- Gender and Relationships»
- Relationship Problems & Advice
Twenty years ago, I started working on my 'issues', knowing that I needed help having healthy relationships.Back then they called it "reparenting your inner child". I thought that getting an awareness and education early, getting help early, would make everything easier. I thought that it would give me a fighting chance of having a healthy marriage, children, and a happy life. Well, an early start didn't guarantee anything except that I have an uncanny understanding of the human psyche. I know how people will normally react and the range of feelings they will have. I know psychology. I have developed a very detached view of relationships, and always thought I could predict the outcome of every relationship way before anything went wrong. I really couldn't. I am strong, I can stand on my own and I deeply love and care for my family and friends. I'm still in counseling and realizing that I think I've done more to make sure that relationships did go in the direction of my predictions. I will not take the blame for the result of all of my relationships, but I will take responsibility for my share of the blame. I am not responsible for the actions and reactions of others, but I am in control of myself. I have realized that I've been carrying inspirational verses with me for years, and until now, didn't really know why. I'm on my own and working on me and happy about that. I'm writing this to share some thoughts about some of the positive inspirational verses I've been carrying. The main point I would like to share is one of faith and hope - although its taken me twenty years to finally really understand some simple things, its never too late to learn. And no one is too old to find that happiness that they feel has eluded them their entire lives. That is what has always driven me - faith and hope. May we all find the key to our happiness.
“The beginning of love is to let those we love be perfectly themselves and not to twist them to fit our own image. Otherwise, we love only the reflection of ourselves we find in them.” ~Thomas Merton
Just how many divorces could this have prevented? But on the other hand, how many marriages would it prevent if we were capable of understanding ourselves on that level and seeing the situation from a bird's eye view?
"Value your time, your body, and your heart. Do not give them away to anyone who does not deserve them." ~ Unknown
(I wish I had heard this exact quote thirty years ago. I would have stashed it away in my journal and remembered it word for word. It would have become a mantra for my life. That's the kind of relationship I had with quotes that struck a deep chord within me. I'm so glad I heard it now, I'll never forget it. These few words, and all I needed was to know I had permission to make this choice on my own. No one ever said this to me in this way before. It seems so simple, laughable even...that a grown woman, fully bloomed should now read this and find some kind of freedom in it. It doesn't have to make sense.)
Just when the caterpillar thought the world was over, he became a butterfly.~ proverb
(Change is scary. And a big change sometimes feels as if we are facing a death of ourselves, but what results can be a freedom of our spirit into a new phase of life we could never reach, had we not taken that leap of faith.)
which leads me right into another favorite saying
"Sometimes you just have to take the leap and build your wings on the way down."
— Kobi Yamada
(I don't recommend this tactic as its not for everyone...but I seem to do it quite often. Probably more than I should. It is an exciting way to live your life, and all kinds of surprises will greet you around many corners. Sometimes it does work out wonderfully, and sometimes it doesn't although you put every ounce of energy, thought and prayer into it. It has lead me to the understanding that there is a reason for everything. And we learn through everything. Successes and failures. So really, there are no failures, if you learn valuable lessons and don't keep repeating the same patterns. Take those leaps of faith and love with your head and heart - build your wings on the way down - but don't be surprised if you don't exactly land where you think you should. Be flexible and keep going. That's the adventure.)
"Most obstacles melt away when we walk boldly through them." ~ Orison Swett Mardin
(I blame this trait on my stubbornness. And it can help you get to where you need to be but it can also get you into places you were better off staying out of. I believe that obstacles are put in our way for a reason. And its not so we boldly bore through them and climb over every one...but its so we we stop, take notice and analyze the situation. It's nature's way of giving us one more pause, it's like a huge "Are you sure?" sign. We can ignore it and say Yes! every time. Sometimes we don't have to ask; sometimes it's not a natural obstacle at all and to give pause is to doubt when we should not. Sometimes and obstacle is another person, with a motive - or not. I'm just saying, that the older I get the more I realize that obstacles are signs that teach us about things - sometimes we are sure of the destination, but the obstacles are the real learning points. Read them before you barrel through them. Maybe this lesson is just for me...I don't know.)
"You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have. ~ unknown
We often find out just how strong we are when faced with a crisis that puts all of our physical, mental and spiritual beliefs to test. Can we really come through for ourselves? For others who need us? Can we keep a clear head? Can we make good decisions? Are we that strong or will we bend under that kind of pressure? You only truly know the answers to these questions when you are faced with a life altering, earth shaking situation.But there are ways to prepare, the question is, will you?
