Getting Out; Leaving a relationship
Bert handed Mary the divorce
petition in the morning.
They had sex last night.
They had slept together, and
over coffee he handed her
She asked if it were a joke, and he explained that he'd wanted a last memory.
Further, he wanted her to move out as he was going to marry his girlfriend.
(This is a true story; just in case you were wondering)
Mary instantly contacted her lawyer and this became the first test of a new law
on Matrimonial Property.
Fortunately for Mary, unfortunately for Bert, the house would be divided 50/50 and Bert's girlfriend would never ever get to live in that big pretty mansion.
During the war between Bert and Mary she had moved out.
If she had sense, she would have stayed out.
Mary had to move out because
the anger and hatred Bert
showed her terrifed.
He was so into his girlfriend
it seemed he would have Mary
if he got the chance.
Although they had been
married 20 years and had a
grown child, it was as if Mary meant nothing to Bert.
The girlfriend waited until it was clear that the house would have to be divided 50/50.
She would never get the mansion.
Bert's money was going into the lawsuit.
Girlfriend looked in the mirror.
She was in her thirties, Bert was in his 60s. There was no sense getting involved with an old man if he wasn't extremely wealthy with no liabilities.
Mary, who had moved into a decent flat, watched the situation between Bert and his girlfriend play out to the inevitable end.
Before the divorce reached Court, the girlfriend had packed up and left.
Bert was now alone.
He probably realised that the girl was in it for the house and the money and not him. He probably noticed he was now alone.
And he'd soon have to move from the house he'd worked for because his wife was going to order a forced sale.
To save his house, to regain his previous stability, Bert attempted a rapprochement with his wife.
Mary had won!
She had chased the gold digger!
She had proven her superiority!
And with Bert apologising
begging her to give him another
she should have shaken her head.
She could return to the matrimonial
home, as a Queen at the head of a
victorious army.....but not take him back.
Her friends tried to stop her, but Mary waxed lyrical, talking about forgiveness
as if Bert was some teenage boy who fell for a trick instead of of a big old man
who was ruled by his gonads and decided to replace his 40 year old wife with
a new model.
Mary's lawyer cautioned her; for it seemed clear to the world that the only reason
Bert wanted her back is because he didn't want to lose the house.
But Mary, infused with a sense of being magnaimus, decided to give Bert another chance.
Good Deeds Never Go Unpunished
Whether Bert knew, when he called Mary and begged her return, or found out afterwards is not the crucial issue; what was, is that Bert was dying of cancer.
He was dying, and there was Mary, turning into his nurse.
There was Mary cleaning soiled sheets, bathing him, looking after him until the day he died.
For over four years after the attempted divorce Mary was enslaved to Bert. Her life, for the final plus four years, was Bert-centric. And then he died.
She was there when he died. Fortunately, he was in the hospital, not the matrimonial home.
The girlfriend, the one he loved so much that he was willing to throw Mary on the street to please wasn't there, didn't care.
If Mary, when learning how his Girlfriend had dumped him, shrugged, and went on with the Divorce, got 50% of the house and bought another, Bert would not have eaten four more years of her life, draining her of all strength, interfering in her career, so that by the time he died she was worse off than the day he handed her the petition.
Today, looking back she realises that she was used. Used, as a free 24 hour a day nurse. That a man who would have put her on the street and ensconced his gal into the house without a blink, was able to reduce her to a virtual slave.
Had she stayed out, used the money to buy her own home she would have had a chance to start over. Why she went back is a mistake many women make.
To disasterous consequences.
One of the things the divorce lawyer might be the only one to comprehend is that where a third party is brought into a relationship, the 'replaced' spouse should leave. Leave and take as much as possible.
If Mary had demanded the forced sale, gotten her share, created her own life, she would be in a far better situation. Even if Bert didn't die, even if her were in his thirties, even if he wanted to try again, it is wiser to start again, fresh.
In Mary's case, Bert would have died unmourned in some hospital and his share of the house and nothing else would pay his bills. Mary would be at a better place than she is today.
She would not have lost everything to take care of a person like Bert who could have put her on the street to please a woman who was only after his money.
When a man becomes so incensed, so anti-wife and pro-girlfriend, there is no real 'coming back'. There is no explanation, not apology, no forgiveness.