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Verbal Abuse: HOW Do We Recognize It and Deal With It?

Updated on October 6, 2014

A Note from Billybuc Before We Begin

I am not the author of this Hub. I am sharing it for someone who is no longer with us here at HubPages. Her message is a good one and she asked me if I would share it for her. Since I admire this woman greatly I was more than happy to do so. I have made no changes to her original work; to do so would be rather silly of me since her message is a strong one and needs no assistance from me.

I send my love to her in Sweden and I hope you enjoy her work for H.O.W. (Humanity One World).

INTRODUCTION

Just because your partner is not hitting you it does not mean you are not in an abusive relationship. If your partner is constantly shouting at you, criticizing you, degrade you, calling you names, humiliating you in private or in public, smashing things. . . well, then you are in an abusive relationship that's called verbal or emotional abuse. This is one kind of abuse where the bruises can't be seen.

The pain of verbal abuse
The pain of verbal abuse | Source

An important message

Verbal abuse can in reality be more damaging on a persons health than physical abuse

Verbal abuse is the most common form of abuse. Unfortunately it's not regarded as serious as other types just because there is no 'visible' signs of abuse and the abuser may act charmingly around others. However, verbal abuse can in reality be more damaging on a persons health than physical abuse.

Verbal abuse - When the bruises can't be seen

Being in a relationship there verbal and emotional abuse take place can lead to horrific consequences for the victim. Verbal abuse may not show sign of physical damage, but it does cause deep emotional wounds and scarring that will cause terrible – perhaps lifelong physical and mental health problems that can lead to illness, clinical depression, post-traumatic stress disorder, and the victim may start to use alcohol or drugs to cope.

You may not realize you are a victim of verbal abuse!

This kind of abuse in a relationship is a hidden form of domestic violence. Many times the victim is so drained that they may not even realize or recognize that they are a victim. This form of abuse is crippling. Over the time the victim's confidence, self-esteem and independence diminish until non-existing.The victim is always being told they are no good and soon they start believing what their partner tells them.They begin to think they are worthless,stupid, ugly and fat.

This is one kind of brainwashing - making the victim in the end, lose their self-respect and independence.The victim will take the blame for their partners abusive behavior and they will even feel sorry for him/her. They will make up excuses for their spouse and telling everyone that their partner really cares for them. The victim may feel like they really deserve to be punished in this way, since they are a worthless and stupid human being. In the end the victim has lost all their independence, and is just grateful that their spouse is there to take care of them. The abuser may isolate the victim through intimidation and the victim is reluctant to thrust others because of the fear of angering their partner. The victims feel like they are walking on eggshells because they never know when the partner goes verbally berserk for every little thing. This makes the victim feel stressed out, nervous and anxious all the time. It has become a very unhealthy environment, making the victim sick mentally and physically without knowing it.

10 Signs of Abusive Relationship

What is emotional and verbal abusive behaviors?

· Accusing

· Blaming your actions for their abusive or unhealthy behavior

· Controlling

· Degrading

· Disapproving

· Discounting

· Dismissive

· Distorting

· Humiliating

· Intentionally embarrassing you in public

· Isolating

· Preventing you from seeing your friends and family

· Putting you down

· Screaming

· Stalking

· Starting rumors about you

· Telling you what to do and wear

· Threatening to commit suicide to keep you from breaking up with them

· Threatening to harm you

· Threatening to harm your loved ones, pets or possessions

· Threatening to have your children taken away

· Threatening to expose your secrets such as your sexual orientation or immigration status

· Yelling

Here are some examples of verbal abuse:

· Yelling, Screaming and swearing: Going ballistic in private or in public. Screaming and yelling, letting everyone know in a nasty and cruel voice that you act stupid, and it's all your fault.

· Being called names by your partner: Any negative form of name calling is just wrong and not acceptable.

· Using words to shame: Using critical, mocking, sarcastic and degrading names are improper and distasteful.

