't find me so she went out anyway. I tease her now that she should have broken her date anyway. She laughs and says she couldn't be dateless on a Friday night. We did go out the next day, and we have been together ever since.
We were engaged in August of 1991. She was seventeen by this time and I loved being with her. I was twenty-three and ready to settle down. Several of my friends asked me why I was attracted to someone quite a bit younger than me. If we had been in our twenties, the age difference wouldn't have mattered as much. But since she was under age, it was a concern to some of my friends. Well, first of all, she is physically beautiful: pretty face, great body, great looking legs. In fact, when she first walked into the arcade, I was doing some cleaning right at floor level. All I saw of her when she first came in was her legs; She was wearing a denim mini-skirt. I thought "If the top half looks as good as the bottom half, I am going to marry that girl".
But she also was a lot of fun to be around; very confident and relaxed She also let me be a gentleman for her. The girls I went out with in high school were all so independent, they wouldn't let me open doors for them, or buy a meal for them. It was very frustrating because I was raised to be a gentleman. She wasn't like that. She loved that I opened doors for her. I have to admit though, I was afraid that her age would be a problem. I was ready to settle down, but I thought she might want to party for a while. You know, sow her wild oats. But I loved her and decided I would cross that bridge if we came to it.
And Baby Makes Three
We had our first child the same year we were married. Looking back, I am still not sure how Cynthia made it through that year emotionally. Between the months of April and October, we got married, she graduated high school a month later, and then gave birth to our son, Seth. Whirlwind of a year to say the least. The concerns that I had about her settling down were calmed after Seth was born.She was so happy to be a mother. All she wanted was for our family to be well.
We stayed with my in-laws the first week of his life so my wife would have some help while I was at work. After the fourth day, I could tell Cynthia was getting worn out. I told her to let her mother watch the baby for about an hour, and we would go to town so she could get a break. We went to a local store to rent a video. While we were there, we ran into some of her friends. They asked about the baby, and Cynthia broke down crying."He is so pretty! I am a bad mother for being here!" she said. I had to calm her down, but it made me realize what a great mother she was going to be.
And Then There Was Four
We had our second child, Victoria, in 1996. Again, Cynthia proved what a great woman she is. She fell totally in love with Victoria as soon as she found out she was pregnant. I wanted a girl very badly. We had always talked about having a boy first, then a girl. About a week after Christmas 1995, I came home from work and found a present under the tree with my name on it. I get mad at first because we were supposed to be done with presents. She told me to quit being a jerk and open it. Inside, there was a pink, crocheted baby throw. It took me a minute then asked her if she was pregnant. She said yes! That is the kind of woman she is; she could have just told me, but wanted it to be special for me.
I remember that when she was carrying Victoria, everyone around us kept telling us it would be a boy. They said she was carrying too low to be a girl. Her doctor even said it! I would rub her belly every night and say Victoria's name at the same time. After a while, it became our little joke. I would do that every night and Cynthia would giggle. But she never once discouraged me, or said it wouldn't work; not even one 'crazy' comment. When the time came for the ultrasound, though, there was our little girl. Everyone was shocked! The doctor checked twice to make sure.
As with most marriages, we have had our share of problems and victories. From February 2010 until June of this year, however, we experienced the hardest time of our married lives. There wasn't any one thing that was wrong. It was more a difference of life views. We had two different sets of views on very critical life issues. It resulted with a separation in May of this year. We were separated for about a month. At the end of that, we decided we still loved each other and wanted to grow old together. One of the obstacles we faced in our emotions during the separation was the need to save our marriage. Now, I know that sounds odd, but hear me out. In our Southern culture, and church culture, we have been exposed to the idea of 'marriage is an institution'. There is more emphasis on the 'marriage' than there is on loving each other. People around here still define their morality, and spirituality, by appearances. So what happens is that people stay in miserable marriages for the sake of the 'institution'.
We decided we were not going to do that. What is our marriage anyway? It is a by-product of loving each other. We decided to not 'save' our marriage. We decided to reconnect to each other. Without that, marriage is pointless. It drives me crazy when people try to be 'noble', but never put forth effort for the other person. So we are enjoying each other every day. I have to say, it has ignited a great passion in both of us. The flames of lust are alive and well! And shouldn't they be? There have been other problems this year as well, but I know we will come through them. She makes me feel as though I can overcome anything and accomplish everything. I am so thankful to God for her!
Cynthia, you are my love, my lover, and my best friend. You are a great mother to our children ( and our dogs). I hope you hear my intent in this: to honor you for the wonderful, awesome, beautiful woman you are. I can't wait to see what the next twenty years brings us. Thank you for your strength and your heart. Thank you for loving me!