Guys, to Understand Girls, Watch her Eyes and Lips
When I was dating, I could always tell by the way a girl’s eyes were moving or how she held her mouth if the date was going to be wonderful, or plainly-speaking, going south. It was that simple.
Guys fit into one of two categories: The Less Than Scholarly and The Fully Aware. More times that I care to count, I would be in the first category, then bounce over to the second one. I was, in many ways, a “Bouncing Cupid,” not really letting my roots set firmly in the category that I fell into. It wasn’t all my fault. Men are not made as intelligent, and all together like girls. I know from experience—and still carry those embedded scars from Taught Experiences that my dad warned me about, so here we are.
Getting along with girls is not stuff that Einstein studied. He was more of an Intellectual Romantic than us Common Guys. And for that, I give him a loud round of applause. And really . . . the Male/Female Relationship is not built on guess work, Flash Cards or “Love for Dummies,” those Clef Notes that were Yellow and Black books in plain sight near every cash register in every Walmart in the mid-south. I may sound aggressive here, but I didn’t see a need for Clef notes for Guys Who Date, when dealing with a pretty girl whom I wanted to take out on a date. Frankly, this advice is not that hard.
But there is that one word, “wonderful,” and as I said in the first paragraph, although I would do everything that I could to make the new girl whom I had met and she agreed to go out with me--the very moment when I walked to her front door and she opened the door . .. .I knew right then if I would go home lonely, sad and depressed or go home happy. It was that simple.
Of course, and I am giving you single guys a slight edge on me when I dated, for I was dating from 1970 through 1974—two redheads, one blond, and one brunette, but those whom I dated, we had a great time and without me laboring to build her a False Front by telling her a bag of lies to impress her. I looked at the dating thing like if she liked me, great. If not, I wanted to know why. And some were honest with me in telling me if they liked me or not. Some didn’t. I won’t lie. When this painful moment hit me, it took a few days to settle in, but her telling the truth, made all of the difference.
Yes, I went through those contrivances (politeness, respect, and putting my date first) to get a date with a very girl who worked in a hospital, she was gorgeous. She was a nurse, and I liked her instantly. She even gave me her phone number. I called her a few times and then I asked her out. I took her to eat at a nice place, clean, very affordable and the atmosphere was fine. Then at the end of our date, I asked her out again and then it was like being kicked in the stomach by the late Bruce Lee—when she looked straight at me and said, you are a fine man and very handsome, but I think that “friends” is all we can be.
Friends!? Was someone standing behind me? I’ve wondered about that for years. Friends! That was the same as this pretty girl and me being first cousins or her uncle who lives in St. Louis. Friends. What a way to insult a single guy. I felt like my head had been inserted into a guillotine and you know how that could have ended. I was sick for a week. And to make me feel even more foolish, she said, you can call me from time to time and we can have friendly talks—the girl was literally rubbing my nose in it. I never called her or visited her workplace anymore—even during my sickest days. Friends!
Guys, correct me if I err here, but for the most part, you guys have went away from the word, “date,” to Hanging Out—which is just a simple matter of you picking up the girl you met and you go to her favorite mall, restaurant, or scenic lake area to...”hang out” for a few hours. Am I right or wrong? I shouldn’t put you on a spot with my question, but wouldn’t you much rather go to the young lady’s house, ring her doorbell and then take her by the hand—open the car door for her and be on your way to a great night? Hanging out!? Really? I am old-fashioned about this thinking, but I do not feel that I have the need to apologize. Dating is dating, and hanging out is hanging out.
Then there were a few who loved to lead me on by telling as many lies as they could and to this day, I still do not know why. Before each date, when I would get ready, the last thing that I did was checking myself (inside and out) in a mirror and when I saw myself in what I really was, I felt comfortable. But if on one or two occasions, the girl that I had asked out was of an Elite Financial Place in life . ... .like the majority of guys, I would lie when I thought it would help—but during that time, I would feel so uneasy that the girl was going to find out the truth and that is a tough thing to endure.
There was this one girl, a very nice girl, whom I liked and we hit it off when we met in a small grocery store. She loved my jokes, although they were old jokes that my friends had heard over and over, but she sincerely loved to hear them. She and I would see each other on weekends when she and a girlfriend or two would go riding. We would meet in town and talk. But the day came when I felt opportunity knock and I asked her out—but not in a slick, arrogant manner. I was honest with her about my life and background. She always replied, your income or clothes are not a problem. I would love to go with you. That was her first lie.
I dressed as well as I could and then I was driving a new 1974 Plymouth Duster, two-door, black on white and I loved that car. I was early when I went to her house to pick her up. I knocked on the door and waited a good fifteen minutes before I began to be attacked by Paranoia Monster, who loved to trip me up, stab me in the back and mess with my mind. Ever had one of those dates?
I left after a half-hour, still no girl. No pets. No one, period. The next week, I seen her and she was quick to say, she had to go to Birmingham (Al.), but didn’t tell me what for, and I didn’t feel that I should ask why? She could have called me. I would have appreciated that a lot. But . . .in a couple of weeks, I seen her again in town and again, she wanted me to pick her up and go get a bite to eat. Now, she was, going the long way to ask me out . . .I was so happy. All was forgiven. Maybe she didn’t have a phone. Maybe her parents were members of a Religious Cult who thought of appliances as Devils from Hell, whatever. I learned to look over such menial annoyances.
Next date, I was on her porch and whistling a tune from Elton John, “Philadephia Freedom,” I think, but I felt great. I had washed my car and vacuumed it like I did every weekend and by now, I had knocked and still, no girl. No parents. No talking Myna bird. No one, period. I lost it, to be truthful. Twice?! I could not form the words to say, what a liar you are! But I didn’t. I did see her in a few days and she looked me right in the eye and said virtually the same thing—she and her mom had to go to Birmingham, and did not say why, but this time, I was about to ask why, when it hit me. The chick was a habitual liar and a good one too. I thought it best to cut my losses and bounce.
