- Gender and Relationships»
Fearless not Cautious
As the notes rang out from the guitar it hit my heart with a radiating courage, this was no ordinary song. I was listening to the band Our Last Night cover Adele's "Skyfall" and finding myself wanting to join my voice with theirs. Isn't it interesting how certain songs can appear at the most fitting times? This is one of those times when I must admit there are certain ways to motivate individuals to try harder. Each has their own limits as well as passions, yet some rarely acknowledge either. To go into a romantic relationship I feel there is a very important first step required by any considering it. Each being must go within and do some self evaluation to discover their own passion, if nothing else, to set the mood for a successful match.
In the years past it became apparent that if this step is skipped, then the person attempting the joining with another is unable to identify with certainty that they are with the right person. This indecision leads to insecurity for the partner as well as fear for both. Fear has no place in a relationship, lets repeat that, fear has no place. To successfully bring it all to the union, one must be against a wall so high, at some point, that they have faced losing anything and can appreciate everything. Looking at your partner, you should feel an urgency of realization that their presence in your life is temporary. It may be a longer or shorter time frame for some, but nothing is permanent, it either gets better or it falls apart. A successful relationship requires individuals to not only go through some deep and painful soul searching, but to also remember and apply the lessons learned. Driving in the car together, reach out and take your partners hand for a little, show them every chance you get that you are appreciating the moments you have.
Many have found someone completely compatible and appealing and yet felt the joy slip away as the person began expecting them to stand tall amidst abrasive situations. This is truly no mystery, one person let fear sneak in and then waited for the other person to take that fear away. This is not anyone's job but our own, and to be frank is disrespectful to our partner if we allow ourselves to expect as such. Our partner met us and chose to join because deep down they knew we would hold our own in life, and would stand with them through the tough times. If we are the stimulant creating the rough time, it says we are not appreciative of the gift we found and leaves an opening for another to step in and take our place. If you bought a house you loved, would you put up a free sign and scare yourself out of living in it? So you understand how ludicrous it is to join ones emotions with another and then step aside in fear and put up the free sign? Good. Glad we covered this, please understand it is written from someone who has done that very thing and learned to start valuing myself only after I tried to step aside from it all. There is at least one moment in every person's life where they did not jump into the opportunity to return love and had to watch someone else steal it from them. You wouldn't allow anyone to steal your bed without going after it, do you truly place less value on your heart? Understand, we come from social programming designed to make us believe we shouldn't give that much or we come across needy. I beg to differ, from a standpoint of experience and observation I make the bold claim that if we do not stand arms open, despite the past hurting us, then we have not learned to love ourselves and are not ready to receive one of the greatest gifts life offers.
If you feel you are one who is not ready, know you are ahead of most. Take heart that you are helping yourself grow into the most amazing partner and person, which is all you can do until you are ready. On the other hand, if you feel you made a choice to be ready and aren't able to do it or aren't standing with your equal then stop and look at yourself. Do it kindly and gently, but go within and ask, "am I creating fear and sabotaging myself or am I fearless?" If you are fearless, there will be no question and no need to read this other than to relate to someone who thinks the same.
A successful relationship requires individuals to not only go through some deep and painful soul searching, but to also remember and apply the lessons learned.