- Gender and Relationships»
- Advice & Tips for Women in Relationships
Reasons Why Some Women Are Not Married
Why Some Women Are Reluctant to Marry
The number of unmarried women is increasing with leaps and bounds. Unmarried women falls into four main categories: widowed, divorced and women who could not find a willing husband or deliberately refuse to marry. For the purpose of this article, I am going to deal with the last two categories.
There are inexhaustible reasons why some women are not married or refuse to marry. They are some cassanovas or misogynists who derive sadistic joy from breaking women’s hearts. As a result, some women who have fallen victims find it difficult to trust any man. This group of women doesn’t lack men’s attention because they are usually beautiful and desirable, but due to the malady of fear of the opposite sex, they withdrew from all emotional involvement, thereby cultivating extreme independence evading obligation to any man. Mainly enlightened and highly educated women are found in this group.
Below are what some women I spoke to about their opinion of men and marriage had to say: “When I met Thomas, I thought I had met the man of my dream at last. I found myself doing things I had never done before just to impress him,” Dupe said. “I saw him about almost every day after work. More and more I began to entertain thoughts of what had once seemed impossible; marriage to a young man who would change my life and sort of improve my daily existence. But almost when I was positive about our marriage, Thomas’ old girlfriend appeared on the scene and he left me and married her. I nearly died from nervous breakdown.
Joan simply said, “All men are untrustworthy and crazy. Instead of thanking their God for saving them from callous men, some girls waste their time mourning.”
While Sarah said, “I’m not as giving as loving as and as trusting as I used to be. If I have a man and he is not treating me well; makes me unhappy, I have to dump him. Any relationship which does not allow me my full 8-9 hours of sleep is better off dead, regardless of how I feel about the man. It’s not easy to do but I make sure that during the first three weeks; I called it quits I will go out a great deal with my girlfriends. This way I am less tempted to sit around at home thinking of him.”
The crux of the indecision of most young women is their fear of men’s elusiveness. There are other group, who would have liked to marry but no man showed enough interest. These are mainly women with unattractive appearance or those who are unfortunate to come from area where the bride price is outrageous.
Most of men go for beautiful facades. What lay behind the facade is not important to them at first until they eventually find out that the beauty is only skin deep. Behind the beautiful facade lies a selfish, querulous, and cold person. Some men, however, have realized that other qualities apart from beauty are better guarantee for marital bliss. Beautiful face does not guarantee good behavior.
But in our society, once a woman has attractive exterior, she has her choice of boyfriends or suitors; the handsome, the aristocratic, the renowned etc, -some with no other intention than to use the girl and abandon her. The men rarely give the ugly women a chance to prove their own bounteous endowments. Some associate marrying a beautiful woman with success symbol.
Apart from the above-mentioned groups, there is still a third group –women who are afraid of leaving the known for the unknown –the known family house being preferred to an unknown husband’s house. These are women who have been loved by their parents and had been over-pampered. The fear of bondage of marriage, especially, having seen some of their married friends roughly treated by their husbands dissuades them from marriage.
Like I mentioned from the start, there could be many other reasons. But what I want to tell those women is that whatever be your own reason, there is a man who can suit you if you really want to marry. We often allow fear to jeopardize what in most cases would have been an idyllic relationship. The way most women choose their men contribute to their calamity.
It is very common to see a woman running after a man simply because he is rich, disregarding any other man who is not so materially blessed. When the rich man because he has many of them dishes her, she goes all over the place complaining how heartless men are, forgetting that she had deliberately ignored some men begging for her attention because they had no much money to throw around. The man that will make you happy might not necessarily be stunningly rich. Money is not everything.
Betty was full of complaints about the nefarious attitude of men till she met Peter. This is what she had to say. “But when I later met Peter, he was absolutely different from all the other men, I had met that my defense went down. I wanted him and was afraid of losing him again like men I met before him, but Peter was different. He wanted me to be his wife and I wanted to be his wife. “
Betty had found her truthful man. Peter had been in existence only waiting to be discovered. Explore your relationships with open mind. Stop feeling powerless, inferior, defensive and helpless about yourself. Approach your relationships with objectivity and you will watch your feelings of fear being replaced with feelings of self-worth, love and compassion.
Why become disoriented and disinterested in life because one man took you for grated? Why spend so much time moping, worrying or sitting around because a man walked out of your life? There are many more out there. Get up and be about, and keep your eyes open for ‘Mr. Right’. He will come along. But the big question is will you recognize him to be the one, when he eventually turns up? So the first thing is to know what you want. He might not be the most handsome man in the universe or one of the richest or most famous. Some of these men don't even have enough time for themselves let alone you.
Self-isolation is not the answer. Hating men is not the answer. Have it embedded in your subconscious mind that for every woman there is a man.