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Friends: Who Needs Them!
Why do people come into your life and stay for a couple of years and then just leave? I mean is that how friendship works??? Are we just supposed to take it and say "well okay"? I don't get it..
When I was in high school I met Jason and Rebecca(Becca) and even though I was older than them we still got along great. Jason was like a little brother to me. We went through a lot together and Becca was hilarious. Her and I were like two peas in a pod. After I graduated I moved and things were rough for about 9 months, but when I moved back everything seemed to be just fine. Well when they graduated which was 2 years later, Jason moved away and we stopped talking. Which to me was weird. I don't ever remember him and I getting into a fight about something or one of us ending the friendship. I was super depressed because I missed him so much. I started calling him and trying to get us to meet, but he wouldn't talk to me and I didn't understand why. 5 years passed and even though I moved on I never forgot him and I never really understood what had happened... until New Years Eve 2011. I got a text from him saying that we were cool and that everything is fine.. I was like ""OHHH HELL NO!!" I texted him back asking him why he totally ignored me for 5 years. His responds was literally ridiculous! He said that he had thought that for some "STRANGE" reason I had been using him.. I was so mad. I sent this huge text message to him saying that I never used him. If I did would I have been there for him when things were bad, would I have let him live with me when his mother kicked him out of his house, would I have treated him like family if I used him?? A part of me is happy that we're talking and that I have him in my life again, but the other part of me is so mad and sad because I know its never going to be the same friendship as it was so long ago. A big part of me always thought that if we ever rekindled that the friendship would always stay as it was. Boy was I a fool.
Now Becca and I were still really good friends when Jason moved away. I think about a year later she started getting really sick and she wasn't able to hang out at all. I tried my best to see her and call her almost everyday, but I had a life of my own and I had a job, I was living with my fiance and I was trying to plan my wedding. I tried to come over and call when I could, but everytime she would always be sleeping and not want to hang out.. So I gave up. I moved on. I had my wedding and I didn't invite her or her family, because I wasn't talking to any of them. That was when shit hit the fan. As of today Ms. Becca is still mad at me because she see's it as I left her when she was sick. that and I didn't invite her to my wedding. She doesn't want to hear my side of the story and that's fine. I have moved on, I have found more friends. I don't need her in my life. I do miss our friendship and all the memories, but if she's going to be an immature brat about it, then so be it!
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Don't worry about the lecture.. Its good to hear this.. I've been dwelling on this Becca thing for a long time and your right. I need to move on and give my time to the people who are in my life now. Thank you.. You might be right about Jason using me. I agree with you on the using me was a poor excuse. it was and its sad that it had to come down to that. Thank you again!
Hi another great hub if a distressing one for yourself. There is an old Scottish saying - 'there is nothing queerer than folk.' And that saying is as true today as it was many moons ago.
As to Jason - well, forgive me for being blunt, but just from reading your hub, it seems like he's the one who was/is using you. As marellen says in her response - he had problems that had nothing to do with you and this is how he coped - so basically the fault does not lie with you. This is the kind of things that people do and it hurts. But Jason seems to have got himself sorted out and then comes back to you with some lame excuse that he thought you were using him???? I don't understand that? If that is the case why not say so all those years ago?It could be that as a person he has changed and felt the need to make contact again. Which is a good thing but I feel that the 'using me' is a very poor excuse. If you accuse someone of that - especially a friend - then you should explain clearly why you feel this way and not just walk away and ignore them for five years.
As to Becca. That can be a tricky one. When people are ill it can affect their mental health as well. Now all I mean by that is that if Becca was depressed because of her sickness - and it sounds as if she might have been; they can be - not intentionally - very selfish. That's just the way depression can present itself sometimes. When you gave up trying to see her, in her depressed state, she saw that as being abandoned. It's not true of course. Sick friend or not you did have your own life to lead and you did try on numerous occasions to rally her and see her. Becca has to accept that you did try and you also had other committments. But as you have moved on then so does she. It can be unfortunate when illness comes between a friendship but it does happen. That's life and one of the down sides of life. And where there is a lot of love and affection it does hurt much more than a casual aquaintance. But you have written about it, got it off your chest, time to move on again and give your time and your heart to your husband, family and to the friends that are in your life now.
Lastly, I do apologise for the lecture - once I get on my bloody soap box I forget to come off. I really enjoyed your hub and hope you have got some healing out of writing it. Bright Blessings.
It must be Friends topic on Hubs today.....
People come in and out of our lives forever until the day we die. Family, is always there because blood is thicker than water.
We all can relate to your hub and have experienced the samething. Jason had problems that had nothing to do with you and this was his way of coping. At least now you are talking and may not be best of friends but at least you know the reason behind the break up
Becca, is a puzzle and you will never know the truth behind all of it. She has her family that helped dig a hole with your relationship and she is very tight with them; almost too tight, if you know what I mean.
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