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For Me, It's Not About Sexuality , It's About Morality!

Updated on July 6, 2011

I am pro gays, lesbians, heterosexuals & all others, but ANTI psuedo-homophobes!

I'm all for Gays, Lesbians, Bisexuals, Transgenders, Transsexuals, Heterosexuals, open relationships, monogamous relationships and/or marriage, etc.. I also support gay marriage. For me what is important is that everyone involved is UPFRONT & HONEST! For me, it is not about sexuality at all, it is about morality.

I DO have a problem with people who intentionally betray and hurt those they are supposed to love, just so they can have their cake and eat it to. And that goes for all people, whether they are straight, bi or gay.

Worst of all betrayers are guys who pretend to be totally homophobic, and even accuse their heterosexual wives of being lesbians for 15 years before they finally admit that they are actually bisexual themselves and have known since they were 15, or in my ex's case, since he was 6.

Then when their wives forgive them for lying (and what a whopper of a lie people?) for soooo long, and say that they understand & think it probably explains a lot, and that they still love them and want to support them, the bastards turn around and say something like "actually, I WAS bi, but then you turned me GAY!"

Pseudo-homophobic morons who try to blame their wife for pretending to be something they are not (just so they can carry on in gay bath houses behind their Mrs' backs), are just greedy, power hungry, psychopathic control freaks!

As for other people in society, I also have issues with heterosexual girls who only "pretend" to be bisexual just because they want to get attention from all the guys, although they don't offend me us much as the type of guys I mentioned above. The girls pretending to be bi are probably only doing so due to insecurities, which is similar to the reasons that many gay people remain "in the closet".

While I can understand why many men and women do not "come out" of the proverbial closet, and can certainly say that I blame society for most of these peoples problems and fears, I believe that CLOTHES (not peoples' sexualities) belong in closets... Society certainly has a lot to answer for due to prejudices of the past, but I hope that the tide has well and truly turned and that young people feel they will be supported by coming out. Keeping one's sexuality hidden is no way to live a happy life.

I very much respect GBLT's who are open about their sexuality, and although I don't have as much respect for those in the closet, I certainly have nothing against them, at long as they are simply being discreet about their sexuality, and not living the lifestyle in secret whilst keeping some poor woman under their thumb just so they can show the world what they want them to see. It's people who do that who I have a problem with.

I have quite a few gay and lesbian friends, although I don't think of them as "gay", I think of them as Charlie, Toby, Graham etc... The gay girls and guys I know are funny, warm, empathetic, honest, great with children and have been loyal friends to me, and they don't have any violent anger problems.

Two of the gay couples I know are fighting to be allowed to adopt a child, and I support their decision. I think they would make great parents. They would certainly be much, much better parents than my ex... and many other parents out there too. I am also friends with a lesbian couple who had IVF and have 2 kids. They are great parents too, and their kids are magical.

In one of my articles, I have a joke that says "I called your boyfriend gay and he hit me with his purse!". What it probably should say is "I called my ex gay and he hit me with his purse!" .

I just realized that it is a joke that may offend some people, and I want to apologize to any who are offended by the statement. Please know that I am pro gays, lesbians, heterosexuals & all others, and I was not thinking of normal GBLT's as a group when I wrote the comment - I just thought the statement said a lot about men who are gay or bi, but who pretend not to be, or who even go so far as to make themselves out to be homophobes, like my ex!

I have a number of gay friends whom I love and respect immensely. "Gay" is how they refer to themselves, and I guess I use the word gay without thinking, because that is what they seem comfortable with. I've seen them get upset for being called "homo's" by other people. Like I said, I don't even think of my "gay" friends as gay, I think of them as Charlie, Toby, Graham etc... If I called one of my gay mates "gay" in any kind of nasty or derogatory way, I would certainly expect him to hit me with his purse, or at least with something, and if anyone else called one of my gay mates gay in such a way, and my mate did not do anything about it, I probably would!

I hope people can understand what I'm trying to say in this article. My story here is, I realize, based on personal experience, but I have learned that I am not alone when it comes to this kind of thing. It was never about his sexuality for me, it was about his lack of morals and his intentional dishonesty, and the fact that he even used his sexuality as another way of trying to control me and have power over me. He lied to me for 15 years, and then when he came clean and I forgave him and tried to support him, he turned around and said I turned him gay (after telling me he had known since he was 6 years old?!?!).

