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Falling in Love with Someone in an Arranged Marriage

Updated on April 3, 2018
DDE profile image

Devika enjoys sharing her work with a friendly community. Writing is a big part of her life. Online work has improved her lifestyle.

True love works best

I find that hard to believe that two individuals can fall in love with each other after meeting for an arranged marriage.

There is that sense of feeling but for other reasons instead of love and happiness.

She met a man and wanted what she did not have in her life.

Living with her parents for most of her life and acting out her singe motherhood duties showed her it was time to find someone to take care of her.

Is she in love with this man?

I don't think she is in love with this man.

Can you fall in live with someone you don't know?

They met on a Sunday and within a month from that Sunday they arranged to marry.

Was it love or the need to get used to each other?

To have everything she never had and to be with someone who can provide with her needs.

Surely she found her happiness in his wallet rather than his heart. They are not the happiest unless he has satisfied her with some money or bought her something nice.

An arranged marriage is not always about true love, or is it?

They chatted for a while and found chemistry between them.

The woman knew what she got herself into from talking about the man through a friend.

The friend knows the man and decided to get the two together.

The excitement led to wedding arrangements and and the rich man took her in so he can take care of her.

He held on to his promised word and walking away is not how he chose to deal with the situation. She needed him and he needed a helper,

She forces his touch on her and tries to make everything look perfect in their marriage a hard way to achieve a good marriage.

The good times are welcomed better than the hard working times in this marriage.

When couples get to used to each other they can't live without one another.

The confusion of in love with someone and loving one becomes a problem in simple relationships.

He likes his place and home and would rather work around the fields and work his day job instead of travelling to her place.

When they travel to her place about four hours away she is the happiest.

Her actions show how happy she is and that tries to show to others that she is happy in her marriage.

The problem with that behavior the happiness is used in a different way.

Mostly, when visiting her family. At times shopping makes her happy. She has stopped her husband from going on with his normal routine.

He is not allowed to visit friends like he did in the past. The gradual change has made him unhappy. In his eyes he took her under his wing so she could everything needed and he will have a helper.

All changed in a different way. She has everything for herself and is not the helper he had in mind.

Life changed for two people and happiness is not in their eyes. Their stressful lives are taking over slowly.

The arranged marriage has brought unhappiness to this man and he pretends to be happy.

It shows on his face that he was happier before marriage.

Certain arranged marriages don't work out but couples still choose to stay together with the idea that that is how marriages are for everyone.

In my opinion it is not the same as any other marriage. You don't know your partner and through the marriage the little surprises open up your eyes to someone ruining you.

He wants to change her to make her what she is not however, the woman sees her happiness is found in her needs and falls into his sweet conversations. The 'I do for you, and you do for me,'' kind of relationship is how it is all coming together.

You can be attracted to anyone at first sight and want to have that person in your life it won't work for you if you think of your needs only.

Arranged marriages work out for specific reasons.

It is cultural and sometimes couples force their arranged marriage to work.

A bad idea!

In this case, he wasn't sure if he would marry. She was sure to marry him after learning more from a friend. The information she got from her friend led her to believe this man is for her.

To fall in love with someone you don't know can be a problem in the marriage.

In the example provided the woman has no idea of what her husband likes or dislikes.

His habits annoys her.

No compromises between them.

She doesn't get him in conversations.

Often her way is the best way.

The constant pleasing is making him unhappy.

Arguments between them leave each other not talking for hours.

Angry moments are not understood.

He is judgmental toward her in the presence of others and makes her feel less-worthy.

Other people mean more to him than her.

The stressful moments have caused him to have high blood pressure issues.

Meals are not cooked often, eat what is there is easiest.

He changed her life in a good way and has to face up with her nagging and her constant picking on him.

The tough decision to stay with her is of cultural reasons.

People in love don't behave this way.

Commitment is crucial to a relationship and that I do see here but it is mostly about her needs and not so much of his needs.

They are used to each other and live that way.

True love is not about attractiveness and annoyance.

He married because his friends are married. Falling in love with someone that you have not met or had no idea of from before is a challenging effort. She requires his full attention another part of a relationship that often is a problem.

A traditional man and don't see it that way.

Communication in this arranged marriage has failed.

Traditionally the marriage is right for him he wants a one sided marriage. The kind of marriage where he can show his dominance toward her but, is unhappy with the arrangement. She seeks the good and avoids the bad times.

In her mind the good is happiness and the bad is not part of her marriage.

Poor understanding and communication is a down fault of many couples.

She has a son from her first marriage and the connection between now the stepfather and the step son is far from close.

The stepson doesn't show any bad vibes he is not close to this man and looks at his mother as being rescued from her previous life.

