Good Guys, Outlaws, Which is it Girls?

If it were possible, asking Dale (Rogers) Evans why she married Roy Rogers, the "King of The Cowboys," would solve my dilemma and I could relax with a cup of coffee instead of writing this piece.

Just why did Evans marry Roy Rogers? Maybe the dominating factor was that he was a good guy through and through. Not one dirty spot on his shirt or soul. That, my friends, is something of monumental achievement if you ask me.

Now there might have been more reasons why Dale married Roy, his money, holdings, fame, humbleness, his respect for her, and how he showed her his life instead of just "lipping it," but we shall never know the real reason.

Skip ahead many years later. Now we see a shift in women going for the good guys because they now crave the company of a bad man. This I get from the late Country Music singer, Waylon Jennings, who released an album entitled: "Ladies Love Outlaws." Quite a difference in the romantic times between Roy and Dale, huh?

Oh, the list is long of celebrity "outlaws." Collin Farrell; Sam Elliott (in his lawless roles); Dennis Hopper; Charlie Sheen; Bruce Willis; Hank Williams, Jr.; Clint Eastwood (in his "Dirty Harry" franchise) and who can forget Anthony Hopkins a/k/a "Dr. Hannibal Lecter?" Women loved these guys. I know it. You know it. In my time in the newspaper industry, the women on staff would share their hot fantasies about "rough guys" when we would be "putting the paper to bed," and seldom did I hear one mention of (a) Christopher "Superman" Reeve; Clint "Cheyenne Body" Walker or even a James "Rockford Files" Garner.

The "tale of the tongue" is far better than guess work. I cannot give the percentage, but women do love the anti-hero, the less-than-spotless type of man. The cigarette smoking, whiskey guzzling, profanity using, law-breaking man who talks to women as if they were dirt. Not the clean-living, tradition-respecting, kitten cuddling, and helping an old woman across the street type of guy and I do not know why.

I can give an educated guess though. Danger. To the swooning woman, the outlaw guys present a certain element of danger, that careless, throwing caution to the wind attitude that could lure her from her established lifestyle and foundation to a life of care-free traveling and pretty much doing what he and she wants. Now wouldn't that attract anyone?

Maybe that's it. Danger.

So now we arrive at that point in this hub where a good hearted, hard-working, dedicated and loyal guy, you, are reading this piece and have made that crucial decision to give yourself a life change from being a good guy to and outlaw-type of guy who women would crawl across Texas to kiss. Naturally you ask . . .

Good Guys, Outlaws, Which is it Girls?

Things That All Experienced, Older Outlaws Do:

• Curse at every opportunity provided. This is a sign that they are lawless and disrespectful. Girls supposedly love that.

• Drink hard liquor whenever they feel like it. I didn't say that they were alcoholics. They just "take a shot" when the urge hits them and unless an old outlaw friend walks up to talk about their younger outlaw days, he moves on about his outlaw business.

• Smoke. Now I am not condoning or promoting tobacco useage. Today's outlaw just takes one or two draws off his cigar and talks more than he inhales.

• Boast about everything they own to everywhere they've been and most of what they say are lies.

• If a stranger should drop his wallet near the older, experienced outlaw, the outlaw says nothing to anyone and keeps the cash he finds in the wallet, but he lays the wallet (with all of the credit cards and other things) discreetly back on the bar.

• They do not show any common courtesy to strangers wanting a place at the bar or a barstool to sit on.

Things That Younger, Inexperienced Outlaws Do:

• Get into fist-fights everyday in school.

• Tell filthy jokes especially when females are within earshot.

• Glare at everyone (but other outlaws-in-training) when they strut down the hallway at school.

• Put their feet on their desks just because their neurotic teacher is afraid of them.

• Cut school when they feel the urge.

• Secure a criminal record before they are in the tenth-grade.

• Start sipping beer with other non-caring outlaw friends. Soon they will be drinking hard liquor like older, experienced outlaws.

• Argue and eventually tell their teachers where they can do.

• Get expelled from school on a regular basis.

• The school's Special Behavioral Class will not accept them because they are so cruel.

Shoplift for the fun of it.

• Date girls and promise them everything for a night of fun, then not call them. At all.

Things You Can Do if Your Outlaw Image Should Need Help

Note: you should keep in mind the ONLY reason you have went from a good, decent guy to an outlaw who only cares for himself is just to get the girls, so you should only focus on the girls and not spend too much time with the guys.

• Lean against the bar or wall when girls are around. This posture signals "I am laid back, cool, and do not get in a rush."

• Squint when looking at the pretty girls. Never look at them with your eyes wide-open for this makes you look like a careful, caring citizen.

• Point at them instead of waving. Pointing means "I am all you dreamed about. And more."

• Never "chug" a glass of beer just to get a girl's attention. Things like this does not impress girls, but slowly sipping the beer while leaning against the bar and squinting at them like the late Charles Bronson will do the trick every time.

• If the girl you are ogling should walk to where you are leaning against the bar to order her a drink, grunt a lot. Girls love the primal sounds that men make. It inflates their ego. Then pay for the girl's drink and grunt some more. She should now lean with you against the bar provided she is in jeans and not a skimpy skirt.

• Before you stroll into the bar, give your buddy, "Ox," $50.00 to act like he is attacking you at the bar so you can put him on the floor with one fake punch. Girls like real men who defend themselves and her if she is with them, and the fact that you did not keep beating on the poor "Ox." It's fine to be a little sensitive.

The Ultimate Outlaw Image Patch:

• While you are into your outlaw persona inside a bar, pick out a couple who are on the verge of divorce, but tonight they are "talking things out," to make this marriage work. At just the right time, walk up, drag a chair between the man and woman and start talking to the woman. If the husband gets angry, you simply glare at him and say, "And you want to say something? Go ahead. Show your wife that barbaric side of you that got you here patching things up. If you would be a little like "me" your marriage would be fine."

Both, the wife and husband get the message and do not get a divorce.

And you said outlaws serve no purpose in society.