Grooms’ Dads: More Super Than Superman

begins at 7:30 a.m., sunrise, it is just a gorgeous piece of creation that God chose to grace. The sun’s beams slightly kiss the hair and shoulders of an excited bride-to-be as well as her nervous groom. Both sets of parents are as excited as the wedding couple can be on this day of days, all except one. The groom’s dad. Yes, the lonely looking man standing near the door that leads to the lovely garden area which is not his, but the bride’s dad’s handiwork because he loved to work outside. The groom’s dad did not. He was always living inside near his wife and the life that they had made.

In a lot of ways, the groom’s dad could be considered awkward and out-of-place because he has never been called “cool,” “hip,” or “in the crowd,” because even in his young, wild years, he was sadly none of these adjectives. He was his own man with his own mind. It was not until his son turned 23, until he knew just how intelligent his dad really was. The groom, upon realizing this milestone-of-a-truth, struggled with two emotions: sadness and happiness. Sad for it taking the groom so long to discover his dad’s high I.Q. and happy because he was still getting to see his son take a wife. But to the groom ’s dads all over the world, in every style of wedding, there many times, stands the groom’s dad. Sometimes the groom’s mom stands with him. Sometimes not. I suppose that life designed weddings to be this way.

It’s fine. Groom’s dads are made with a substance much stronger than steel. They have to be in order to withstand the anguish, pain, betrayal and even separation that the dad has either seen or been a part of that still haunts him, but does he stand on a lonely hill talking to those who listen about “his” troubles when he grew up and is now grown? No. His attention now, at this day, is on his son completely. Not that the dad ever neglected or forsook his son. The dad worked his heart out making ends meet and paying for a roof over the family’s heads. It is no wonder now (to the groom) that his dad is more, a lot more than his dad was and is. More than the fantasy hero, Superman. But a lot like him in his abilities to grasp the obvious when it is needed. Even when his son or daughter was about to be lured into some near-death agreement or a deal that would make the two penniless . . .his ability to grasp beyond the real world and his gentle hand touched the shoulder of his son or daughter and no words were said. No need. The dad’s look and image was teacher enough to instruct his children, now young adults, that “these” situations cannot lead to anything good. Finally, his children agreed.

when facing that most-exciting, life-changing event: marriage, yet it is such a happy, gleeful day to be so doggone sad. We all know why. And the answer may sound simple on the surface, but under the top lies a complex system of roots, ideas, and things understood that go with sons, daughters, moms, and especially dads who until now have just given advice to their children; made money for them to succeed; kept their mom’s happy in everywhere they could and administer a short sense of discipline when needed. This explains the paradigm of the parental base and life for the children as they evolve to adulthood.

Do the dads and moms ever veer from their set pathway of parental wisdom? Sure. Not all of the time to be totally honest. This is when the groom’s Superman-like strength takes charge and even when their children err from (their) truth and values, they are received back into the center of the mom and dad’s Center of Life. Boy! Talk about having it all.

that you are appreciated. By both your son and your daughter-in-law, or maybe you call your son’s wife, your new daughter. It really doesn’t matter. It works. Many times, I know that you must feel taken for granted as the years fly by—the fading time that your son is roaming for girls and a good job. Guess what? Most sons score great girls. Why? Because you cannot marry a ‘71 Chevy Malibu with four-on-the-floor with Cragar rims and a bored-out 454 cubic inch mill. It just cannot be done.

I am not overlooking all of the years prior to the night (or day) when you son was married. And if the truth is any measurement of wisdom, I can safely say that you did not exhale a sight of relief that your son is finally married. You probably thought of how your son and his bride was going to grow together and work to make a good life for themselves.

But never forget that no matter at how much your newly-married son grows to become the image of you, he can never walk in your footprints. And you cannot walk in his. Just step back and take in this entire happy event that without you, sir, you would have been missed terribly. I know what I am talking about.

of this narrative about groom’s dads being more super than Superman. This is true. I should know. I was privy to being with my dad when I got married to my lovely wife in June 28, 1975, and the more that I watched my dad, the more that certain things began to show that had been covered to my sight. Of course I can explain that. When you are young and very ignorant, (guys) amble and ramble around life and most times never see the real value of the person’s gifts who are close to you. No one ever said that life was fired-up to run fairly.

My dad did not explode in the little things that did not go right. He just sat away from the turmoil and smiled. That was it. Smiled. At what? I have to imagine that 21 years as I was moving-onward to become a husband (and probably a father too in time) and really how sad that he must have felt. I was reminded of his feelings when I had to walk my only daughter down the aisle in a few years to become a young man’s wife and I kept holding on to the fact that she is my daughter, not a wife. But I did tuck the daughter fact back into my memories and started to appreciate the growth in her as a wife.

Then, my dad would walk out of the church and yes, he would smoke a cigarette or two along with a few other guys who were there as guests of the groom and I watched his expression. It was not one of worry, but solid belief that I stood to have a good chance in becoming just like he was and that was that.

Hello in Heaven, dad. This one was for you.

January 4, 2020______________________________________________________