After he came clean about his sexuality, I asked him many times if he felt he needed to be able to "do his thing". I said I would probably be able to deal with it if he was honest, and told him it was honesty that was important, because then I could make my own choices and if I could not handle it it would be my problem and not his. I even offered to consider doing it with him... one day. But he could not accept that and would fly off the handle and say I did not trust him.

In the end, AFTER we split up, I found out he was registered on 18 different dating sites, 11 of which he had joined since we had been back together. He was after anything and everything, and was even advertising for an Asian Bride....

Thing that I was most disgusted by though, was that he once said to me that if any of his kids ever told him they were gay, he would dis-own them. Another type of people I hate are hypocrites, and he was certainly the king of all hypocrites. In fact he was a walking contradiction. He was a homophobic bisexual and also an atheist with a God complex ...

My message to bastards like my ex: Leave the rest of society alone you WANKERS! OMG we live in the 2010's, it's almost fashionable to be gay or bi, so quit making excuses for your immoral behavior and lies! Go join a local sex addicts support group before you destroy another family...

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Please Note:

All names in this article have been changed for legal purposes and to protect the privacy of the Author. Except where otherwise credited, or where text forms part of an external link, this article is under the following copyright:

Copyright © 2010 Mel Stewart, "safe-at-last", of Perth, Western Australia. All rights reserved.

All persons, places and objects shown in the images in this hub are are shown for illustrative purposes only. They bear no relation to any real person or event. All persons shown are paid models. Unless otherwise credited, all images are under the following copyright:

Copyright © 2010 Mel Stewart, "safe-at-last" and Licensors Nodtronics Pty Ltd. All rights reserved.


Submit a Comment

  • safe-at-last profile imageAUTHOR

    Mel Stewart 

    7 years ago from Western Australia

    Karma+1, thank you for your thoughtful, honest, earnest comment. I've read your profile page too, and I wish there were more men (and women) out there like you; people who actually care about morality, humanity and doing their bit for the greater good (whether they be gay / lesbian / transsexual / bi OR heterosexual). Of those who are parents, I wish there were more who cared about their kids' happiness and well being enough to put their kids first.

    My heart goes out to guys like you. Society truly does have a lot to answer for when it comes to the hate and prejudice of the past/present, and the hurt and damage done as a result. You are not the first gay guy to say to me that if they could choose, they would rather be straight, and I think that's sad, though I can empathize, as I am glad to be straight - life's hard enough. I have a young friend who is happy and proud to be gay, and I hope that in the future, all gay people will be happy to be what they are. I think my friend's happiness is a result of his family, and the unconditional love and support they have given him his whole life.

    With regards to your ex, I am not really in a great position to advise you as my experiences are with a guy who is the complete opposite of you: My ex doesn't give a s**t about his kids other than for the money they would be worth if he could convince the court that they should live with him ($ as in government payments & child support from me, which is a bit of a sick joke because he is a master at tax fraud, owes his first wife $45,000 in child support, and has never given me a cent for our 2 kids).

    He does not care how his behavior affects them (or anyone else), until he is asked to take responsibility for his violence; then it is all about denying it, minimizing it, and trying to turn the entire world against any person or organization who is trying to "ruin his life". Only thing he really cares about is himself: money, his (false) reputation, and sex. Luckily for my kids the family court got it right (this time round) and ordered that they live with me, that I have sole responsibility, and that he only see the kids at a supervised contact center for at least the next 6 months.

    (Forgive my waffling on, back to you lol) Despite my lack of "experience" in the area you ask advice for, I will give it a go.

    Firstly, let me just say that I think you are already half way there, for three reasons:

    1> Because you have accepted being gay yourself;

    2> Because you have great empathy and insight, not only into how society has shaped your own and other gay people's choices and experiences, but also into how those choices and experiences may have affected the people around you;

    3> Because you care about your childrens' happiness and well-being, and you want to make peace with their mother.

