- Gender and Relationships»
- Separation & Divorce
Getting It Right In Remarriage
When A Marriage Goes Wrong
Marriages fail for many reasons. When two people can't work out their conflict and live in the same roof anymore despite all efforts to save it, then it's over. The couple must live with the consequences of the divorce or separation. When there are children involved, there's more damage control to deal with, which can take years.
Divorce is one thing, the healing process another, then there's the moving on. Depending on how the relationship ended, the depth of the wound inflicted, on either partners, will determine the length of time it will require for the getting over. In fact, some never fully recover and become paralyzed, which is a worst tragedy. There is life after divorce. In fact, there is a better future when you learn from yours and other people's mistakes. If you were incompatible with your ex, you already know the type you may not want to avoid next time you try again.
When you finally come to terms that the spouse is gone and there's no possibility of any reconciliation, lick your wounds. Give yourself time to complete the transition from married to single hood. The best thing to do is get busy, or 'busier', with whatever work or business you have been doing. A good distraction works wonders in moving forward. Surround yourself with friends and family, and let them love on you because you need it. Self pity is destructive and unproductive, and finding community will help. If you have children, then you have more work cut out for you. Lose yourself in being a better parent by being extra sensitive to the emotional and psychological tensions children with divorced parents go through. You may have to find outside help for them too, should the problem prove to be more critical.
When do you consider entering another relationship? Not right away. Your singlehood can be a gift, as we know some who have traveled that road have confessed. Jumping into another relationship can create more problems than you may realize. If you want to start dating again, pace yourself, and this time, be more selective. There are many ways to meet people, but be more thoughtful and careful.
When i divorced, it took all 8 years before i found someone special. I was a single mom focused on raising my daughter. I began dating two years after my marriage fell apart, and i met all types of men, and as a model, there was plenty to choose from. I took my divorce harder than folks realized, that's why i couldn't just jump into another relationship. I wasn't willing to make another mistake, i was harder on myself. I saw it as a failure, a defeat and to suffer another was no longer an option.
I knew it was time to remarry when i could focus on my new found love and we could celebrate each other. The air was clear, there were no barriers, or unnecessary baggage's to keep us from forging ahead. After divorce, there is the possibility of remarriage.