· Blaming the victim: The abuser go off the deep end and then blames the victim for their behavior. They usually state that if it was not for the victims behavior, they would not lose control,( go wacko, go psycho, fly of the handle, lose one's composure, go bonkers, go loony, go loco. . . well, if you catch my drift.)

· Your feelings are dismissed: The abuser avoid discussions where they might have to take responsibility for their actions and words. They usually turn the discussion around making it again your fault for their actions.

· Using threats to intimidate: Threats in any form should not been taken lightly. The abuser may make the threats in a sarcastic or jokingly tone, but if it makes you at unease and uncomfortable, you know it's wrong.

· Manipulating your actions: Verbal abusers try their best to use constructive criticism to beat a spouse down.They play on your emotions, all in an attempt to make you comply with their desires, regardless of what's best for you as an individual.

Do you know anyone who suffers from verbal abuse?

See results

It's not only women that are victims in a verbal abusive relationship. Men can be victims too!

· Welcome to VerbalAbuseofMen.com home page
Helping verbally abused men find the help and support they need to survive verbal abuse from wives and spouses.

How can you tell if someone is in an abusive relationship?

The signs of emotional abuse can sometimes be hard to spot unless you see or hear one person in a relationship being openly verbally abusive to the other. Many times you do not detect the signs of abuse since it happens behind closed doors.

These are some signs of a person living with a verbal and emotionally abuser:

· The victim is often frightened or fearful of angering or displeasing the abuser.

· The abuser has by their abusive intimidation often isolated the victim to thrust and confide in others.

· The victim can't take any independent decisions. They will always judge how the abuser will react to their decisions – will it be approved, disapproved or will the outcome be rage? As a result, their freedom are controlled.

· The victim lose interest in activities.They lose enthusiasm for life.

· The victim may start to withdraw from friends and family.

· You may observe the victim's loss of self-confidence.

· You may sense that the victim feel stressed and nervous all the time.

· You may hear the victim talk about his or her sleeping and/or eating-disorder.

· You may get the impression that the victim is depressed.

· The victim may share their suicidal thoughts with you.

· You see the victim is using excessive alcohol and/or drugs to cope.

Nobody should endure this treatment
Nobody should endure this treatment | Source

How to help someone in a verbal/emotionally abusive relationship:

· Help the victim to identify their strengths and feel better about themselves.

· Gather information about emotional abuse and the resources available.

· Help the victim by contacting support groups.

· Do not blame the victim or make excuses for their partner.

· Support the victim to be safe.

· Assure the victim that you believe him/her and that you take emotional abuse seriously.

· Ask the victim how you can help.

· Help the victim to recognize their strengths and feel better about themselves.

· Respect the victims decisions and support them if they stay. An abused woman or man may not want to leave their partner, even if you think that is what is best for the victim.

· Assure the victim that their personal health and well-being is so much more important than being in a relationship.

Why does one person abuse his partner?

· Most experts believe it is rooted in unresolved childhood trauma.

· It may be hard to believe, but the abusers are in as much pain as their victims, only they don't realize it,.

· It takes a great deal of work and professional guidance for an abuser to overcome his/her destructive patterns of behavior. However, the abuser must realize in the first place, the important fact, that they actually are abusers and have a problem, before they can be helped.

Humanity One World
Humanity One World | Source

The Best Approach to Verbal Abuse:

If you recognize the symptoms that has been mentioned here and believe your partner is verbally and/or emotionally abusing you, you need to take some steps of action and focus on getting help.

· Verbal abuse is unacceptable. Never feel it's your fault for the abusers unhealthy reactions.

· If the verbal abuse escalates to physical abuse, leave!!

· Do not engage in conflict with the abuser. The abuser wants a reaction from you. If you respond to the abuser, you are rewarding them. It will be a boomerang effect. Just stay calm or best of all, walk away.