    As for how to burst the hate bubble, or at the least, how to get along with her? I have some thoughts on that, but first, ask yourself WHAT kind of relationship you wish to have with your ex:

    a) Business Partners. Do you just want things to be free of any hostilities and on a need-to-know only basis when talking about the kids. You could agree to have a business-like partnership, with any interactions kept to simply being polite and exchanging information. The only things discussed would be financial factors, logistics (where/when/how), health issues and major decisions like schooling etc.... While this might be easier for one and/or the other of you, it would have drawbacks in the long run (in my opinion).

    b) Pretend Friends. Do you want things to be amicable and flexible, and "happy" in front of the kids, but with you both being "aloof", so that you don't have to deal with any contentious issues. In other words, friendly but not friends (also not the best option in my opinion).

    c) Good Friends. Do you want to be able to move on from the past and look to the future, perhaps even becoming friends who would be happy to, and comfortable with, turning to one another for support and advice when faced with the inevitable challenges that come with being a parent, especially those that will accompany teenage- hood, which will come soon enough.

    Obviously (well, perhaps I should say "in my opinion", which is after all what you asked for LOL. Just remember that you can take it or leave it as you see fit), option "c" would be the best, for you, for her, and most poignantly, for your kids. It won't be "bad", or the "end of the world" if you can't or do not wish to do so (or if she is unwilling/ unable to), but it would be great for both of you and of course for the kids if the 2 of you can build a solid friendship. The benefits would be many, and far reaching, with a few positives you may not have considered: Yourselves and your kids would not feel any stress at pick up/ drop off times and the likes, and you will ALL be able to enjoy sharing in the experience of things like birthdays, school plays, sports day, graduations etc... Your kids would feel less "restricted" when it comes to talking about what's been happening or anything they may be bothered by, because they won't be scared of saying the wrong thing in front of the wrong parent and causing dramas.

    You mentioned bitterness; I do not doubt it, bitterness stems from pain, and pain from unhealed wounds. I am sure you realize this, but have you considered your own pain and bitterness? You both need to forgive: each other AND yourselves. needs be I think perhaps you BOTH need closure. You say that you know you hurt her and have to accept that, but having admitted it to yourself does not mean that you have forgiven yourself for it. Forgiveness heals, time does not - it just numbs the pain a little. I really think you should talk to her about what you and she BOTH know, but have never discussed.

    Tell her you are sorry - not for being gay, but for the fact that things turned out the way they did. Explain that you never menat to hurt her. Tell her the things you say in your profile page. Ask her how it made her feel and acknowledge her feelings. Tell her you are sorry she had to go through all that. Tell her IT WAS NOT HER FAULT. My ex told me I turned him gay (after telling me he had known since he was 6). It has been hard for me to remember that I did not turn him gay - I am attractive and lovable. Tell her she is attractive and lovable, and that she deserves a good man. Tell her you are a good man, but that you weren't meant for her. Explain that it was hard for you to accept...

    You know what I'm talking about, and what you need to say to her - you just have to bite the bullet. What's the worst that can happen? She stays bitter at you? On the other hand, you guys might build a big bridge that has needed to be built for a long time. It may also smooth the way for the time when your kids start asking questions (and they will). Anyway, it's up to you. I wish you luck, love, laughter and Light! Mel xox

  • KarmaPlusOne profile image


    7 years ago from New Hampshire

    I like your honesty with no BS. Although I share the same boat with your exhusband, I assure you I'm riding it on a different level. Maybe the prominard deck with room service. :-) I never cheated on my ex wife. (I almost did one time, but something told me "Don't do it.") Most likely it was somewhat of a moral upbringing. Although my ex wife believes that I'm gay, I never told her. She already knows, and has been quite bitter for the last six years. The kids are getting older now, so let me ask you. Does the bitterness ever go away? Don't get me wrong. She does have her ups and downs, but more downs than normal. Her entire family lives in a hate bubble, when it comes to me. Any suggestions on how to bust that bubble? I really don't care about the rest of her family, I just want to get along with her, so the kids can leave somewhat of a normal life.

  • safe-at-last profile imageAUTHOR

    Mel Stewart 

    8 years ago from Western Australia

    Yes, I agree. In fact I can think of several descriptive words that should have his picture next to them in the online picture dictionary...

  • Mentalist acer profile image

    Mentalist acer 

    8 years ago from A Voice in your Mind!

    I promise you your Ex is sociopathic as in hyper-selfish...


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