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Updated on May 11, 2014

forgiving him

I knew someone since I was 8 years old. Well, perhaps I thought I knew him. I hadn't seen him in years. You never know how someone will turn out when they are older. You think that what was once their inner core, their true being, the part of them you knew was known to you, would remain the same. Was the footprint of their soul. And perhaps other people didn't know about it, but you did. You were certain that you knew him/her like no one else ever could. And they knew you. Knew the real you, not some portrayal of the you you wanted to be or thought you would be someday or some performance you put on for your friends through those teenage years. The cool you, the moody/pensive you, all those other you's that everyone else was entertained with. No, they knew the real you, the messy, insecure you. They knew you so well you couldn't ever hide from them, they always found you. Oftentimes it seemed as though they knew you better than you knew yourself, which could be annoying. Still, these are the reasons why you trusted them so completely, when suddenly BAM!!


It comes from nowhere and it blind sides you. What was that about? You are so shocked, the wind is knocked from your body. For a moment in that instant that you realize what has just happened to you, you can't even breath. Then came the questions...How could I not have known? How could I not have seen? Was I in some illusion? Was I in denial? Was I just blind and stupid by some attachment to this person? Wow, If you cannot trust someone you have called a "best friend" for 40 years (ok minus those years you were out of touch), how could you know ANYONE? Cynicism creeps in. "Can't trust anyone" you hear yourself saying... Not anyone, particularly anyone you don't know, anyone new, everyone is suspect now.

I am a spiritualist. I live by the ideal that we are all one. We are all connected somehow through the energy that is this universe, created this universe and we are made of. How could I go through life now not believing in those who are, in essence, part of me? As a spiritualist we also believe that what we do to someone we also do to ourselves. Has he somehow betrayed himself as well? Were those feelings real or were they lies? Was he lying to himself as well, or only me? These are questions I will never have the answers to.

However fleeting the pain may or may not be, we hurt others and we do hurt ourselves. This is whether we ignore it or not. But I don't wish pain for him, nor do I hate or resent him. I was shocked by an old friends betrayal and lies. I didn't see it coming. But for some reason, I found it easy to move forward. To acknowledge it, feel the pain and let it go. I would love to think this is my great evolution and enlightenment as a spiritualist, as a person who has studied and learned and grown. Perhaps it is my spitiruality that has carried me through this, I am not sure. But then I wonder what I do know for sure and it suddenly occurs to me.

Perhaps what I know for sure is that people are human and behave in ways we don't always understand, often out of self-preservation. Conciously or subconciously I became aware of this fact and simply forgave him. Forgiving helps us understand and have compassion. It is an amazing tool. I didn't think about it at the time, but I believe that is truly what makes it easier to move on. Because once we have the capacity to forgive, we let go of the pain and move forward.

Sadly, I could never trust him again and he will never be the same person to me that he was all these years. But at least I can forgive him. And that is alot. Maybe everything.


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      Richard 3 years ago

      Hi Dean,I have lived my whole life without hviang any real boundaries. people have always said strange things to me like oh you dont know who you are , or, where are you, or they have been angry at me for being in their space and lots more. I have studied psychotherapy trying to help myself by becoming a therapist, I have done other things to change how I am. over the years I have been able to not give myself such a hard time about my patterns anymore, but still, I feel like I have not changed. And while I am writing this I am noticing how confusing it all is, for me, and so probably for you as well. I dont know if you can help me, or if you maybe pick up something that could be helpful for me .and when I read Ninas letter about her sister Maria, I think I have no problems whatsoever and I am just whinging. I hope not.regards, Petra

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      Ronalee 3 years ago

      None can doubt the veciraty of this article.

    • Moonchild60 profile image

      Moonchild60 8 years ago

      I do not forget either Whiskeychick. I think we need to remember. We need to make sure we don't become victims to people who would take advantage, use or abuse us and that means we have to remember the signs and what it felt like so that we protect ourselves from having it happen again. Plus these experiences serve to make us stronger and/or help shape us, I think. We just can't remember with all that anger and resentment. That is the part we have to let go of. It just destroys US, not the other person.

      Goldentoad - I would love to know what your name means, it sounds mythical or from a fairy tale. So you are not a big forgiver, thats okay. Perhaps someday...anything is possible right?

    • goldentoad profile image

      goldentoad 8 years ago from Free and running....

      I'm not very successful at forgiving and worse at forgetting

    • WhiskeyChick profile image

      WhiskeyChick 8 years ago from North of Somewhere

      I never did agree with forgive and forget. I used to do that untill I decided that there were only so many times I was going to forgive what I "forgot" about. Now, I don't forget. It makes the forgiving a much more liberating feeling.

    • Moonchild60 profile image

      Moonchild60 8 years ago

      Thank you so much LAMatadora. And I love that saying about hate, I will be saying that to people all the time now!! (Hope you don't mind)...

    • profile image

      LAmatadora 8 years ago

      I can relate to this in many ways. I am a true believer in forgiving ( not always forgetting). If I kept all the anger inside me from everyone who has hurt me or betrayed me I would be losing my mind. As the old saying goes " hate is like drinking poison and expecting someone else to die."

      You seem to have a good head on your shoulders. Again I have enjoyed another hub of yours!

    • Moonchild60 profile image

      Moonchild60 8 years ago

      Thank you Whikat. Sometimes it just takes time. Time is a great healer. I hope one day when you think about him the pain isn't there. : )

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      Whikat 8 years ago

      Moonchild 60, you seem to be a very wise spiritualist. You write so beautifully, I could almost feel your pain of betrayal or at the very least remember my own feelings of being betrayed. I am glad you were able to forgive him. I still have a difficult time forgiving the one who betrayed me. I do not wish pain, suffering, or bad things for him, but the pain and shock still linger every once in awhile. I hope as a spirtualist also, that I will be able to forgive him totally and have the ability to heal myself. Great article :-)

    • Moonchild60 profile image

      Moonchild60 9 years ago

      Thank you lovezan.