· When the abuser is calm, let the abuser know how hurtful their words are. Let them know that their cruel and nasty actions are unacceptable to you. Set boundaries on what you will and will not accept from your abuser. However, keep in mind, the abuser will not likely listen, and try to once again blame you for their conducts. Stay calm and strong.

· If the abuser still continues his abuse, even after you have set boundaries, it's time to seek counseling, either together or separately.

· Victims are usually embarrassed and will take the blame for their spouses abusive behavior. It may be difficult to talk about your situation to family or friends. Instead look up support groups on the internet or in the community where you live. You need to hear that there are others in the same situation as yours.

· By the help of your supporters from a support group or from a good friend or family member, focus to take back your power.

· If setting boundaries, refusing to respond to the abuse, and getting therapy does not work, then the abuser will probably not change his or her actions. It's time to walk away, even if that means a divorce.The best thing and the healthiest thing to do is to break all ties with the abuser. Your personal health and well-being is so much more important than a relationship.

· Please, take action against verbal and emotional abuse as soon as possible. Do not allow the abuser to have control over how you feel. Constantly being criticized and told you are not good enough, will soon cause you to lower your self-esteem and lose your confidence. As a result you will start to blame yourself for your spouse's abusive behavior. Remember, verbal and emotional abuse is never your fault! Usually, the abuser may just be trying to manipulate or control you into staying in the relationship. No one deserves to be abused, so start today - Take action against your abuser! Value Yourself! Please, remember you're not alone!

National Domestic Violence Hotline

· Support Group For Women: Emotionally Abused | First Wives World

· National domestic violence hotline - WORLD Law Direct

· Support For Women, Woman Divorce Support Group - WomanSavers
Support For Women, Woman Divorce Support Group - WomanSavers.com, lends support for women and has a forum for women coping with adultery



Assure the victim that their personal health and well-being is so much more important than being in a relationship.

Humanity One World....making a difference one person at a time!

2013 William D. Holland (aka billybuc)



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    • billybuc profile image
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      Bill Holland 3 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Box77, I am so sorry for your situation. If this is an unhealthy situation then you need to leave. If you have family then go to them....or friends....I do not believe you will find happiness in that situation.

    • profile image

      box77 3 years ago

      As a victim of this type of abuse. My husband has treated me this way all of our life together. He is now telling people that I have made things up and I am unstable mentally and this is why our marriage has broken down. He has belittled myself and our children for years. He drinks heavily when he is home. He threatened to divorce me. He has changed his will but tells our children and myself we are not separated and we are still married. He puts me down and blames me for everything. He demands to know where me and the kids are all the time but does not return the information. He has made me feel I am worth nothing. I have always tried to have maintain a healthy relationship with our children. He choses when And where to spend time with our children. He has yell that he hates me and I am a lier to me in front of our children. He has also instructed me that he is the victim in ourmarriage. I want to save our marriage but am I saying this because Iam the vicTIM or beaches I love humand can not see my self with out him. I am scared. I fear for my safety but do not know what to do.

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Express, I am a big believer in karma, and it sounds like you mother might be now as well. Thanks for sharing your personal experience and yes, abuse is an epidemic in this country.

    • Express10 profile image

      H C Palting 4 years ago from East Coast

      This is so true, people verbally abuse people all the time and get away with it. It happened to me at work by a colleague who yelled and cussed. His behavior was horrible and made me feel angry and insulted but with the old last to be hired first to be hired idea in my head, I kept working on additional streams of income and later quit. As for personal relationships, my mother was this way.

      Actually she never told me that she loved us, she had three girls, never told any of us this or gave us hugs or kisses but she sure rained down insults, lies, beatings, and general fury even for absolutely no reason. I haven't spoken to the witch in years, (I call it like I see it). She's all alone and has had 4 open heart surgeries over the years and is pretty much bound to the house and bottles of pills. Perhaps there really is karma for abusive types?

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Randi, I agree, Sannel is a very good writer, and this deserves to be posted. Thank you!

