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- Relationship Problems & Advice
Friends or foes? Breaking away or becoming buds with your ex.
When you think back to your first crush, do you ever happen to realize and say to yourself "wow...I've grown up." From those first playground puppy eyes, to your most recent infatuation. Did you know exactly where to go from those feelings? Growing up I wondered, when do I really decide I'm ready to start dating? One thing I always wished could be offered in school, would be a course about relationships. No one walks you through your first date, first kiss, or first serious romance. Your mom can be sure you took your lunch to school in kindergarten, but she can't be sure you will never have your heartbroken. Life would be so much easier if we were all handed a "road map to love: for dummies" , with our birth certificates. But we all know life wouldn't be as interesting, that's for sure. A part of growing up is realizing the things you didn't when you were younger.
And growing from your mistakes and passed experiences. Holding onto the things that make you happy, and letting go of things that are not necessarily right for you. Or in most cases, what might not necessarily be healthy. It's sort of like going food shopping, you know you should be buying from the healthier sections, but those brownies on isle 5 are slowly making there way to your shopping cart. Sometimes things that seem good In the moment, may not be so great in the long run.
When starting a new relationship, (assuming the both of you are serious) you take it day by day, just hoping for the best. Some days you will be inseparable, and others you'll need your space. One thing to remember is every couple bumps heads, it's normal. All relationship have there up's and down's. Spending so much time with another person, you'll learn there entire way of being. Bad habits will get to you, as well as those firework moments where you realize just how much you care for them. Whether you've dated for weeks, months or years, it's very easy to become attached to your boyfriend or girlfriend. Some people confuse attachment with weakness. Listen, if an outsider is telling you not to get attached, chances are they've never had a serious relationship in their life or are just way to scared to even try. Applaud yourself for falling for someone, that shows true strength and that is a quality to embrace.
Anyone who's been there will say, it's amazing to fall in love. The sky looks a little bluer, the grass a tad greener, and everyone will notice your new found glow. Though no one quite prepares you for the downside and hardest part of relationships, the break-ups. I once herd "If you have to separate from your love, you were never in love to begin with." And I personally think that's purely ignorant. No relationship is perfect, and for whatever reason they can end unexpectedly. Sometimes its better to close a relationship on a good note, instead of letting it get to that point of resentment. Trying to hard to make a relationship work can just mean this isn't the right time or place for the both of you in this point of your lives. And believe it or not, despite the hurt, the pain, and the hate stage, there is a positive to everything. And you will most definitely be ok.
Now its time to ask yourself, what you expected from your boyfriend while you were together, do you still now broken up, expect the same thing? Being single is hard to get used to. It's easy to find yourself mistakenly falling back into the routine of being with someone else. Wanting to call and see how their day is going, or maybe meet up for lunch. But one thing that needs to be clear about break-ups is they do not include "I love you babe" , or just called to say goodnight. Things have to change now that you are no longer together. But really, is it time to be friends? It's not easy to fix all the mends that tore the both of you up in the first place. And most things left broken will be fixed with time.
Giving your ex a spot in your life again is a very touchy subject. The way I see it, you have two options. Option number one: Leave them alone, delete them from your life with no hope of any contact. Meaning happy birthday text messages, and maybe a Christmas card if your feeling cheery. Breaking up does mean taring that picture of both of you into two separate pieces. You are one full person, not just a half of two anymore. Success to this is remembering, sometimes you must be cruel to be kind. Option number two: Being friends. Occasional conversations, inviting them to go out with you in a group of friends, acting as if nothing ever happened between the both of you, which is really not always easy. Their is always forgiving, but someone you have a past with makes forgetting a force to be reckoned with.
Honestly there is no right or wrong answer to this. Every relationship has different reasons for parting ways in the first place. Ask yourself this, why did we break-up? Sometimes when one person in the relationship thinks there was no reason for ending (which is what happens most of the time) they will always want more than friendship. And if you, yourself do not want to give your relationship another try, option one is the healthiest for the both of you.
Some cases you and your ex might have just dated because of how close you were to begin with. Some will say there's no wrong in dating your best friend, and it could be the perfect marriage. Trying something out just because it could technically "work"…will never be a guarantee.
If you believe your relationship with your ex still has hope, the most basic but important thing you can do is simply, GIVE IT TIME . No matter the severity of the situation, nothing will be fixed if they are being forced. If the two of you are still in love, you both will know it. You divide break-up into two pieces and you have a break, which a lot of the times is exactly what it turns out to be. A break is not something to stress yourself out over, though at the moment you might not even know you're going through it. Just be yourself, go out with your friends. Focus on things you were probably too busy with your boyfriend or girlfriend to do before. Don't feel awkward to do things alone, your not a barbie comes with ken doll. You were made separately, sold seperately, and I'm pretty sure your ID card only says your name right? So allow fate to take matters into its own hands. Remember, you lived before him and you sure as hell will live after.