First Date Advice: How to Avoid the Post-Date Kiss
Is there anything so awkward as post-date kisses, especially those following first dates?
Even in the best of times, this situation is less than dignified, but the excruciating nature of the gesture is at an all time high when one party isn't all that thrilled about the prospect of being kissed.
Melbel, one of this site's best writers, suggested we investigate some means of avoiding this scenario altogether. I gladly asked as many friends online and in real life as possible. My findings are below. You will find that recommendations fell into three major categories.
The Practical Approach
Both my friends and myself would be remiss if we did not offer some sound, practical advice when it comes to avoiding unwanted smooches. Here are some of the more popular (and responsible) suggestions my extended network presented:
- Just say you're not interested.
- Just say no.
- If the kiss catches you by surprise and you cannot stop it, tell the kisser immediately that you are not interested, or, if you enjoy being a bit more wry, tell them you hope they enjoyed that kiss because it's never going to happen again.
Being direct is, unfortunately the most responsible thing to do. If only it did not take such confidence!
The Slapstick Approach
Relationships are hilarious. Why not accept this reality and make them even more so! Most of the advice I received regarding post-date kiss avoidance tactics were slapstick in nature, and I'm entirely fine with that. Here are the best hits:
- Horrify your date by farting, sharting, burping, wiping snot all over your face, or very visibly picking a wedgie.
- Break into inexplicable maniacal laughter.
- Step back, wildly admonishing your date for encouraging the spread of "cooties."
- Run away (bonus points for yelling: "Run away! Run away!" as you do so).
One might easily consider these to be prohibitively embarrassing, but... is there honestly anything more embarrassing than an awkward, half-thwarted kiss? No! So why not at least take control of the situation and turn it into a good funny story?
The Passive Aggressive Approach
Because I am a coward / am afraid of being direct / am terrified of hurting others' feelings, I found the passive agressive kiss-avoidance tips given by some of my comrades to be most useful. Here are some really useful ones:
- Eat a lot of garlic that night.
- Wear a becoming (and protective!) veil.
- Before your date can make a move, dive in for a firm, professional handshake or "we're just friends, damn you" hug.
- Do not allow for ANY pauses at the end of your rendezvous and high-tail it away from your date before any kissing attempts may be made.
It is my hope that we may all evolve from making passive aggressive gestures to making polite, yet bold and direct gestures over time... but until we do, these methods are quite valuable.
Which post-date kiss avoidance tactic would you go for?
What is Best?
I imagine the best post-date kiss avoidance method depends a great deal on context. Some methods would work better on first dates, others are better suited for second dates. Some cater to those with a lack of shame, others are best for those unafraid to be direct. Which type of avoidance approach do you prefer?
Have you avoided a post-date kiss using one of the above methods? Or have you used a different tactic to lessen the awkward nature of such situations? Tell me about it! Share your horror stories, lessons learned, and secret methods in the comments below.