Gearjammer

Driving on this endless road, can’t get her off my mind

So many things I should have told her then,

But in all the confusion, the only words that I could find

Echo in my memory once again.

I know I should have stayed there, could have kissed away the tears,

But the time had come to face life honestly.

And now our lives have branched apart and I can’t replace those years,

I protected her from everything but me.

The road is no escape route from the feelings that I hide,

My memories move faster than my wheels.

I’d give her the satisfaction of knowing how I hurt inside,

But there’s no way to convey the way it feels.

I lean against my rig and see a stranger in the chrome

With wrinkled denim jeans and tired eyes.

18 wheels and greasy meals will not replace a home,

But I’m addicted to the green lights and blue skies.

When others show me photos of their children, home and wife,

I envy what I could have had and lost.

The highway is my mistress and the white line is my life,

It’s too late now to itemize the cost.

Running westbound on I-40 toward a setting desert sun,

The horizon is a fire-line of light.

I’d drive ten thousand miles to see to see a flaming sky like that.

I thank you, Lord, for giving me my sight.

Having booked my mileage through a thousand little towns,

On every country road and Interstate,

This will be my last commitment, I’ll shut this diesel engine down,

And let the other truckers pull the freight.

No more breakdowns, repairs or permits…no more tollroads, scales and fines

Yes, I’ll gladly give it up when I am done.

But this fever isn’t wearing off, and I must make up my mind,

Lord, give me the strength to quit…after one more run.

There is a time for change...a time to distance ourselves from everything and everyone that doesn't bring out the best in us. Driving provided me with the distance, isolation and opportunity to make necessary decisions. After 117,000 accident-free miles that carried me through 44 of the 48 contiguous states, I had the time and objectivity to develop and commit to new priorities. When the decision was made, I made another run or two (or three), then stopped driving, which was oddly difficult for me, since one commitment blended almost seamlessly into another. I returned to a scheduled part-time work schedule in a different environment and to college classes. I'm happily married now with two fine children, but that would not have been possible if I continued driving as an independent trucker.