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First Date Advice: How to Avoid the Post-Date Kiss

Updated on January 6, 2012

Is there anything so awkward as post-date kisses, especially those following first dates?

Even in the best of times, this situation is less than dignified, but the excruciating nature of the gesture is at an all time high when one party isn't all that thrilled about the prospect of being kissed.

Melbel, one of this site's best writers, suggested we investigate some means of avoiding this scenario altogether. I gladly asked as many friends online and in real life as possible. My findings are below. You will find that recommendations fell into three major categories.

The Practical Approach

Both my friends and myself would be remiss if we did not offer some sound, practical advice when it comes to avoiding unwanted smooches. Here are some of the more popular (and responsible) suggestions my extended network presented:

  • Just say you're not interested.
  • Just say no.
  • If the kiss catches you by surprise and you cannot stop it, tell the kisser immediately that you are not interested, or, if you enjoy being a bit more wry, tell them you hope they enjoyed that kiss because it's never going to happen again.

Being direct is, unfortunately the most responsible thing to do. If only it did not take such confidence!

You know what he's thinking? "Wow. Not gonna kiss her right now."
You know what he's thinking? "Wow. Not gonna kiss her right now." | Source

The Slapstick Approach

Relationships are hilarious. Why not accept this reality and make them even more so! Most of the advice I received regarding post-date kiss avoidance tactics were slapstick in nature, and I'm entirely fine with that. Here are the best hits:

  • Horrify your date by farting, sharting, burping, wiping snot all over your face, or very visibly picking a wedgie.
  • Break into inexplicable maniacal laughter.
  • Step back, wildly admonishing your date for encouraging the spread of "cooties."
  • Run away (bonus points for yelling: "Run away! Run away!" as you do so).

One might easily consider these to be prohibitively embarrassing, but... is there honestly anything more embarrassing than an awkward, half-thwarted kiss? No! So why not at least take control of the situation and turn it into a good funny story?

The Passive Aggressive Approach

Because I am a coward / am afraid of being direct / am terrified of hurting others' feelings, I found the passive agressive kiss-avoidance tips given by some of my comrades to be most useful. Here are some really useful ones:

  • Eat a lot of garlic that night.
  • Wear a becoming (and protective!) veil.
  • Before your date can make a move, dive in for a firm, professional handshake or "we're just friends, damn you" hug.
  • Do not allow for ANY pauses at the end of your rendezvous and high-tail it away from your date before any kissing attempts may be made.

It is my hope that we may all evolve from making passive aggressive gestures to making polite, yet bold and direct gestures over time... but until we do, these methods are quite valuable.

Weigh in!

Which post-date kiss avoidance tactic would you go for?

See results

What is Best?

I imagine the best post-date kiss avoidance method depends a great deal on context. Some methods would work better on first dates, others are better suited for second dates. Some cater to those with a lack of shame, others are best for those unafraid to be direct. Which type of avoidance approach do you prefer?

Have you avoided a post-date kiss using one of the above methods? Or have you used a different tactic to lessen the awkward nature of such situations? Tell me about it! Share your horror stories, lessons learned, and secret methods in the comments below.


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    • HubPages profile image

      HubPages 4 years ago from San Francisco, CA

      Oh, LOVE IT! And we've got to have our fun references, right? ;)

    • Victoria Lynn profile image

      Victoria Lynn 4 years ago from Arkansas, USA

      Simone, this is hilarious! And what a coincidence! I just published a hub about avoiding the end of the night kiss! Your hub was one of the choices at the end of mine. How cool! You are so, so funny. I think the veil might work. And I love the reference to "Run away! Run away!"

    • Simone Smith profile image

      Simone Haruko Smith 5 years ago from San Francisco

      Oh, but everyone knows you just follow those up with the good ol' punch in the stomach!

    • cbpoet profile image

      cbpoet 5 years ago from Las Vegas, Nevada

      Hello Simone, Hilarious video. You forgot to mention when someone wants a hug just to cop a feel.

    • Simone Smith profile image

      Simone Haruko Smith 5 years ago from San Francisco

      Ah, but that spares you from a WORLD of trouble, paxwill!

      I kind of like that approach, Zainejaz. You're on to something.

      Hahaa, I think that's an AWESOME method, melbel! And gosh... maybe I should just spread around a rumor that I've got mono!

      Thanks for the vote, Movie Master! And hurrah for slapstick being so effective!

    • Movie Master profile image

      Movie Master 5 years ago from United Kingdom

      I found the slapstick approach had a good success rate, farts and burping are pretty good turn-offs!!