    • btrbell profile image

      Randi Benlulu 4 years ago from Mesa, AZ

      A very worthy hub. Far more worthy than a good portion of the drivel (mine included) that you see on hubpages. Sannel is an excellent writer with a great message. Thank you for sharing it!

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Hello Astra! You know, I just figured out who you were. I didn't realize you wrote under this name, or if I did know I had forgotten. Thank you for your kind words. Sannel was banned because here poems were too sensual......I was happy to post this for her; she is a very good writer who needs to be read by many.

    • Astra Nomik profile image

      Cathy Nerujen 4 years ago from Edge of Reality and Known Space

      Why has she been banned? This is an amazing hub, written by an exceptional woman - I love her writing, and she is a very special lady. I guess some folks don't understand her amazing personality and see how she uses words to broaden our understanding of the world and ourselves.

      This is an outstanding hub about verbal abuse. I have recommended it to some of my friends. Some of them are probably experiencing abuse similar to what is mentioned here. Once again, an accomplished hub written by a great person and posted by another great person and good friend. Well done Billy.

      I very much approve of the great efforts by everyone here to bring this to a wide audience, despite barriers to that effort.

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Stina, thank you for the visit and the kind words. Sannel wrote a beautiful hub here, and I was happy to post it for her. I think it is very important and hopefully will help some people.

    • Stina Caxe profile image

      Cristina 4 years ago from Virginia

      I just wanted to thank you for posting this. For many reasons. But most of all because sometimes when somebody is suffering this type of abuse, they just don't know what to do or how to deal with it, and then they feel like maybe they deserve it or maybe this is the way it is supposed to be. Hopefully some victims will see this and let it inspire them. It has definitely inspired me.

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      PS, this is ugliness personified, and awareness needs to be raised about it. Nobody should have to suffer from abuse of any sort, and yet millions do. I saw this in my extended family and it sickened me. I was very happy to share this for Sannel so that the word could be spread.

      Thank you my dear; the angels are hovering around me as I write this, providing comfort and strength. :)

      hugs from Olympia

      bill

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Dream On, thank you again! I think most of us have seen verbal abuse at one time or another. It is ugly, and awareness needs to be raised....it needs to be talked about.....thank you for your comment and for helping to raise that awareness.

    • pstraubie48 profile image

      Patricia Scott 4 years ago from sunny Florida

      This is so important, Bill. Thank you for taking the time to share your friend's work.

      I am so blessed as I have never been subjected to any kind of abuse. Just writing those words make me pause. I am so blessed.

      I have unfortunately been friends with those who have and who would not cut lose. They are in that relationship and sometimes feel it is their fault and it is not!!! And I know I don't need to tell you this.

      My daughter is named after a friend who was seriously abused. I was so afraid she was going to be killed by the guy...her abuse was verbal as well as physical. She would come back from being out with him black and blue He was the son of a very prominent person in the government in Illinois and I guess he thought he could do whatever

      She finally came to a point where she said enough was enough when she was once again in the ER and almost lost her life. She moved away and cut all ties with him...I hope. We lost touch...this was many many years ago.

      You have a knack, Bill, for posting things that need to be in public awareness. This is a pervasive problem ---hopefully those who need to read it will and will resolve to make some changes.

      Sending Angels all the way to your home today to you and your family...:) ps

    • DREAM ON profile image

      DREAM ON 4 years ago

      Thank you for sharing this powerful hub for Sannel and I am so glad Sannels work is shared with so many.It is sad and horrifying to know so many people still deal with this aweful situation.I personally have seen in my family and watched it destroy love and pull evrything we believe in apart.In time we can all work on making life better one day at a time.

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Dianna, it is truly ugly and demeaning. Your friend did well to leave that relationship. Nobody should be exposed to abuse of any form.

      Thank you for your friendship and loyalty.

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Deb, I think we have all known someone like this at one time or another. It's ugliness personified.

