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For Every Lesbian, There Is At Least One Man

Updated on March 31, 2013


I have never met a lesbian who didn't know one man- a personal acquaintance, an athlete or celebrity- who didn't make her question her sexuality if even for a brief moment. Before you get riled up let me explain myself.

First and foremost there is scientific evidence that indicates that lesbians are more fluid than gay men. Lisa Diamond wrote in an article in Developmental Psychology (2000, vol. 36, no. 2, 241-250), "For sexual-minority women, non-exclusivity in attraction is the norm, rather than the exception." In layman terms, it is very common for women- particularly lesbians- to be attracted to both sexes. In my personal observation I have found that because women are often driven by emotion and the relationships they develop with women are so emotional and their number one complaint about men is that they are emotionally unavailable, it is seemingly a natural progression to start identifying this female figure, intimate acquaintance as a sexually intimate partner and for the lines to become blurred.

But let me not fail to give credit to the beautiful specimen of men that make it hard for women to be lesbians. Let's be completely honest here. When Idris Elba stepped on the scene in The Wire salivation began instantly. And when I heard him speak in that British accent, I practically fainted. If tall, dark, handsome and British isn't your thing, fine. But there is no denying that real men have a way of commanding a room, demanding your attention and drawing you in before a single word is said. I love the power that a real man wills by his presence alone. As a young girl reared exclusively by my father, I have a sincere appreciation for men- the scent of a man, the strength of a man, the weakness of a man that is masked by the perceived strength of a man.

So I guess you are saying to yourself, 'why are you a lesbian?' What draws me to a woman goes back to my initial argument that most women have about men- emotionally unavailable. I have simply found that being with a woman is more emotionally fulfilling. Being reared by a man, my father was very emotionally withdrawn. So when I sought a mate, I wanted some one who would be there for me emotionally in a way that I had never had before. I needed someone who would be sympathetic, empathetic, and understanding. I can't say that I wouldn't have found that in a man, but I definitely found it in my wife.

In the vain of keeping it real, I will say what I a lot of lesbians won't say. There is definitely at least one man or type of man that makes me question my sexuality. Hands down, when Stringer Bell was killed off The Wire a little piece of my heart died, and not knowing if Gordon Cozier survived at the end of Takers is like adding salt to my wound and if I should ever see him face to face, in that moment my wife and my sexuality will be a distant memory. He can get it!

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Idris Elba


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