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Get Off The Center - How to Not Care About What Others Think of You in Social Situations
Musing, ruminating and mulling over the supposed idea that people are thinking something about you can be very bothersome, especially if you’re usually introspective. The assumption that people are always on the lookout for you isn’t bearable, especially for someone who is nerdy.
Also, the thought that whatever you do can be picked out and used against you is something that has stalled a lot of people from being inexpressive and unreserved. This is very problematic because we don’t get to see the real personality or attitude of people just because of some alleged opinion they think people would make of them. No wonder many people are never comfortable being around others. Here are a few ideas that can get you off that wrong mental attitude.
First of all, you’d have to decide not to care at all to please people. You see, if you keep your focus on doing something that pleases people, so they won’t have an ugly opinion of you, you’d be amazed that it’s not just going to work out as you expected. Interestingly, those who seek to please others that are mostly regarded with less esteem; on the other hand, those who don’t bother at all about whether or not they are pleasing others are actually the ones revered with much respect or esteem.
But why is this so, it’s because trying to please others is a sign of mediocrity. Mediocre people are the ones who put their self worth at the expense of someone else’s approval. That’s just not the way to go. When you embrace vulnerability, you give yourself liberty and freedom to be uninhibited, not caring about who is being pleased or not being pleased.
Furthermore, people are not wired in such a way as to be pleased when they see the best in others, they’re predominantly happy when you’re under them seeking and obsequiously begging for their approval. Not everyone will be seeking your preferment at the expense of theirs. Be wise and refuse to wait for their approval, give yourself approval, you’re something to be reckoned with—God’s highest form of creation, and be in control of your life.
Focusing on yourself is in itself a selfish act. No selfish and self-seeking person, with a mixture of pride, would ever make it socially. As a matter of fact, it takes selflessness to really make an impact in any area of life. A salient reason for being introspective is always because of fear not being too outlandish or socially unaccepted. Apart from the fact that this doesn’t help in anyway, it goes a step further by reproducing the highly dreaded social awkwardness. It’s like a downward spiral effect that reinforces an unwanted behavior over and over again.
Jack Canfield, in his book on How to Get from where You are to Where You Want to Be, writes, “Our limiting thoughts create images in our mind, and those images govern our behavior, which in turn reinforces that limiting thought.” Your mind has the ability to recreate in your environment what you focus on it. To change this recurrence, you must get your view of the imperfect you off yourself and focus on the high-class, better, advanced you. You must inundate your mind with thoughts and images of the more beautiful you, hence offsetting the negative recurrences.
Now, here’s a new question you can ask yourself, “What do I think of them?” Without a doubt, this question will really help in shifting your focus or your attention off yourself. Instead of focusing your mind on the self-impairing thoughts of what others think of you, why not turn the tides and ask yourself what you think of them. This is very important because, as initially stated, the mind has the ability to recreate what is focused on it. Hence, letting your mind focus on it would relief you of mental burden and inhibition. You’d even literally begin to feel a relief as a result of the offload of your initial burden.
In conclusion, Stephen Erdman, an expert on issues relating to social anxiety says, “A powerful way of focusing your mind on anything is to ask a question that focuses you on that thing.” For example, if you ask yourself, “What do I think of them (That is; the other person)?” Your mind automatically begins to focus on trying to answer it hence a busy mind.
Having your mind on this new concept totally blanks out the initial thought of what others think of you. This is a way of tricking your mind into forgetting and dissipating the unsuitable initially assumed thought of what they’re thinking you. Focusing on others would help you have a wonderful and blissful social life; not focusing on what others thinks of you.
© 2017 Matthew Joseph