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Friends With Benefits - How to Get Out of The Friend Zone

Updated on September 19, 2008

How do you go from Friends to Friends With Benefits

Getting a woman to see you as a sexual being instead of as a Friend Zone civilian is hard.

Many women are possessive with their stuff, and that includes friends. Think about it. A guy goes to a bar with friends from work and runs into his friends from hockey. He introduces the two groups. Two of the guys wind up talking and discover they both like the Yankees. The guy finds out later that these two friends of his that he introduced, have been going to Yankee games together. His reaction is, "Oh." in general, he doesn't really care.

Newsflash: this is rarely the case in the female world. A woman goes to a happy hour with her girlfriends from work, and bumps into her girlfriends from Curves, introduces the groups, and finds out later that two of the women hit it off and went to lunch. You can bet that woman wants to know why she wasn't invited. She feels a little jealous, a little left out, a little slighted. She may handle it maturely, and she may not. But either way, I promise you, she was bothered by it at least a little.

Remember this when you're staging your Escape from Planet Friend. See her reaction when you ask another chick-friend to a movie or something. (Be nice! Be careful and clear with this other person that you are just looking for a friend to enjoy this activity with. You are not allowed to use people. Ever. )

Next, plant the seed. Go ahead and talk to your friend as a friend, and tell her how you'd love to have a "Friends With Benefits" situation with this other person. If your friend has any attraction for you at all, I promise you, she wants to know why it's this other person you'd like to "benefit" with and not her. I promise, that is what she is thinking. The hard part is getting her to admit it.

For that you'll have to pay attention. Follow her lead. Take clues and hints as far as you can. If she is forward enough to say, "Why her?" - be just as forward back: "Because she reminds me of you. I'd love to have sex with you, but I didn't think you'd be into a non-committed casual sexual thing."

Once you blurt it out, you can drop it. It's safe. Throw it out there and then walk away. If she has any interest at all, she will pick it up and bring it back. Women are as sexual and horny as men are, they just don't like it known.

When she confronts you, I'd recommend making it as easy as possible for her to talk. Let her admit she is attracted to you, or that she has thought about it, or ... whatever it is she's ready to say. Listen, validate her feelings. Smile, make eye contact. Once she's talking about it, feel free to flirt and let her see the attraction you have for her.

Sex can be many things from humiliating to empowering. Make this an empowering positive inviting situation for her. Let her feel the things we all want to feel regarding our sex drives. Let her feel some control, some power, some animal instincts. Make sure she knows she's attractive. She turns you on. She's your first choice. Make her feel safe and wanted, and your odds of her being able to be honest dramatically increase.

Keep it honest. If you want Friends with Benefits, say so. Do NOT say lets see what happens, if you don't want to see. There is no shame in sharing sex. There is only shame in dishonesty.

This is your way out of the Friend Zone, and into the Friends with Benefits Zone. And if she hasn't "zoned" you yet, make sure you're honest about your intentions. That clears the way for her to be honest too.

She will see you differently if you can get her to see you through different eyes. The eyes of another friend might just do the trick.

If you like this HUB please click the “Thumbs-Up” below just before the comments.


All text is original content by Veronica.

All photos are used with permission.

All videos are used courtesy of Youtube.


Submit a Comment

  • profile image


    8 years ago

    Every time !m thinking about sex is diverted my mind and also disturbad,its very difficult 2 keep concentration on my work so please give advice me to get out from it...........

  • profile image

    get her everytime 

    8 years ago

    i have tried that a lot but i just get the "friend" alone watching a movie and then we eventually make eye contact and look deep into her eyes then say "you are beautiful". it works every time and then you can talk about friends with benefits after you hook up.

  • Mortgagestar1 profile image


    9 years ago from Weirton,West Virginia

    Mutual honesty and trust are key to any FWB.

  • Black and Black profile image

    Black and Black 

    10 years ago from Bulawayo Zimbabwe

    Good , factual ,to the point and very practical. It is refreshingly different way of seing and viewing the world, a true mindset shift for me!!

  • H. P. Loveboat profile image


    10 years ago from New York CIty

    I think this is actually well thought out and seems to speak from experience. Now, if only I had any female friends to try it with...*sigh*

  • profile image


    10 years ago

    Honesty doesn't solve everything but I think it's a good insight. Enjoyed reading. Thanks.

  • Misha profile image


    11 years ago from DC Area

    That's an interesting twist. I bet it should work if done properly.

  • profile image

    Eva Chen 

    11 years ago

  • Veronica profile imageAUTHOR


    11 years ago from NY

    Now now, kids. Play nice.

    hazlamy, thanks for your comment and your point about some people not being open minded enough. There are a lot of closed minded people, and hopefully someone trying to move into the friends with benefits zone wouldn't pick a friend that would be closed off to the option. You're right, that could be painful for both parties.

    But making any generalization about any one nationality like that isn't really accurate.

    A W G - thanks for your comment, but please don't post puuurrrn links here, I don't think we're allowed to. (Though feel free to email them to me ;) ) I couldn't edit your comment to remove them and just show your statement.

    No haters on my hubs, ok? Thanks.

  • profile image

    A White Guy 

    11 years ago

    hazlamy are you high??

    Whenever I go out with my friends to just score, we always cruise for asians,they are by far the slutiest and the most openminded about sex.

  • profile image


    11 years ago

    to be that too open minded and too honest, she might think you as a pervert or obsess. being that honest might get a painful rejection because asian girls are not that open minded to say a thing about sex.

  • Isabella Snow profile image

    Isabella Snow 

    11 years ago

    "I'd love to have sex with you, but I didn't think you'd be into a non-committed casual sexual thing"

    Hmm. Put like that, I'd take it as a dare!


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