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Thanks Carol! Sannel tells it like it is and she did a great job with this hub.

    • teaches12345 profile image

      Dianna Mendez 4 years ago

      A friend of mine divorced a couple of years ago from a verbally abusive spouse. I saw it in action, it is very demeaning. As you said, the person must first acknowlege they have this problem, my friend's spouse would not accept the counseling about his behavior -- sadly, the marriage ended.

    • aviannovice profile image

      Deb Hirt 4 years ago from Stillwater, OK

      I knew someone like this once...

    • carol7777 profile image

      carol stanley 4 years ago from Arizona

      I have seen some pretty abusive men and women also. It is so degrading and embarrassing for everyone. Even mild abusive statements makes you feel so badly. You did a great job in covering t his really rarely talked about subject. Thanks for writing it.

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Glimmer, it is an ugly reality in today's world and I agree with you....this powerful hub by Sannel just makes me realize how lucky I am.

      Thank you dear lady!

    • Glimmer Twin Fan profile image

      Glimmer Twin Fan 4 years ago

      Wow - What a powerful and important message that hopefully many people will read. Makes me realize how fortunate I am and makes me wish more people were fortunate too.

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Doc, I was happy to share this work of Sannel's. Thank you!

    • profile image

      lovedoctor926 4 years ago

      This conveys a very powerful message. Thanks for raising awareness on abusive relationships.

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Thank you Paula! I know I speak for Sannel when I say your kind words mean a great deal.

    • fpherj48 profile image

      Paula 4 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York

      Sannel...I thank you for this stunning and very important message...to all who suffer abuse...and Bill, I thank you,for sharing this with your readers.

      My many years of involvement with 'Crisis Center" interventions, created for me, a painful awareness of this tragic domestic issue. You have covered the signs, symptoms and devastating effects, completely, with brilliance and compassion. Nothing more be said, except that I hope your message goes round the world......and encourages all broken hearts and souls, to walk away from their enslavement....UP+++

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Thank you Rajan my dear friend. I am sickened by the ban on Sannel, a beautiful human being who does not deserve her treatment. I was very happy to get this hub out so that everyone could read it.

    • rajan jolly profile image

      Rajan Singh Jolly 4 years ago from From Mumbai, presently in Jalandhar,INDIA.

      Such a fine hub and it's a pity Sannel was banned. I did enjoy reading her hubs. I'm glad you shared this hub which has universal and timeless appeal. Thank you.

      Voted up/useful.

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      I agree, Nancy! It is not a simple issue at all. I hope it becomes a simpler issue as more awareness is raised.

    • Lipnancy profile image

      Nancy Yager 4 years ago from Hamburg, New York

      I wish that there were simple answers for this complex issue but there are not. Even some people who did not grow up in abusive households find themselves in this situation.

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Thank you Michele! I appreciate you taking the time to write that much and I agree, it is sad that Sannel was banned. She is a good and loving human being.

      bill

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Ruby, it was my honor to share for Sannel. She is a dear lady and did not deserve what happened to her.

      Abuse is an epidemic in this country and around the world. Hopefully this will do some good.

      bill

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Eddy, it is a shame that Sannel is no longer with us. I am quite upset about her being gone, but at least I could share this important message for her.

      love,

      billy

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Sannel, it was my pleasure, and I'm honored that you chose me to share this important message. You are already missed; I hope you stay in touch via Facebook.

      Your message was a very important one, one that applies to millions out there today. I hope we do some good.

      love always,

      bill

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Martin....I'm still laughing about the egotist remark. Yes, I do believe you are correct....slights of a smaller nature would seem larger when respect is earned. It's all a matter of degrees.

      Thank you!

    • Michele Travis profile image

      Michele Travis 4 years ago from U.S.A. Ohio

      bill, I am sorry but I am going have to keep this very short.

      I am sorry Sannel was banned.

      Your hubs are very true.

      Verbal is bad, but is not alone.

      Voted up.

