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Finding "The One"...

Updated on August 13, 2013
debbiepinkston profile image

Debbie is a licensed counselor in the state of Arkansas. She lived in Venezuela and worked with a local orphanage there for many years.

Is this The One?
Is this The One? | Source

Finding "THE ONE"

I often hear people talk about finding "The One", that one magical person out there who is everything they dreamed of and is the only person they could have a perfect relationship with. This person would make them feel happy all the time, have their best interest at heart, and be the perfect match. Arguments and disagreements would be few, because they would agree on almost everything. After all, they're a match made in heaven, right?

At one time I bought in to this notion, but as I've grown I have to question the validity of it all. Here are some of my thoughts on the topic of "The One":

-Many people find The One, fall madly in love and within a year they can't stand each other. The bubble of love is busted, and there's little hope in repairing it, after all the damage they have done to each other. So, were they completely wrong in their perception that this person was The One? They were so sure, 100% positive that this was The One!

-Some individuals have a very happy marriage with one person, and then they are widowed and alone. They later meet someone else and get married, and have a happy marriage, the second time around. Which one was "The One"? The first or the second spouse?

-If a person marries someone who is not "The One", they have messed up their own life, as well as their spouse's life, who is also not with "The One" for them. Their "One" is probably married to someone else who is not "The One", and thus by one mistake of one person, the entire population is hitched to someone who is not their "One". What a terrible, far-reaching mistake! We MUST find THE ONE for us!

I have come to believe that instead of one person in the entire world who is our perfect match, we could have a good relationship and marriage with a number of people. There are relationships for different seasons in our lives, and as our lives change, people change and events happen that alter the course of our lives. The person we start with at one time in our life might pass away or engage in behaviors that we can no longer tolerate, which brings the end of the relationship. We may later be blessed to find someone else with whom we can have a stable and healthy relationship.

I am a believer in God, and I do believe in his Will for us. You may ask "then what about the fact that God has one special person out there for you as part of his will?" I believe it is his will that we have healthy, loving relationships and build loving happy homes. He wants us to enjoy life with a partner who respects us and helps us in the good and bad times and vice versa. I don't think God ever thought that this could only happen with one person, a person we might be lucky enough to find within the billions of people on this earth.

So to sum it all up, if you're out there looking for "The One", give yourself a break and just focus on meeting great people and establishing solid friendships. It might just be that one of those friendships turns into a wonderful relationship upon which a lasting future is possible.


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    • Levertis Steele profile image

      Levertis Steele 5 years ago from Southern Clime

      I share your beliefs. When a loving spouse dies, the remaining spouse could very well, and often does, find love again. I remember a story about a man who was very much in love with his wife until she died. He fell in love and married again. To others' surprise, he loved his second wife just as much as the first. Someone asked, "When you go to heaven, which wife will you clain?" He responded, "Both. I have two arms for each to hold onto. Heaven has no room for jealousy. We will join the others and be happy throughout eternity." This is a beautiful story that never ends!

    • debbiepinkston profile image

      Debbie Pinkston 5 years ago from Pereira, Colombia and NW Arkansas

      Florence, I agree 100% with you...sometimes love is not enough. Respect and shared values are also building blocks that are part of a long term, healthy relationship. I'm glad that you have that special person in your heart at least.

      Thanks for stopping by.

    • florencenahon profile image

      Florence Nahon 5 years ago from Spain/ France

      I have that special person in my memories and stil in my heart, though not anymore in my life, but I'm a happy person with and without him. Sometimes, love is just not enough...

    • debbiepinkston profile image

      Debbie Pinkston 5 years ago from Pereira, Colombia and NW Arkansas

      I'm so glad you have that special person in your life!

    • teaches12345 profile image

      Dianna Mendez 5 years ago

      You said it well, Debbie. Dont' worry about finding that one true love, just enjoy yourself while meeting good friends. I don't know if there is one person for you or not, but I know my hubby is the one for me. God has blessed me with a wonderful, supportive, loving man.

    • always exploring profile image

      Ruby Jean Richert 5 years ago from Southern Illinois

      Boy, do i ever agree! I liked the thought of seasons in our lives, which is very true. Companionship is a wonderful thing. Thank you for sharing your thoughts....

    • profile image

      florencenahon 5 years ago

      I'm sorry, thought you were a man. Exeptions do exist.

    • debbiepinkston profile image

      Debbie Pinkston 5 years ago from Pereira, Colombia and NW Arkansas

      Florence, I am a woman so I can't speak for men. But I have been married twice to a faithful man each time.

    • florencenahon profile image

      Florence Nahon 5 years ago from Spain/ France

      Are you the exception?

    • debbiepinkston profile image

      Debbie Pinkston 5 years ago from Pereira, Colombia and NW Arkansas

      Dashingscorpio, you wrote an excellent hub on this same topic. We should not limit ourselves to a small pool of candidates! Thanks for reading and adding your comment.

    • florencenahon profile image

      Florence Nahon 5 years ago from Spain/ France

      The problem with men is that they always have a second chance, and a third one.... simultaneously!....

    • dashingscorpio profile image

      dashingscorpio 5 years ago

      Very well written. I voted your hub up and useful.

      We limit our options by how we (exclude) rather than (include) when we search for love. There are over 7 Billion people on the planet! As I mentioned in your Forum question; If I say "the one" must be of my same race I could be eliminating 6 Billion people sight unseen! Awhile back I wrote a hub on this topic as well.

    • debbiepinkston profile image

      Debbie Pinkston 5 years ago from Pereira, Colombia and NW Arkansas

      Wow Bill! You are FAST! I just clicked "publish" a few minutes ago!

      I think as we gain life experience and wisdom, we come to realize that we could have a good relationship with different people (not simultaneously!) Those of us who have had a second chance at love are blessed.

    • billybuc profile image

      Bill Holland 5 years ago from Olympia, WA

      I like that advice, Debbie! I love Bev and she and I are seemingly perfect together, but I in not way believe she is the only one I could ever fall in love with. If she were to die I know there is someone else out there.


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