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Getting Over a Break Up That Drags On

Updated on February 20, 2012

Getting Over a Break Up

Getting over a break up is one of the hardest things we have to do in life sometimes. We've all been there and we've all made it out okay. However, sometimes the pain of a break up can drag on longer than necessary, if we're not doing the things to help us get over a break up right.

That's where this article comes in. In this article, I will teach you the three steps you can take to get over the worst of of the worst heart ache out there and get over a break up in the matter of a single day, if you do it right.

There are three certain things you can do that will cause you to question why you ever even needed your ex in the first place and come out of this like a champion.

I know you're in a lot of pain right now, but hang in there and we'll get you through this together.

Getting Over a Break Up - Get rid of any gifts from your ex!
Getting Over a Break Up - Get rid of any gifts from your ex!

Step 1 - Get Rid of Any Love Mementos

The first step in getting over a break up is to throw out anything that reminds you of your ex. This mostly includes things he or she bought you like teddy bears and other romantic gifts that make you think of them. 

Most of the stuff will probably be things they bought for you, but you may even have to throw out things you bought for yourself that somehow make you think about your ex. For example, maybe you two always used to listen to a certain CD while you were making out. If that's the case, then you at LEAST need to hide that CD a place you won't see it for a few years, if not completely get rid of it.

Not just listening to it, but even seeing the CD can cause you to suddenly bring back and remember the feelings of hurt you are currently having, sometime down the road.

For the things that are really too valuable to throw away, put them in a small box, duct tape it shut and put it in the attic or some place you will completely forget about it for a few years. Within 2 or 3 years, it won't hurt you to think about it any more.

Just use your own good judgment.  For example, if your girlfriend bought you Halo, and it doesn't make you think of her whenever you play it, you can keep it.  However, if it DOES make you think of her, store it away in that box for a few years -- or trade it in and buy a new game!

Step 2 - Reclaim Your Lost Identity

While in relationships, we often lose our own unique personal identity and become the identity of the relationship.  We forget the things we enjoy and all of our hobbies, because we sacrifice so much of our own time and personal enjoyment to spend time with our partners.  This is part of the reason a break up is so hard to get over.  There is usually a two or three week period after each break up, where we can't really remember who we used to be before the relationship and we have a hard time enjoying the things we used to enjoy.

However, you'll find the second you start doing those things again, you see the silver lining in the break up.  Sure, you lost someone who really meant a lot to you, but you regained someone who meant so much more to you -- yourself. 

So get back to doing whatever it was you used to fill your day with before you got yourself into the relationship.  Did you write a lot?  Did you take a lot of walks or go hiking a lot?  Watch a lot of movies or play a lot of video games?  Spend a lot of time with your friends?  Start doing all of that stuff again!  You'll find this is the quickest way to start healing and feeling better.

When you realize and remember that you are fully capable of making yourself happy, you start to realize that you don't need your ex so much after all.

Getting Over a Break Up - Start dating new people.
Getting Over a Break Up - Start dating new people.

Step 3 - Start Dating New People

One of the fastest ways to get over someone is to get under someone else, as they say. Yes, it seems a bit crude to say that, but it is extremely true. The moment you start getting affection from someone new, the less you feel like you need your ex.

The reason that so many people can not handle life very well after they lose their partner, is because their partner is such a huge source of their self validation, self esteem and self worth. When you're in a relationship, you feel needed, loved and important. This is one of our basic human needs for healthy development, by the way. Having this need of ours suddenly pulled away and revoked can be very, very painful. Losing this human need of ours actually triggers the same section of the brain that is responsible for physical pain, believe it or not, which explains why having your heart broken leads to intense physical pain that you can actually feel inside of your body.

To remedy this, you must find someone new who you love and care for and who can love and care for you, fulfilling the basic human need of love and affection.  You will be surprised how quickly you start feeling better when you find yourself a new partner.

However, I don't recommend you start dating someone new until you reclaim your old identity, as stated in Step 2. The reason for this is that it can cause a lot of problems if you carry over the baggage and drama of your last relationship into your next one. If you don't don't take the time to thoroughly heal and begin to love yourself again first, your next relationship is almost 100% guaranteed to fail.

Conclusion

By getting rid of anything that reminds you of your ex, getting back to doing the things that remind you of who you used to be before you met your ex and by starting to date new people, you will find that getting over a break up is as easy as a walk in the park.

You may be in a lot of pain and suffering right now, but trust me when I say it gets better.  Just do all of the above and you'll be shocked at how quickly your heart and mind are capable of healing and recovering. 

Good luck!

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    • profile image

      Camo Girl!!! 

      6 years ago

      I Was dating this boy who was two years younger then me i am 17 and he is 14 i always fall for younger boys but now i like this guy he is older then me and that boy who is 14 is Nick he lied to me alot so i dump him it took me almost a year to get over him i always give my boyfriends 3 times a all of them blow them!!!

    • SpiffyD profile image

      SpiffyD 

      7 years ago from The Caribbean

      I like the part about reclaiming the identity. Sometimes, the relationship was such that it may have changed who you are or how you perceive yourself. I could be wrong, but I think that's a sign of an unhealthy relationship or incompatibility. It's necessary to sacrifice and compromise, but when who you are is affected, that's when you need to reclaim it. If you can reclaim it within the relationship, then it's better off not to have it. Great hub.

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