Girl, it's time to bail
Girls, "this" could be YOU
So, pretty girl, there you are
and don't you look ravishing in that dress that maxed-out your Visa card. Wow, what a nice figure you have. Your guy, what was his name, oh yeah, "Biff," that guy from Princeton you've been seeing for now on to six months sure is lucky to have you. And I am sure that he has told you too that "you" are fortunate to have a guy of his caliber.
What? Oh, you don't think so? I am suddenly taken-back by your response. I mean, we see you and "Biff," most all of the time in your favorite club dancing, laughing, sipping drinks, flirting and making-out sometimes to the amazement of your waiter, "Todd." Some couples would pay good money to have "that" kind of chemistry that you two have.
So why the new dress? Oh, you think that "sometimes," "Biff," doesn't pay you enough attention. Is that right? Tut, tut. That happens to all couples at one time or the other. Just take it from "Uncle Kenneth," I have been around long enough to know that relationships are seldom perfect and even the best relationships lose a spark or two along the way, so cheer up. Dry those tears and open your eyes to the harsh, cruel fact, girl, that . . .maybe . . .
"Girl, it's time to bail . . ."
You know what the term "bail" means, right? It means, if you don't know, get out. Now. While the getting is good. Before "Biff," or some other "jerk," literally sucks all of the life right out of you. Girl, time is not on your side although you sing that Rolling Stones song all of the time, face it. "Biff," has his mind on other things. Well, other girls. Ohhh, I went and said it. Well, someone had to. Otherwise you would have went on dreaming and believing that you had "the perfect" guy and the greatest relationship since Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston.
"But I do all of the things, 'Biff' wants me to do," you say. "I cook, I clean for him, pay most of his bills, make our "bedroom time" a virtual "paradise of hedonistic pleasure, so what can I do," you ask.
"Uncle Kenneth" to the emotional rescue, (now you've got me doing Rolling Stone song titles). You can sit back, take a deep breath and look at the points below and see if any or all of these "relationship-saving" tips apply to you, and if they do . . .remember, "Uncle Kenneth," who loves you and hates to see you used, says . . .
"Girl, it's time to bail."
"GIRL, IT'S TIME TO BAIL, IF . . ."
- While at dinner, and you are sharing your feelings, and say something like this: "dear, today, I had some feelings come up about my "ex," and well, it made me feel weird, so what do I do?" and "jerko," I mean, "Biff," who has stared directly into his plate loaded down with English peas, asparagus, and beef tips, replies, "oh, sorry, hun. You hit a deer? Wow, that's sad. Poor deer. I hate to have your feelings come up over your car hood and hey, maybe I can get your insurance guy to "EX"tract some extra cash from this accident."
- A male friend of "Biff's" who likes you, confides in you at the laundry mat that when "Biff," is with him and his college frat buddies, you have the glamorous nick name of, "Loose Linda," and "Biff," says this nick name a lot, prods his beer-guzzling, self-absorbed, loafer-wearing, cardigan-sweater loving friends in the ribs and guffaws loudly.
- "Biff" sometimes shows-up an hour late to pick you up for your standing Friday night date. And he has the vague scent of Chanel No. 5 on his shirt collar.
- "Biff," always has a sickening smile on his lips, even before "bedroom time." Girl, a guy who smiles "ALL" of the time is either up to something or hiding something from you.
- Then when you have had enough of this sickening smile, you say, "Biff, hun-eee, is there something you want to talk to me about?" "Biff," sneers at you and smiles even more and eventually replies (without looking at you), "Ohhh, Loose, err, I mean, Linda, nothing for you to be worried about. Now how about whipping "ME" up a plateful of scrambled eggs mixed with expensive white wine?"
- "Biff" makes you buy the eggs and wine every time he has the hankering for these food items.
- "Biff" seems to be captivated by winking at known-hookers who are "working" the area near the restaurant he takes you to on Sunday nights.
- "Biff" sits and picks his teeth after he "wolfs-down" his meal at the restaurant and then starts-up a sports-related conversation with a stranger three tables away from you.
- "Oh, Loose, errr, I mean, sweet Linda, did you say something?" "Biff" asks after ingoring you for over an hour.
- "My secretary has a dress just like that one you are wearing and man, oh man, does she look hot in it," SHOULD I EVEN EXPLAIN THIS ONE TO YOU?
- "Biff," always slides the check for restaurants, movies, and other high-end purchases in your direction when out on the town doing some Christmas shopping.
- "Biff," always tells YOU what to buy him for his birthday, Christmas and when you are just spending money on a whim.
- In your special, intimate "bedroom time," "Biff" plays games on his tablet while "you" do the things to him that turn him on.
Girl, or girls who are in the sad predicament of dating a man who is selfish, rude, self-important, and snobbish . . .these are 13 things YOU need to look at and ask yourself honestly, are the "Biff's" of this world worth my time and energy?
Join "Uncle Kenneth," in one, harmonious yell . . ."NOOOOO!"
Until next time, and next "love problem," this is your friend and confidant, "Uncle Kenneth," wishing you, "happy relationships and dates with guys with good ears and hearts."
Oh, and you DO look good in that dress.