- Gender and Relationships
Getting Out; Leaving a relationship
Bert handed Mary the divorce
petition in the morning.
Last night they had sex and.
slept together. It was over
coffee he handed her the document.
She asked if it were a joke.
Bert explained that he'd wanted a last memory before ending the marriage.
Further, he wanted her to move out as he was going to marry his girlfriend and she would live here.
(This is a true story; just in case you were wondering)
Mary instantly contacted her lawyer and this became the first test of a new law on Matrimonial Property.
Fortunately for Mary, unfortunately for Bert, the house would be divided 50/50 and Bert's girlfriend would never ever get to live in that big pretty mansion.
During the war between Bert and Mary, Mary had moved out.
If she had sense, she would have stayed out.
Mary had moved out because
the anger and hatred Bert
showed her was terrifying.
He was so into his girlfriend
it seemed he would have
killed Mary if he had to.
Although Bert and Mary had been married 20 years and had a grown child, it was as if Mary meant nothing to Bert.
It is almost unbelievable that a man who has lived with a woman for twenty years can become so dazzled by a gal that he virtually would kill his wife to possess his gal.
But this is true.
It is true in this case, in many cases.
On the Other Side
The girlfriend expected Mary would be gone in a few days, and she'd be living in the mansion.
She waited a few months, until it was clear that the house would have to be divided 50/50 between Bert and Mary.
She, the outside gal would never get the mansion. Further, Bert's money was going into the lawsuit.
Girlfriend looked in the mirror.
She was in her thirties, Bert was in his 60s. There was no sense getting involved with an old man if he wasn't extremely wealthy with no liabilities.
It seemed that by the time the divorce was through, Bert would be close to 70 and scarcely have enough money to buy her a diamond.
Mary, who had moved into a decent flat, watched the situation between Bert and his girlfriend play out to the inevitable end.
Before the divorce reached Court, the girlfriend had packed up and left.
Bert was now alone.
He probably realised that the girl was in it for the house and the money and not him. He probably noticed he was now alone.
And he'd soon have to move from the house he'd worked for because his wife was going to order a forced sale.
To save his house, to regain his previous stability, Bert attempted a rapprochement with his wife.
Mary had won!
She had chased the gold digger!
She had proven her superiority!
Bert was apologising, begging
her to give him another chance....
If Mary had the brains she was
born with, she would have shaken
her head and walked away.
She could return to the matrimonial
home, as a Queen at the head of a
victorious army.....but not take him back.
Her friends tried to stop her, but Mary waxed lyrical, talking about forgiveness
as if Bert was some teenage boy who fell for a trick instead of of a big old man
who was ruled by his gonads and decided to replace his 40 year old wife with
a new model.
Mary's lawyer cautioned her; for it seemed clear to the world that the only reason
Bert wanted her back is because he didn't want to lose the house.
But Mary, infused with a sense of being magnanimous, decided to give Bert another chance.
Good Deeds Never Go Unpunished
Whether Bert knew, when he
called Mary and begged her
return, or found out
afterwards is not the
What was, is that Bert was dying of cancer. He was dying and there was Mary, turning into his nurse.
There was Mary cleaning soiled sheets, bathing him, looking after him until the day he died.
For over four years after the attempted divorce Mary was enslaved to Bert. Her life, for the final plus four years, was Bert-centric. And then he died.
She was there when he died. Fortunately, he was in the hospital, not the matrimonial home.
The girlfriend, the one he loved so much that he was willing to throw Mary on the street to please wasn't there, didn't care.
And by the time Bert died, Mary was nearly a pauper. She has spent everything on Bert's treatment.
If Mary, when learning how his Girlfriend had dumped him, shrugged, and went on with the Divorce she would have gotten 50% of the house.
The house would have been sold, the proceeds would be used to buy another.
If Mary had not 'forgiven' Bert and took him back, allowing him to eat four more years of her life, draining her of all strength, all wealth, she would be in a better position today than she was the day before he said 'divorce.'
But Mary forgave him, took him back. Destroyed her career, her value, everything so that by the time he died she was worse off than the day he handed her the petition.
Today, looking back she realises that she was used.
Used, as a free 24 hour a day nurse.
That a man who would have put her on the street and ensconced his gal into the house without a blink, was able to reduce her to a virtual slave and she let him.
Had she stayed out, used the money to buy her own home she would have had a chance to start over. Why she went back is a mistake many women make.
To disastrous consequences.
When a third party is brought into a relationship, the 'replaced' spouse should leave.
Leave and take as much as possible.
If Mary had demanded the forced sale, gotten her share, created her own life, she would be in a far better situation.
Even if Bert didn't die, even if he were in his thirties, even if he wanted to try again, it is wiser to start again, fresh.
In Mary's case, Bert would have died unmourned in some hospital. His share of the house would pay his bills. And if the money ended before his treatment was complete, so?
Mary would not have lost everything to take care of a person like Bert who could have put her on the street to please a woman who was only after his money.
When a man becomes so incensed, so anti-wife and pro-girlfriend, there is no real 'coming back'. There is no explanation, not apology, no forgiveness.
Unless you have absolutely no money, no job, and are virtually the slave of your husband, leave. Leave with as much as you can get.
Hire a lawyer; the 'estate' will pay for it. That, your portion of the property.
Suppose the house is worth $500,000.00 You get 1/2 of that. If your husband can't pay that to you, the house will be sold. Whatever it sells for is more than you stand to get if you stay with him.
If you look at the situation with Mary and Bert; yes, this girlfriend left him when she realised she would not get half the house. But what about the next girlfriend?
If Bert had lived, he'd find another woman and this time, might kill Mary. For his attitude towards her is so repulsive that murder can not be ruled out.
Mary was lucky; other women are not.
Other women are murdered. And the husband is often the first suspect. That is because the husband is often the culprit.
As soon as you are confronted with a man who wants to get rid of you for another woman, run. Run, and get a lawyer, and from that safe distance, sue him for everything he has got.
And live to enjoy it.