- Gender and Relationships
Friends With Benefits - You're There! Now What?
All Good Things Must Come to an End
You're in the Friends with Benefits Zone. You have been able to maintain a friendship with her, have sex with her, and not become her boyfriend.
Ideally this will go on for a long time. For one thing it takes some of the base and animal pressures off of the dating world. It is amazing how much more clear headed you can be when you're gettin' some. For another thing, it can be enlightening for you to see yourself with that clarity. You may be able better to gage how ready you are for a real relationship or how ready you are not.
But eventually All Things Must Pass. What happens to the ideal arrangement then? Where do you go from here?
The big reasons you move along from this arrangement, are that one of you has begun dating someone else, or that one of you wants more than friends with the other.
One of you is now dating someone else -
I like to think of this as a time-out more than an ending. We all now how it is dating. It is hit and miss. Things can quickly sour. Whether it be you are her doing the dating, don't say or do anything that is irreversible. Wait and see.
I had several sex-buddies in between my many years of serial dating. It is possible to have someone that you really like & click with sexually, that you hook up with when you're both single. And it is possible that this can last for many years. As long as you're honest with each other and your feelings stay basically the same, this arrangement can be healthy, happy, natural and long term.
One tip to remember regarding the fairer sex is to be respectful and polite regarding her new dating choice but to never let her feel you find her less attractive. Don't dis the new guy in her life; it only makes you look petty or jealous even if you are right. And don't forget to let her know whatever she had with you, she still has. Compliment her hair, her dress. Tell her she looks divine. You don't have to go beyond that into an uncomfortable flirting state, and you don't have to do it in front of her new beau. But do it. Discreetly and sweetly. It keeps you in a sexual place in her mind when she knows you haven't lost your attraction.
One of you wants to be more than friends -
To put it bluntly, unless you both cross this line, this is the end of everything. The benefits, the friendship, all of it. When you have an intimate friendship with someone it's hard enough maintaining it if one of you is in love. Add sex into that equation and you've passed impossible.
If it's your casual sex partner that has fallen, do the responsible thing and be straight up. Tell them you do not reciprocate those feelings. Tell them you're flattered, but it just isn't there for you.
And don't sleep with them again.
The whole casual sexual friends with benefits thing has been fun and healthy and natural. It's been understandable and basically honest. But right here is where it becomes something self serving, one sided, and possibly cruel.
If you continue to sleep with a person that has admitted their true feelings of love for you, you're giving them false hope. Don't lie to yourself and say this is an adult and they know what they are doing. Once someone is in love, they don't always know what they are doing. And if this is a friend then they are depending on you to do the right thing when they can't.
Don't hallucinate that not sleeping with her will hurt her. Oh my god, that "I didn't want to hurt her feelings" bullshit really makes you sound retarded. If she says she is in love, and you are not, then be a man. Suck it up. And stop sleeping with her.
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All text is original content by Veronica.All photos are used with permission. All videos are used courtesy of Youtube.