Friends with Benefits: Is it worth it? How does it work?
Emotional Roller Coaster
Let's just say if you're an emotional wreck, you probably don't want to go ahead and commit your self to casual sex or a casual relationship, as that is the equation for disaster, especially if you just got out of a relationship or you are just desperate to be in one.
Remember that friends with benefits is not a relationship, and even though a friends with benefits situation can be considered a casual relationship, that doesn't mean that it is a "real" relationship (IE boyfriend/girlfriend).
In order to have a "friends with benefits" type casual relationship, you want to make sure that you are in the right mindset for that type of relationship. You want to make sure that you are stable enough on your own before attempting this feat, and yes it truly is a feat- an endeaver that many people cannot undergo.
This book is about relationships-healthy and unhealthy ones with clear definitions and descriptions of boundaries, a self-assessment survey, and more.
No Strings Attached
What are the rules of a casual relationship (IE friends with benefits)? Well, it's a little more complicated than you think. I mean, casual sex seems pretty simple, but if you have opted for casual intercourse and sexual activity exclusively with one person, it's a little more complicated than you think.
- No feelings involved.
You have to make sure that you and your potential "cuddle buddy" are both in the proper mindset. If one of the two of you actually has feelings for the other, then it's not going to work. Think about it, if Jane has the slightest amount of feelings towards John, then she's just going to get hurt thinking the intimacy will lead to a "real" relationship when it probably won't.
And with casual relationships, no one is supposed to get hurt, that's why it's called casual...
- No strings attached.
Meaning that you can bug the other person "whatcha doing?" "wanna go to the movies?" "can i come?" "who ya hanging out with?" None of that.
Basically, this goes hand in hand with no feelings involved. The more strings there are, the more feelings get involved, and if you truly are not looking for a committed relationship, then you don't want serious feelings and attachments to be involved.
- Don't have expectations.
If you have any expectations about when you and your "cuddle buddy" will be hanging out, or any expectations about the future of the casual relationship that you've found yourself in, then stop right there. End it. Keep your troublemaker locked inside your pants.
The minute you start having expectations about when you're supposed to hang out or what you or the other person are supposed to be doing, that's it. You've got a few strings, and strings lead to attachments, which lead to feelings, and if you're in a casual relationship with one thing on your mind, you don't want to further this situation.
You don't want anyone to get hurt, and the minute one person starts to get feelings that the other is not experiencing, someone is going to get hurt, even if you don't mean it.
Casual Relationships for Men
It's true that everyone wants to get laid. The only trouble is that it's not as easy as most people would like. This book is going to show you that the secret of getting laid is not in finding some sort of mystic mojo that will put you through to the next level.
Casual Relationships Among Friends
With the basic rules understood, the question is, "can friends have casual relationships and still be friends?"
Personally, I think so, as long as both parties make sure to keep any sign of seriousness out of the picture. Keep things fun, playful, and string-free, and I believe friends can carry on a "friends with benefits" relationship.
Just make sure that all of the rules about the situation are outlined in the beginning before things ever get started.
My opinion isn't the same as other's though. Many people believe that if all you want is casual sex, leave your friends out of it. You don't want to lose a friendship of a casual relationship.
When deciding whether or not you want to be friends with benefits, the ultimate decision is going to be up to you, but personally, if you're going to have casual sex with someone, wouldn't you prefer that you at least know the person and trust the person? I know I would.
The one thing that I wouldn't recommend, is a friend with benefit that was once a boyfriend, or girlfriend, but you never know maybe that would work for you. You just want to make sure that there are no leftover feelings underlying with either party.
Casual Relationships for Women
Mindless fling, harmless hook-up, booty call, friends with benefits. Call it what you want, but let's be honest: more females than ever are choosing to stay single-and sleeping around has become an accepted, if not expected, part of the singles scene. But while casual sex is no longer a girl's dirty little secret, it's not always as easy as it's often made out to be.
Think YOU could have a friend with benefits?
Worth... Is it there?
Now, if you are seriously thinking about a friends with benefits situation, good for you, give it a shot. I don't recommend it for everyone, but if you think you want to try it, go for it.
And, you never know, that friend with benefit situation may actually turn into more, but don't get your hopes up and don't go into the situation thinking that!!!
Just remember that a casual relationship is a lot of work on both parties. It's not something that is truly as care-free as it seems, and whether or not it is worth it in the end, that's something are going to have to decide.
Personally, whether a casual relationship is worth it or not, depends on the situation and the person.
An example being, an old friend comes to town for a month. You've been talking for about a month prior, and you've decided to "see where things go," but at the same time the friend will be moving over 12 hours away at the end of that month. You can either 1) truly see where things will take you, or 2) have a good time no strings attached. It's really up to you as to the decision, but if you go into the situation wanting to see where things will take you, what happens when the friend leaves and you or the friend has more feelings than intended, what then? Would you move? Or would you rather not stress the situation, and just have a good time for a month?
I'm a stresser, so my decision is to limit the amount of stress to undergo. I'll opt for pure fun for a month. But, what do you do?