- Gender and Relationships
Girl Why On God's Green Would You Date That Married Man?
Sanctification of Marriage
I did a hub a while back discussing the preservation of marriage. Although I felt I throughly expressed my point, I now want to focus on dating the "already married kind." When I was growing up, if guy wanted to ask me out and he knew I was married or even seeing someone, that was enough for him to turn the other direction and approach someone else. Though in today's culture, not so much. It's not so much if you're married as it is if you're happy. Or as some put it, just wanting a friend. Those two reasons alone are enough for guys to keep trying to conquer what they deem is never permanently conquered, married or not.
So what about us women? What is it about married men that make some throw ourselves at them? I have a few ideas.
1. Security is Sexy
I know it's crazy but I think the thought of a guy who's willing to commit turns women on. Sure the guys aren't always loyal their wives but in the mistress's eyes, if he had a true diamond on his arm to make him happy, the commitment would be as solid as a rock.
2. More Attractive During Competition
There's an old saying that goes something like when you're not in a relationship, no one wants you. And when you're in one, everyone does. It's just when you decide to settle down with someone, you become the object of everyone's affections or it may seem as though you are.
Sometimes women want to feel wanted, validated and important. We want to feel worthy and need favorable reactions for the attention we crave. Sometimes it doesn't matter the direction that attention comes from. What better way to feel wanted than when a man has pursuaded you that it's not whom he married that he adores, it's you?
4. Honey, We've Got An Arrangement
The phrase "friends with benefits" comes to mind when I think about the no strings attached relationship. The excuse we give for justifying sleeping with a married man is that it's a mutual bond born out of convenience. No obligations. No commitments. Just sex. Funny how the consequences of just sex, proves to be more costly than one thinks.
Another thing that excites women about dating married men is that they live in a fantasy of getting anything they want while remaining in control. Some thoughts that come from this mindset are: "I don't have to worry about bills; he pays 'em. I don't have to cook or clean for him. He ain't my man. And while his wife thinks, he's so loyal and works so hard for his family, I've got him wrapped around my finger." But despite how pleasurable things may seem for a while, like everything it does come to an end. Unfortunately, not the one we often desire.
5. It Feels So Good To Know That His Wife Don't Have Nothing On Me
Come on. Seriously. Some women are proud of breaking up families. It's like a notch on their belt. The meter on their self esteem goes through the roof when they feel as though they are the chosen ones. How sad. Most of these women haven't had fathers that were loyal to their mothers and showed them true love and affection. So a family doesn't mean much to them cause they never experienced it themselves. The grow up in a world of judgement that classifies them naturally ugly. Not skinny enough, light enough, skin isn't pretty enough, hair isn't long enough, not hot enough and so on. So the self hate begins and competition becomes extremely important.
6. He Don't Love Her And He's Getting A Divorce
Many times women engage in a relationship with a married man because they either see the danger and love it because it's exciting. Or they are really naive to the danger and doesn't see the harm in it. The fact of the matter is the man is the one doing the using and is really in control. People take love to mean so many things but if love was real love, why would you not want to share that with one person. The fact that there could be 6-10 more mistresses whom he claims he loves shows he doesn't take relationships seriously. You want to protect those you love, not expose them to a life of disrespect, disease, and heartache.
7. I Crave Emotional Abuse
Now I'm sure this is not the case but it sure can seem like it. Sometimes women want something to hold on to for a little while even if it's borrowed. But the fact that some men lie by not saying they are married in the first place or leading the woman to believe that he hates his wife, that she treats him like dirt, and that they are separating does everything to perpetuate emotional abuse and keep the attachment lingering.
8. The Sex Is Too Mind-Blowing To Let Go Of
So now there comes the issue of good sex. If a man knows how your body ticks then it's hard tell him he's fired from the work. Understandably, if that's all there is to the relationship, think about the consequences for a second.
- You can get emotionally too deep and he doesn't
- He can get emotionally too deep and you not so much
- In either of these cases come it's own consequences: stalking, abuse, murder, you name it.
- Unwanted Pregancies & Wanted Pregnancies which comes with it's own conseqences: child in unstable home, custody battles, breaking up a family only to begin a new family on rocky ground (basis of cheating), possiblity of being dumped high and dry to parent alone.
- Sexually Transmitted Diseases
- Emotionally Scarred for next relationship which comes with it's own consequences: not being ready or healed from the wounds of previous hurts to begin again, not being able to trust, being cheated on, being the cheater and many others.
If sex is worth your emotional healing, freedom, self worth, health, and future love life then by all means, continue. But when you do, you are essentially saying that whatever happens after is worth it.
Why Dating Married Men Is Low
I am aware that there are men who are married that still go hunting for panties and what's in them. But I'm referring to those women that thrive on walking buy an already bought dress and concocts a plan to steal it. No matter how enjoyable the ride may look, it's still a bad idea to get on. Besides what I've already mentioned here's why:
- If you plan on ever getting married, it may not be a healthy one. And the person who went along with the ride to potentially destroy a family can't expect to receive one and thrive.
- Contrary to other people's belief, it hurts everybody, not just those involved.
- If you become fascinated with something you can't have completely, chances are, you'll never get it.
- You'll burn your own future in the long run. There may be people you need to lean on in the future that may not want to help you if it speads that you're a homewrecker.
- There are things at work bigger than you. If this is a game to you, know that you won't win. There forces beyond you're control that dictates the outcome of the game. You don't. So if you choose to get caught up and attached, you have no one to blame for what comes after except yourself.
So Whats Your Point?
The point is that if you decide to screw around with someone's family by screwing a married man, you not only ruin your life but you ruin the lives of everyone involved, the wife, the kids, the kids kids and so on. Why would you want to contribute (share) in destroying the legacy of a bond some women spend their whole lives building. Maybe when your cuddling in the arms of someone's husband, that false security helps you feel a little better at night. But if the future of a family that could do great things in this world gets destroyed with your help (not by your hands alone), in my book, that's the equivalent of emotional homicide.