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Getting Over Yourself, Make it About Him Not You

Updated on October 13, 2011
Go out, have dinner with friends.
Go out, have dinner with friends. | Source

Breaking up with someone is one of the most traumatic situations one can get in. It is one of the most feared situations in people’s minds and there is no doubt about that. Now if it happens to someone, what should that particular person do? Should he or she end up messing up their life just for the reason that they were betrayed by worthless persons or should they move on with their lives? You have to keep one thing very clear in your mind, life is beautiful and it gives you a lot of opportunities. But you also have to undergo difficulties and challenges to make your life meaningful.

You don’t get everything you want

This is a fact of life and you have to learn to accept and cope with it. You will not get each and every thing you will ever desire. Sometimes, that particular person is not right for you and instead of crying over your life and wasting your precious time; you will have to move on. The important thing is getting over yourself; make it about him not you. You have to think that you were too good for him or her. If you start pouting and start wallowing in misery and self-pity then you will end up destroying your career, other relationships, and maybe even your life in general.

We should work on our self-consistency theory

Self-consistency is one of the most widely used terms in psychology. This term means that a person is always consistent to his self-picture or image. If your self-image is positive in your eyes then there is literally nothing that can stop you from achieving wondrous things. If you break up with a person whom you thought to be “the one” for you then you have to think that he or she did not deserve you. This is what improving self-consistency is.

Concept of “the one” is really a myth

Those of us who think that they will find “the one” only once in their lives are, perhaps, mistaken. There is no such thing as “the one.” Life will give you a lot of “the ones.” If someone has left you, you should not stop enjoying your life thinking you messed up and lost “the one” for you. If he was “the one,” he would never have left you in the first place. There will be other opportunities. Remember, life is never static. We go through various stages, we grow and develop as persons as we go through life and its variety of experiences and challenges that it throws at us. So don’t fret if “the one” is gone from your life, if you avoid feeling sorry for yourself and open your eyes and mind, I am sure you will come to learn that life is not all about finding and being with “the one.”

If You Are Dumped, it Doesn’t Mean There’s Something Wrong With You

Usually we see that after getting dumped by someone, people take really heavy hits to their ego and self-confidence. This will have a very negative influence on your personality and it will take a lot of time to recover from it. There is no need to feel bad about yourself and you should thank fate for saving you from a potentially bad relationship that could negatively affect your life.

Realize your potential and be grateful to all the positive things in your life - family, career, hobbies and friends. Do not wallow in self-pity and have a negative mindset where all you are able to consider would be the negative facets of your life. You have to stay positive and remind yourself that things aren't as bad as they seem and that they'll certainly get better. Right after a breakup you will find yourself at a low point, but with time you should be able to bounce back and get a lot better.

2011 Moira G Gallaga©


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    • moiragallaga profile imageAUTHOR

      Moira Garcia Gallaga 

      7 years ago from Lisbon, Portugal

      Very well said alanlsg, you've captured the main message of my hub in one sentence. Thanks for your comment.

      Thanks shakesbeer, the myth of "the one" could be likened to a search for perfection. A futile search in my opinion as perfection and human beings is a very, very rare combination. :)

    • shakesbeer profile image


      7 years ago from Las Cruces

      I like your point about the myth of the "one." Also liked the guy in the video, although the moderator seemed to be a bit of a dope.

    • alanlsg profile image

      Alan Bowman 

      7 years ago from The World

      Nice one Moiragallaga

      Staying positive and accepting that things do not always work out is the first stage and the next is to look forward and smile and know that good things always come around again


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