Feeling Like Everything Was All For Nothing
My fiance and I have been together for almost two years. Every couple has their arguments, but our last one was the worst. He told me things I never would have thought he would tell me, and now I can't look at him or our relationship the same.
Our relationship has apparently been over for about a year now. That's what he said. That he wanted to pack his belongings up and leave. Everything was my fault because of how I act.
I work a full time job, go to school full time, them come home to cook and clean the house. I also take care of our dog and clean up after her. He works full time, almost 80 hour weeks every week. I understand that. You would think when he gets home that he would want to spend any moment he can before bed. Nope. He would rather sit in a different room and pretend I don't exist.
He doesn't go out and it is my fault considering that he works 16 hour days. I make him work that apparently. Not true at all.
It is my fault he doesn't have a life, or that there is never anytime. Its a big deal when I don't cook or clean because I worked a 12 hour shift at the hospital and I am tired from caring for everyone else.
Everything is me, anytime that we fight. Always me.
Then the day after, he wants to be all lovey and everything. Like nothing ever even happened. After those words came out his mouth, I feel like I don't know how to feel anymore. I have put my heart and soul into everything we have. I know I am young, but a person can only take so much. I can only be pushed so far, until I am pushed over the edge.
I have always done for others my whole life. Now I am finally doing myself and everyone is trying to hold me back. I am breaking free and doing what I need to for my future self.
I love this man to death, but I can't keep waiting to see if anything will change. It is like waiting for rain in a drought. Pointless.
I've been pushed, and beat my whole life when everything was "wrong", but now I can't.
I am done being someone's doormat. I need to be my own person.