Getting Over Your Relationship

Relationships are fickle constructs. You find a person you like, enjoy their company, humor, and personality, and enter into a relationship with them. You begin to know them, grow as a person alongside them, and plan a future together with them. Suddenly, for a variety of reasons, they begin to withdraw, slowly breaking your heart. They cease to desire your company, humor, and personality. Then, on one weekend, you talk, and they express their utter dissatisfaction with their life and their relationship with you. Then, with that, they end it. They might have called you, sat down with you, or even texted you, but with whatever method, they ended what could have been. You are left with a crucial decision: do you let this overtake you, or do you overcome this setback? Here are four tips and suggestions on how to make the best of such a situation.

I dated a girl for two years, once. The typical pattern of any relationship applied. We met one another, liked each other, then pursued a relationship with one another. Times were good. When it ended, I did not want to get out of bed in the morning. I felt hopeless. There was nothing or no one who could cure or quench my hurt. All the hope I found in my life was gone (which was part of the problem). So, as the self-diagnosed introvert I claim, I withdrew into myself. I preferred the company of my own thoughts and demons to those of others. When others reached out to me, I denied their attention - there was only one person who's attention I desired and they were gone, out of my life. People, friends, family and attempted to speak truth and comfort into my life, but I did not want to hear it. I drew back into myself, allowing the rest of the world to worry and wonder about me.

While one could do this, which is a less than recommended method, when someone breaks your heart, call someone, talk through these hopeless feelings with another human being. When I cut off those who cared about me, I shut off the first step of healing. When people lose a loved one, one of the first steps to deal with that tragedy is to discuss it. When you lose a relationship, you should follow that same advice. The first step to recovery is admittance. Talk through what you have experience. You will not only feel better, but you will also construct a great foundation from which to grow.

In a fantastic scene in "Up in the Air," George Clooney sits down with a man he has just fired to talk about the future of the latter. This company, a brick-and-mortar, corporate venture set out to downsize, improve margin, or whatever end and decided to let go of faithful employees. This man had given upwards of thirty years to this particular company and was grief stricken at the thought of starting over. Clooney's character asks the man solemnly sitting across the table, "What did this company pay you to give up on your dreams." The man gives the low amount of $32,000. Clooney counters that in his resume the man went to school to be a chef for a time. So, Clooney effectively told this guy to start this hobby, he persuaded him to do what he loved. So must we do.

When that relationship of two, four, or five years ends, instead of wallowing, turn that dissatisfaction in life and in people into what you love. When people engage in relationships, time is so constrained that one must give up something in order to make time for their significant other, and often what takes the boot is a hobby or two. Remember what you used to do. Maybe books brought you passion and zeal for life. Maybe you enjoyed cooking and always wanted to go to school to be a chef. Maybe music or art brings you satisfaction. Whatever your poison, pick it, enjoy it, let it consume you, and let it kill you. Do not give your past lover the satisfaction of stealing your hope in life. Dive into the things you love and at them be the best.

When that relationship ended, it wrecked me so that any sight of that person simultaneously made my heart aflutter and mournful. To get that rush and quench that desire to see that person, I took to social media. Facebook and Twitter became my confidant and informant. i would go on Facebook, look at old pictures, look at statuses that they praised me, and look for the times they told me they loved me. Twitter opened up a world into their thoughts, hoping to see a glimpse of a shout out to what used to be. It was like an addiction. Every time I looked, I felt as if the relationship never ended, yet afterward, I felt as if my heart tried to extract itself from my chest. The hurt was so immense and still so thrilling that I could not stop. I longed to feel that way forever, as if seeing their happiness fulfilled my soul more so than my own happiness.

So, stay off of social media! I cannot stress that enough. If you allow them, those sites will sap your soul dry until you have no room to care about anything. When all you see are things about them, maybe it is time to unfriend them, to block them, unfollow them, whatever need be in order to begin the healing process. I have heard it said that you heal faster when you are not in pain. When you are reminded of that pain and hurt every single day, that fills your mind more than anything else you could think about. Remind yourself that right now, loving yourself is more important than satisfying your longing of them. When you begin to eliminate these constant sources of negativity, your mind will begin to adjust and rebuild itself.

One of the things that cripples people the most in the wake of a break up remains the inability to think positively. Finding the best of any bad situation is a valuable skill in this era. Think back to the Great Depression, to your great grandparents and how they carried on with life. You hear these amazing stories of how they banded together, utilized each other's strengths, pulled from resources in the community, and survived. Tragically, you also hear stories of families that tore apart during this immense economic turmoil. Responding positively, in and of itself, to a bad set of circumstances can change the outcome of something. When these people survived the worst depression in American History, they found the light at the end of the tunnel. While this lasted a couple years shy of a decade, they kept up hope. They kept living. Times grew progressively harder every year that the crops failed to yield, or the husband did not get hired, or another child entered the world; things were hard, yet these families made it because of their mental agility to bounce back.

Through breakups, you must keep a positive outlook on the world. It would be so easy to turn away from everything good, simply because it is good. You can witness that from break up stories all across the world. Things like suicide, drugs, and porn become viable vices to address the issue, although none can satisfy. When I began to think positively after my breakup, I saw the value and opportunity in life, that I was here for a purpose, and that people needed me. So, in a sense, I pulled myself up by my bootstraps (with the constant help of key people), and persevered, seeking to attain all that life could offer. When you see the bright side, even when you do not want to, wonders happen for you.

Break ups do not have to break you. When these things come across your path intending to shatter you, refuse to buckle under the pressure. When you follow these simple steps, you can begin to heal, recover, and grow. So, someone you love tears your heart apart, how will you react?