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Getting It Right In Remarriage

Updated on September 13, 2009

When A Marriage Goes Wrong

Marriages fail for many reasons. When two people can't work out their conflict and live in the same roof anymore despite all efforts to save it, then it's over. The couple must live with the consequences of the divorce or separation. When there are children involved, there's more damage control to deal with, which can take years.

Divorce is one thing, the healing process another, then there's the moving on. Depending on how the relationship ended, the depth of the wound inflicted, on either partners, will determine the length of time it will require for the getting over. In fact, some never fully recover and become paralyzed, which is a worst tragedy. There is life after divorce. In fact, there is a better future when you learn from yours and other people's mistakes. If you were incompatible with your ex, you already know the type you may not want to avoid next time you try again.

When you finally come to terms that the spouse is gone and there's no possibility of any reconciliation, lick your wounds. Give yourself time to complete the transition from married to single hood. The best thing to do is get busy, or 'busier', with whatever work or business you have been doing. A good distraction works wonders in moving forward. Surround yourself with friends and family, and let them love on you because you need it. Self pity is destructive and unproductive, and finding community will help. If you have children, then you have more work cut out for you. Lose yourself in being a better parent by being extra sensitive to the emotional and psychological tensions children with divorced parents go through. You may have to find outside help for them too, should the problem prove to be more critical.

When do you consider entering another relationship? Not right away. Your singlehood can be a gift, as we know some who have traveled that road have confessed. Jumping into another relationship can create more problems than you may realize. If you want to start dating again, pace yourself, and this time, be more selective. There are many ways to meet people, but be more thoughtful and careful.

When i divorced, it took all 8 years before i found someone special. I was a single mom focused on raising my daughter. I began dating two years after my marriage fell apart, and i met all types of men, and as a model, there was plenty to choose from. I took my divorce harder than folks realized, that's why i couldn't just jump into another relationship. I wasn't willing to make another mistake, i was harder on myself. I saw it as a failure, a defeat and to suffer another was no longer an option.

I knew it was time to remarry when i could focus on my new found love and we could celebrate each other. The air was clear, there were no barriers, or unnecessary baggage's to keep us from forging ahead. After divorce, there is the possibility of remarriage.


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    • IslandVoice profile imageAUTHOR

      Sylvia Van Velzer 

      9 years ago from Hawaii

      Thanks GP for your input. Indeed marriage can be such a mystery, quite difficult to capture and understand, like the couples that enter into it's realm. But, we are 'nature' ourselves, God created, and perhaps if we find how we are divinely connected, there will be less confusion about the meaning and purpose of marriage.

    • G P Tripathi profile image

      Dr G P Tripathi 

      9 years ago from India

      Fundamentally marriage is not a relationship planned by nature, It is an arrangement evolved by the society and the community. Over the period it has proven to be best compromise between total abstinence or sainthood and free sex.

      Then there are so many other concepts that are least understood but most talked about like romance, caring, love, happiness, bliss etc etc etc. every one has his own set of confusing ideas on these issues that complicate the life further. Every one thinks that the other is having more love than him/her.

      It is so difficult to understand your self and discover your true self, then how is it possible to know your partner and above all dedicate your life to this togetherness, its not possible. This is why when the initial courtesies of love and affection turn in to marriage and hoopla of marriage ceremony is over, the reality begins to show its head.

      The dissatisfaction graph begins to rise.

      Hence the need is to first understand the origin & limitations of marriage itself, its not a god sent relationship, its man made and has its own set of compromises built in. when we get fed up with those compromises, marriage is over. then you start all over again by entering into a different set of compromises, to be fed up with them again.

      Only hose marriages last where both partners some how are able to cope with the set of compromises offered by the other partner.


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