"If we did all the things we are capable of doing, we would literally astound ourselves." ~ Thomas Edison
(They say we only use 10% of our brain; I don't think that's true. I've seen how different parts of our brain control different parts of our body but it amazes me how the brain has the ability to heal itself. You can literally have brain damage and other parts of your brain can take over to do functions that the damaged parts could not. I believe we all are capable of doing more than we are, but we have limitations. So many limitations I can only scratch the surface: generally all are physical, mental or spiritual by nature. But if we were purely spiritual or light beings capable of anything we thought with no limitations, Mr. Edison, I agree, we would astound ourselves - but I also think if we were these light beings, we would be free of the ego, so it would still just be all in a day's work :)
"Well-behaved women seldom make history." ~ Laurel Thatcher Ulrich
(I don't think I need to explain why I love this quote but I will anyway. I LOVE to laugh; I love to laugh so hard that I can't breathe. I have been known to fall on the floor laughing; and even scream because something is so funny. I am a visual person, if you tell me something I immediately see it in my head. My brain will take it and run with it. I laugh at inappropriate times and do not disguise it well at all. This is my most vulnerable.
My best friends in the world are the ones who have made me laugh the hardest and continue to this day to make me lose all composure at times. My family cracks me up, I don't laugh about them ~ they are seriously funny people. That has got to be the key to my heart, laughter. Never at anyone's expense, never sarcastic or rude - but oh do I laugh. Why here? Because it is when I am the least behaved. I have the least limits in the spirit of fun. Sometimes I forget who I am and will become 15 again. I lose myself and any stress I may have when I am laughing. It's kryptonite to me.
Will I make the history books? If anyone publishes my autobiography, it will set the shelves on fire.)
"Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you respond to it." ~ Lou Holtz
(Life happens. Some of it is great, some of it is shit, and most of it is somewhere in between. What determines your character is how you deal with all of it. ALL of it. You've got to be able to manage a whole spectrum of life events, you don't get to pick and choose which ones you will deal with - at least not if you are going to be a courageous, strong and mature person. I guess that is a life choice, it wasn't a choice for me. I never backed down from anything, except maybe from sticking it out through a relationship - but I never found one that I thought would work. This quote really doesn't need more explanation...just thought I'd share a little. )
"The Grass is Greenest Beneath Me" ~unknown
Because my life pretty much was that of a gypsy following the advice of the first two sayings...I began to grasp the beauty and truth to this saying two years ago. This is one I want to bring into my life more. I want to feel stable, to put down roots somewhere, to have a home and know that I can be safe there. I want to have a place where I know I can stay. I want to build a life of family and friends knowing that I'm building a neighborhood, a life, a solid foundation. And I want it solid, firm and not built on shaky ground. I would love to know what it feels like to say "I'm going home" and really feel that I have a place to go home to. Not my parent's home, not anyone else's home, not a shared or borrowed home - but a sanctuary I can fill up with whatever I want to - even if that is a place where I am making a home with someone special and its becoming OUR home. And in thinking that way, I'm super scared, but I'm almost there, if conditions are right. But for now, I'm focusing on MY home.
"Be where you are, otherwise you will miss your life." ~ Buddha
(How many times have we spaced away days or weeks because we have spent too much time dwelling on the past or preparing for the future? I know I've wasted much time worrying about tomorrow or letting some fear that is based in my past haunt today. But today is the only moment we actually live in. The past is gone, done, finished. The future hasn't happened yet and the result of tomorrow isn't directly proportional to the amount of time we spend worrying about it. If I'm worried about an event next week, I could very well be hit by a bus tomorrow and not be given a single day more, then how much time have I wasted in my life? Buddha says live in the now, live in THIS moment. I try to, it is not as easy as it seems. Really take this moment; hear it, see it, smell it, taste it, feel it. Now it's past. Take three moments each day and cherish them, really feel them. Ordinary moments, special moments and live in the present - watch how life changes before your eyes.)
“Live with intention.
Walk to the edge.
Play with abandon.
Choose with no regret.
Appreciate your friends.
Continue to learn.
Do what you love.
Live as if this is all there is.”
This is the quote to end this hub. This is the one I like to read everyday to remind me of how I want to live. It is so freeing, spiritual, respectful and loving. I just wanted to share it. Namaste my friends.