- Gender and Relationships
Finding the Ideal Life Partner
Ideal to Spend the Rest of Life Together
One of life's most difficult decisions is to select the life partner with whom one would share the rest of his/her life. One mistake - and your life is miserable till the end of it. So, how to choose? Here are a few tips (Do not forget to read my own life experience narrated at the end).
List Down Your Likes and Dislikes
At the apex of youth, one is filled with quite a lot of experience, exposure and enlightenment which means, there are a lot of things that a person likes and a few that are hateful. You are well aware of what characters in a person will attract the person to be your friend and what are the things you cannot tolerate in your friend. It is good practice to take time to list them down one by one before choosing your 'friend for a lifetime'. It is better always to have less of negative feelings and more of positive feelings in one's life and hence, your list could be longer on the likes and shorter on the dislikes.
Wait Patiently for Mr./Miss. Right
This is a one time decision that one makes - choosing the life partner. Hence, it is good to wait for the right time, for the right person to step into your life. When you wait patiently for the right person to walk into your life, you will have peace, prosperity and joy throughout the rest of your life. The decision that you make in your twenties is going to stay with you even till your sixties and eighties. Instead, if you dash into selecting a partner, you may have to regret for having met Miss.Wrong or Mr.IamRightYouAreWrong.
Mr.Right - Not Mr.TheBest
I have seen people having great expectations for their life partners and keep rejecting every proposal they get. They do not bother how much they hurt the other person for having called and rejected the person, till one day when they are rejected by everyone they propose to. Once you open yourselves to choose your life partner, you should not go window-shopping for too long. If you feel this is not the right time, don't open up yet. Also people who want the best (most beautiful, most accomplished, richest, etc.) may end up disappointed because too much of expectation will lead to greater disappointment. Young girls and boys looking forward to marry a cine star or a model must remember that appearances can be deceiving. You may think that "the best" will suit you, but there is every chance that "you" may not suit the so-called "best", which would be as incompatible as partnering with "the worst".
Found Something? Make Discreet Inquiries
"Tell me who your friend is, and I will tell you who you are" - is a well-known Chinese proverb. When you have met a person whom you think could be an ideal partner to share your life with, don't jump into decisions. What is known of your closest friend could be less than 5% of the actual person. Surveys prove that even the household people or parents do not know more than 10% of a person. But the whole person (100% of him/her) gets revealed to the spouse with whom they share their life. So, it is mostly impossible to find out the hidden 90% from the visible 10%. However, at least the visible 10% information which is most significant must be accurately known to you before you proceed further to make the decision. For instance, if a person gets drunk only at parties, there are more chances of him becoming an addict - and you should know that beforehand.
Get Married Soon
The most important thing is that you are meant to marry. Your hunt for a life partner should begin only when you decide to marry. Do not involve sexually with anyone before marriage - even if you are engaged to be married. There are so many complications which the world may consider as 'fashion' or a 'different lifestyle' - but are not moral, ethical, acceptable before God and man though it may deem to be legal according to the laws of the country. Every sin that a person commits is outside the body, but the one who commits sexual immorality sins against one's own body. Your body is a holy temple where the Spirit of God should reside - do not defile it with the sin of adultery and destroy your holiness. However, marriage and sex after marriage is honorable and holy before God because God has ordained that a man should cleave with his wife to raise godly offspring. Any other form of sexual relationships is sin and will be judged by God. Let not your youth be blamed for sinful lusts and misconduct before God. Conduct your body as a holy vessel for God's glory.
The Final Decision
Before you go ahead to freeze upon the person who will be your spouse, pray and ask God to approve your choice.
How wonderful would be the life of a young man or woman who sits in the presence of God before even starting off in the search for life partner! Such a wise person would sit in the presence of God and read out the likes and dislikes before God and ask God to help in putting in the right things wisely, because God is wiser than the wisest on earth. Then the wise person would pray for God to bring the right person into the life and reveal His will about the person at the right time. Then the wise person would pray to God, seeking His hand to work it to completion in marriage which would be honorable before man and God. And the wise person would pray along with his/her spouse, asking God to bless their holy matrimony to lead into a blessed family life, where they would live and glorify God throughout their walk together, remaining at the center of God's will.
My Own Testimony
I find it apt to share with you my own life story about choosing my life partner. I had left it to God to work it according to His will, placing my desires about my life partner before Him. Once, when I was praying, the Lord Jesus Christ graciously revealed to me that my life-partner-to-be would walk into my life very soon, even a few weeks before I saw her for the first time. There were no signs of marriage in my life at that time - as I had actually decided to wait a few more years. The Lord revealed to me the girl who would be my life partner and so, I silently kept watching her from a distance, and I found most of her character matching with what I had framed in my mind.
To remove the doubt from my mind, I prayed to the Lord to show me by the sure sign, that even before I talk about my feelings for her to anyone, the proposal should come up from elsewhere. Our Lord Jesus Christ is the One who honors faith and is gracious to those who depend upon Him and trust Him. I had the privilege of my prayer answered soon (within 2 months after I saw the girl), when my mom happened to see her and suggested to me that she could be a good match for me. Though I was sceptic about the differences between our family backgrounds and discouraged my mom from talking any further on it, I rejoiced in my heart of hearts that the Lord had done it.
Finally, the proposal did get stronger when my mom (who is a woman of diligent prayer) strongly suggested the same thing about five months later. I had been undergoing a lot of struggle in my mind as I saw my 'dream girl' before me day after day, yet the circumstances and all people (including the girl herself) not favorable to this 'big event' in my life. I finally agreed to my mom's suggestion (well, confessing that I loved her too), and the drama began (clashes between the two families) - great upheaval in my life, the waves tossing my life's boat, threatening to drown it. But the Lord Jesus who was at the helm of it, steered my life, granting me peace even amidst those turbulent times. Finally, the Lord helped me to get engaged soon with the girl of my dreams and after one month was our marriage - the beginning of a sweet journey with my sweetheart, Rosline.
As I look back, I praise God for guiding me step by step in this one-time decision of my life, granting me the desires of my heart. All I can say is, "All things work together for good to those who love God." Therefore, my advice to you, my dear friends, is:
"Delight yourself in the LORD, And He shall give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the LORD, Trust in Him, And He shall bring it to pass." (The Bible - Psalm 37:4,5)