      Awesome hub and voting up!

    • melbel profile image

      Melanie Shebel 5 years ago from New Buffalo, Michigan

      I go for the hug thing or I pretend to be naive to the fact that he wants a kiss! "Oh wow, look at the stars, they're really pretty tonight *I back up slightly as he looks at the sky* "Well, I've got to go, I told my cats I'd be home at 10:00. K thnx bai"

      Fortunately, the last time I was on an awkward date thing, I actually had mono. Since he was a friend of a friend, he knew about it, so avoiding the kiss was automatic. (I know it's weird, the girl who doesn't want to kiss had the kissing disease!)

    • Zainejaz profile image

      Zainejaz 5 years ago from Quetta

      Not gonna date ever :) but nice tips and I would be the first to try :)

    • profile image

      paxwill 5 years ago

      If I ever have to go on a first date again, I'm pretty sure my date will be the one trying to avoid kissing me.

    • Simone Smith profile image

      Simone Haruko Smith 5 years ago from San Francisco

      Perhaps that's a good thing, homesteadbound! First dates strike me as rather traumatic. Though the comical potential is priceless.

      Thanks kittythedreamer! And I LOVE the hand-over-mouth defense! That's AWESOME! I am going to have to take that for a spin.

      Oh, a dog grooming Hub... I LIKE IT, WD Curry 111! A good challenge, that! I'll have to steal a dog first... oh, this shall be FUN!

      You're so right, leroy64. I've learned this the hard way. And I feel bad for having been (and for continuing to be) such a coward! I'll amend my ways. Thanks for the additional nudge in the right direction. I hope your comment nudges others in the right direction, too.

      Very good point, Skiffer. I think these tactics are only necessary in worst case scenarios.

      And I'm so pleased, workingmomwm!! And your husband sounds like a real catch!

    • workingmomwm profile image

      Mishael Austin Witty 5 years ago from Kentucky, USA

      Love the video - and so did my (almost) three-year-old. We watched it three times! :-)

      I haven't been on a first date now in over seven years, but I remember those after-date kisses - especially those guys who wanted to stick their tongues down my throat on the first date. Really? Do we really know each other that well? I was completely passive-aggressive - pulling away, but pretending that there was some other reason I did ...

      I knew my husband was a keeper when he didn't even try to kiss on me the first date - or the second. I think, maybe, by the third or fourth date he was ready to lay it on me, and boy did he ever! :-)

    • Skiffer profile image

      Skiffer 5 years ago from North Jersey

      Haven't had a first day in about 15 years - still single and just too busy raising kids. Ahh, the first kiss flutters, I do remember them well though. Should it, shouldn't it be a full on kiss, a cheek kiss, just a hug, or heaven forbid, an all business like handshake.

      I thought some of your ideas, like already previously mentioned farting, or hysterical laughter were a bit extreme. If the date was going so poorly that you would consider one of these excuses, why wouldn't you just end the date early and go home. These days, what girl gets picked up for a date? Don't you just meet somewhere? If things go as hoped, and there is a second date, and he does pick you up, then I think that there wouldn't be the need for any diversionary tactics

    • leroy64 profile image

      Brian L. Powell 5 years ago from Dallas, Texas (Oak Cliff)

      You had better stick with the practical approach. The other two either hurt or can be misinterpreted. Trust me, farting during the first kiss is encouragement.

      You cannot really avoid hurting the poor guy's feelings, so the practical approach is the least painful. I know this.

    • WD Curry 111 profile image

      WD Curry 111 5 years ago from Space Coast

      I am going to have to unfollow you. I can't resist your hubs or commenting, and my wife don't like it when she hears you. Your videos are off the chart, but they are getting me in trouble.

      I don't think your passive aggressive measures will lead to a second date.

      In my day, my dates never had the problem. I didn't go for it. I didn't go for it on the second date, either. By the third date, they dragged me inside.

      Do me a favor and make your next Hub on dog grooming or something.

    • kittythedreamer profile image

      Nicole Canfield 5 years ago from the Ether

      I've avoided post-date first kisses for sure. But all I would do is hold my hand in front of my mouth in a "you're gonna kiss the hand" type fashion. And then I would say, "whoa, buddy. you must have read me wrong." LOL. Loved this hub, Simone. You really make me laugh. Voted up and funny...and also quite useful!

    • homesteadbound profile image

      Cindy Murdoch 5 years ago from Texas

      It has been so long since a first date, I can't even remember what a first date feels like. I wish I could share my wisdom, but over 31 years of marriage has virtually erased the slate! LOL