The families from both sides see how each individuals have changed. She changed in having a good life and he changed for her and has become somewhat unhappy.

They have a commitment but are not totally clued up in their relationship. There is an interest for each other and don't understand each other in many aspects.

The lack of a connection between them is not seen closely. She don't trust him and often checks who calls him on this cell phone. The signs of jealousy and insecurity when he speaks to other woman friends.

Do you think love can grow between him and her?

People need to understand the emotions of each other.

How do you know for sure if he loves you?

On the surface their marriage is happy and full of smiles.

The tension between the couple is seen when together at home.

The constant arguments in their relationship is gradually changing him.

Why should any one in the relationship change for the other?

You change gradually but for good reasons.

True love does not make you want to be something you are not.

Acceptance plays a big part of a marriage.

You accept one another not change them for you who want them to be in your eyes.

He is disappointed to have this woman in his life he was not her first love.

Moving on to a new chapter without expressing one's feelings is hard for both.

The problem here, the couple are not educated about relationships in a marriage. They approach their marriage in a traditional manner.

It is important to be educated about such issues in life.

People are different and have their unique ways to guarantee their relationships.

You can't force yourself to fall in love with someone you don't know in an arranged marriage. It is stupid to think it will work out. He likes her and she likes him. Love is not in their favor.

He shows her empathy.

He meets the needs of her and lacks his needs.

I don't think it is possible for two people to fall in love in an arranged marriage.

They get used to one another and take their lives for granted.

She is there and will always be there because he is taking care of her needs.

Friends think they know what is best for a couple and encourage relationships. These friends don't have a clue of what goes on in a relationship.

Often expecting the relationship to be as theirs or any other traditional one.

Traditional marriages

Source

Do Arranged Marriages work?

Marriages

Do you think love can grow in an arranged marriage?

See results

© 2016 Devika Primić

Comments

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    • DDE profile imageAUTHOR

      Devika Primić 

      2 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      jtrader thank you for stopping by I appreciate your comments.

    • jtrader profile image

      jtrader 

      2 years ago

      I think those problems can exist in all marriages. As you pointed out, if people are educated about how to make a relationship succeed, they have a better chance of building strong love. Selfishness doesn't work.

      Even if only one person is continually selfish, gradually the unselfish party will become exhausted.

    • DDE profile imageAUTHOR

      Devika Primić 

      2 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      Hi FlourishAnyway me too thank you for stopping by.

    • DDE profile imageAUTHOR

      Devika Primić 

      2 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      poetryman6969 In Europe depending on which part the traditional lifestyle still exists. Thank you.

    • FlourishAnyway profile image

      FlourishAnyway 

      2 years ago from USA

      I cannot fathom marrying a stranger.

    • DDE profile imageAUTHOR

      Devika Primić 

      2 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      Hi swilliams arranged marriages are difficult I know of an arranged marriage but she married for money and is living in a fairy tale. Thank you for comments.

    • poetryman6969 profile image

      poetryman6969 

      2 years ago

      As we do not have this tradition here I am not sure what to make of it. I am concerned when I see what is happening in Europe with the economic refugees about one culture being imposed upon another.

    • profile image

      swilliams 

      2 years ago

      Wow DDE what an interesting topic! I actually know of a woman who has been married for over twenty years, her marriage was arranged, she shared that it was difficult at first, however where there is faith there is hope. Great article!

    • DDE profile imageAUTHOR

      Devika Primić 

      2 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      Ericdierker, thank you for showing up here always appreciated.

    • DDE profile imageAUTHOR

      Devika Primić 

      2 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      emge Thank you for stopping by. A difficult topic when most don't understand.

    • DDE profile imageAUTHOR

      Devika Primić 

      2 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      always exploring thank you for sharing that I appreciate it.

    • DDE profile imageAUTHOR

      Devika Primić 

      2 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      AliciaC thank you and understand your point.

    • AliciaC profile image

      Linda Crampton 

      2 years ago from British Columbia, Canada

      As others have said, I don't know much about arranged marriages or their success rate. The idea of an arranged marriage instead of a love marriage does make me very uneasy, though.

    • always exploring profile image

      Ruby Jean Richert 

      2 years ago from Southern Illinois

      I have no idea how that would work. I wouldn't make a judgement since I know nothing about the subject.

    • billybuc profile image

      Bill Holland 

      2 years ago from Olympia, WA

      It's such a foreign subject for me about a cultural activity I am clueless about...but thank you for sharing your thoughts on it.

    • emge profile image

      Madan 

      2 years ago from Abu Dhabi

      Interesting post Devika. I can understand your sentiments

    • Ericdierker profile image

      Eric Dierker 

      2 years ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

      Interesting on a subject I know nothing about. Makes me wonder.

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