The Best Places to Get Dates

Finding love is no easy task. Whether you are a man or a woman, meeting a quality person of the opposite sex is tough. Why is it so hard? Often, people are looking in the wrong places and putting themselves at an immediate disadvantage. Men and women looking to find love need to be aware of their surroundings and the things they do that lead to their own failure. When looking for love, nothing is as important as the place where you're looking. So if you want to find love, stop looking in all the wrong places.

Here are some places to avoid.

• Klan rally - Aside from the fact that you can't really tell that much about a person when they're underneath a hood, I think that trying to meet people in any situation where the main purpose of the environment is to express hatred, is likely to end in disappointment. Usually people who are that angry at people they don't even know are angry people in general.
• Church (Westboro Baptist) - Frankly, I think that church is a poor place to find love, though it can be good for locating members of the opposite sex of like mind and since religion is a major factor in a couple's success, it might be a good start. However, if you're just looking for a place of worship and a potential hook-up, you should avoid Westboro Baptist. Keeping with the theme of the previous item, their members are angry and, frankly, kind of mean. Most people go to dinner or a movie on a first date. Can you imagine being asked: "Hey, how would you like to go to a funeral with me and piss everybody off?"
• Public restroom - You never really hear the story at somebody's wedding about how he met his bride in a public restroom. You just don't. There's a reason - nobody meets their significant other in a public restroom, mostly because people who try to pick-up other people in public restrooms are scummy. And if you're heterosexual, the odds that you're going to respond positively to a member of the opposite sex hanging out in your bathroom or in, God forbid, the next stall, and then asking you out, are really low.
• Gas station - The whole idea of pumping gas involves sticking a long, phallic protrusion into a dark hole and filling it with smelly liquid. The whole atmosphere of a gas station has a rather pornographic undercurrent and the idea of somebody actively trying to get a date while pumping gas is unseemly and dirty. Who would do such a thing? What are the odds that such a person is a catch?
• Divorce court - This is really starting off on the wrong foot. Basically, you're already in a place that reeks of failure. It's a place where relationships go to die and are pronounced dead. Relationships that get started in such an environment are the ultimate in rebound relationships and likely doomed to failure. Really, you're going to try to score in divorce court? Take a breather. Reflect on what went wrong. People who don't take the time to reflect on what went wrong and make improvements are doomed to repeat their mistakes.
• Evolution teaching protest (or Creationism in public schools support group or legislation rally) - If you want to avoid a bad relationship, avoid stupid people. Stupid people are people who think that evolution is "just a theory" and that Creationism should be taught in public schools (there are many other kinds of stupid people, of course. Like, babies born without brains and people who drink their own urine). Of course, if you believe in Creationism and advocate for teaching it in public schools, then by all means, hit on whomever you want. And okay, I'm making a political statement here. Er, actually I'm not. I'm making an intelligence statement. Evolution is actually a fact and people who advocate for teaching Creationism as a science don't understand science at all. And who in the hell wants the government responsible for teaching religion anyway? It all adds up to a lot of stupid. Avoid stupid.
  
• Bar (after you're drunk) - Bars are bad places to meet people anyway, but they're particularly bad when you're drunk. The only good thing about meeting somebody when you're drunk is that when they turn out to be a douchebag, you can say something like "I was so totally drunk and didn't realize you were such a douche." While love isn't rational all the time, it's often a good life practice to try to make rational, life decisions while actually in a rational or semi-rational state.
• AA Meeting - While I'm not saying alcoholics can't make exceptional life partners, there are all kinds of reasons for not searching for your next Ms. or Mr. Right at an AA meeting. First of all, if you're attending an AA meeting, you have a drinking problem and hooking up with another alcoholic doubles the odds that somebody is going to fall off the wagon. It doesn't really matter who it is, the relationship will be that much harder. And if you're not an alcoholic and just trolling for dates at AA meetings, there are many better places to search. Unless you're experienced with relationships with alcoholics, you probably don't understand what a trial it can be. It's not like shooting fish in a barrel. In fact, any situation where you're searching for love under the theory that your target is vulnerable and therefore easier, is entirely misguided.
• Jail (or jail visit) - We always hear about convicts who somehow got married while they were in prison, but if you think you're going to pick up Mr. or Ms. Right while visiting a prison, you need to seek professional help. I think it's safe to say that if you're stooping to this kind of environment for your dates, you've got really messed up priorities.
• McDonald's (or Burger King) - I just think with the whole national obesity epidemic that your future lover should have better taste in food.
• Congress - This is worse than looking for love in jail. Whoever you meet is probably immoral, unethical, and scummy. If that's the kind of mate you want, go for it.
• Toddler beauty pageant - I imagine two divorced parents, sitting in the audience, watching their five-year-olds prance around like little hookers. They turn to each other. Their eyes meet. It's true love. The whole world vomits. Sick, twisted people enter their kids in toddler beauty pageants. This is a one-way ticket to serial killer offspring.