Many years later . . .I seen her again at some type of reunion or something and she was as big as a diesel truck, but that didn’t matter to me. She was sitting with a few older ladies and chatting about something and up walked this girl who favored her so much and handed her a styrofoam plate loaded with delicious fried chicken, potato salad, cole slaw and German Chocolate cake. I watched from a distance and she devoured this food as if she was going on a six-month fast. Part of me was compassionate and part of me wanted to say, you and food are made for each other.
But I didn’t. It was best for me to move on. But doggone it! Watching her eat like a pig really made me hungry the more and more that I replayed that Chow Scene in my head as I walked away.
Now, I will share this information with you, Young Single guys who are about to get into dating and read THIS paragraph and you will find that I am telling you the truth.
Let’s say that I have met a really pretty girl while grocery shopping in my local Walmart, and made her acquaintance—which if I read the situation as being okay, I would ask her for her phone number and she knew why. I do not think that this day and time that girls today are asked for their numbers so eligible guys can give them a Phone Survey.
I call this pretty girl in a day or so, not right away, because a young, single guy does not want a girl to think that he is desperate, although he really is. We talk for a few minutes and I ask her out for the next Saturday night for dinner at a local Olive Garden and she says fine. We agree on a time and there you go. We might talk once, maybe twice, and during the week, I do not over-think my going out with the pretty girl whom I met when I was shopping. Over-thinking, guys, take my word for it, is dangerous and can cause you so much emotional misery, it’s laughable.
And girls do not expect you to be Prince Charming out of the gate, no, girls want to get to know you if she feels that she is comfortable with you and have things in common, so just be easy with your over-thinking—learn to be laid back. Relax. You and this hot girl might have the time of your life.
Listen. I mean this, guys. I do not want to unintentionally mislead you by telling you that dating is a piece of cake and all that you have to do is smile, not get so drunk that you cannot talk to the girl. No. But I do mean for you to listen. This is called Investing Into Your Date and listening to every syllable and hint of words that your pretty date may say is crucial. But do not make this date so serious that when she asks you about your job, do not give her a half-hour Power Point presentation about your company, where it was built and what you do there . ... .just give the girl a moderate answer and if she asks you something that you do not know, tell her the truth. This will mean more to her than giving her a Diamond Bracelet. Girls thrive on the truth. It’s that simple.
This is “the” most-important moment you will ever live when you meet the hot, pretty girl who is equally excited about going out with you. When you ring the doorbell, and she answers the door, count from one through eight. Any longer might lead you to believe that she is taking her time on purpose to see if you are a patient guy.
(When you read this paragraph, take a quick look at the girl at the top of this piece and then at the girl in the bottom—see how the girl at the top is biting her bottom lip, this means she is stressed about something that may not be anything pertaining to you, so chill and go with the flow. Her eyes are fixed at you and that is a good sign, but look at the girl at the bottom—she is looking from you and biting her lip, you might want to tread easy right now and be compassionate. Something, I think, is going on behind the scenes.
Before your date answers the door, focus. Do not think of anything or anyone else. Relax. The next moment is “the” all important moment that will instantly tell you if you and this girl will have a good time or not. And you can take this to the bank: what I am about to tell you is faster than Facebook. This information leaves the Internet in the dust.
You say hi, to this pretty girl while smiling. She is also smiling. So far, so good. If you see her eyes looking right at you . ... .great. You are doing great. But . . .if you see this hot girl shifting her eyes to the left and right or maybe upward and then downward, do not be a dunce and ask, did you see your optometrist today? This is NOT what you need to do.
Be patient. Relax. If this pretty girl is shifting from one foot to the other, it might be that she is very nervous and is not really a People Person and she just told you that she would go out with you before she had time to think it through. This is NOT your fault, guys. Do not take this Behavior Gesture personal. This is what I want you and all the guys to learn. Your date will tell you in her own way if she doesn’t want to go out.
And when she does tell that she is sorry and does not really want to go out, do not panic. Just relax. Try to listen at her Body Language—if she is wringing her hands, there is a problem on her mind. She is not practicing Judo to take you down, Jock! Dating today is not like it was in my day. No, sir. It would serve you to read this commentary a few times before you ask the girl you have just met in your apartment building’s Laundry Area that you want to ask her to see a movie or just go for a ride.
When this pretty girl answers the door and her eyes are like two pretty lasers zeroing into your eyes, and her mouth is open with a smile that would melt a Greyhound bus, you are well on your way to having a great time. As your mentor I might want you to understand that judging by this girl’s pretty eyes and mouth both looking at you does not mean that you instantly your Ego’s Pull-string letting it fill with air. Be slow. It will be fine.
There is another “but” to go along with this advice. Do NOT overload your new friend with one date which really means: do not make this ONE date all about YOU. She will bail for sure if you do this. And it will look as if you are the most pathetic, desperate single guy in the Northern Hemisphere. Be cool as a new air conditioner. Be moderate in talk about you, and more about her. Do NOT give her a different compliment each time that you exhale. Girls really do NOT want you to fill them with complimentary things to the point that if she were to sneeze, you would think that there is something wrong with her.
And that stupid Three-Day Rule about dating when the guy has to wait three days before he calls the girl that went to the ballet with him--do away with this, guys. Call the girl in a day’s time. You don’t have to talk for a long time, unless she wants to talk to you, but if you do NOT call her . . .this means Trouble. Big trouble. A relationship is like a rose. It needs to be nurtured frequently, or it will die.
Be You. And let her be her. It’s that simple.
© 2018 Kenneth Avery