    • always exploring profile image

      Ruby Jean Fuller 4 years ago from Southern Illinois

      I am sorry to hear that Sannel was banned from HP. We followed each other and i enjoyed her articles. Any kind of abuse is inexcusable. I had a sister who was married to an abuser, when she divorced him, he was so despondent he could hardly function. I have a difficult time believing that is love. She remarried and had a wonderful life. Thank you for sharing Sannel's article.

    • Eiddwen profile image

      Eiddwen 4 years ago from Wales

      Thank you for sharing this hub and I am so glad that you did.

      I am so sorry to learn that the author had been banned .

      I vote up,across and share through Twitter ; FB and google.

      Have a wonderful day.

      Eddy.

    • profile image

      Sannel 4 years ago

      Thank you my dear friend for republishing this hub. This hub was quite emotional to write, but I hope by doing that, I may help someone recognize the signs of a toxic relationship that is negatively impacting their emotional, mental, or physical health. Furthermore, I hope and pray they will find the strength to break free so that their mind and body may restore balance, and let the healing begin.

      I'm so grateful and thanks to you Bill, this hub and message is still out there for victims and hopefully abusers to read.

      Reading the kind comments here brought much joy to my heart.

      I'm truly sad not being a part of HP any longer, and I miss all my dear friends and followers here on HP very much.

      Thank you again dearest Bill!

      God Bless, my love and hugs,

      your Swedish friend,

      Sannel

    • Mhatter99 profile image

      Martin Kloess 4 years ago from San Francisco

      Thank you for this. I'm too much of an egotist to hear any verbal abuse. But here is an interesting fact: As a person gets more respected, lighter actions may be taken as real abuses.

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      May, Sannel deserves all the credit on this one. I was just the transportation for her message. Thank you so much for reading her words; hopefully someone who needs to hear them will.

      bill

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Faith my dear friend, I have missed you. I hope you are well; I get nervous when someone isn't around for awhile, especially someone as dear as you are. Thank you so much; I'm glad you enjoyed my friend's message.

      blessings and love from Olympia

      bill

    • tillsontitan profile image

      Mary Craig 4 years ago from New York

      Shining is unfortunately right...we here at hub pages reading this is like preaching to the choir...however, there is a chance there is that ONE!

      This hub is well written and I am sorry to hear it's author has been banned. Thank you my friend for opening your heart and sharing with us as part of your wonderful H.O.W. movement.

    • Faith Reaper profile image

      Faith Reaper 4 years ago from southern USA

      Bless you Dearest Bill,

      Thank you so much for sharing your friend's message through your profound and timely hub here. It is an amazing hub of pure truth no doubt. I have someone very close to me (actually more than one person) who is going through this terrible ordeal (to put it mildly) at this very point in time.

      I have missed reading you, and now I am back to catch up!

      You're the best.

      Voted way up and beyond ++++ and sharing

      Hugs and love to you and your friend, Faith Reaper

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Eric, an excellent analysis. Thank you for that! The old adage "we are only as sick as our secrets" would seem to apply here.

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      I agree, Debbie, she wrote a wonderful hub! I'm glad so many have read her work. Thank you!

    • Ericdierker profile image

      Eric Dierker 4 years ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

      Fantastic issue to tackle on Hubpages, especially for someone who is no longer here. I mean that in a literary sense. Verbally/emotionally abused eople leave us, they must retreat from reality or they cannot stand the pain.

      The issue is an epitome of the problems with mental illness. Who is more ill in these situations? And the pain in having the burden all by oneself. Openness and honesty are key. "dark shadows provide an environment in which disease flourishes". From mold to depression that maxim is true.

    • Deborah Brooks profile image

      Deborah Brooks Langford 4 years ago from Brownsville,TX

      Bill this is excellent just the way it is.. thank you for sharing this masterpiece.. I was in this situation years ago.. it is awful yous tart feeling like you are the one at wrong.. the belittling and what happens you are being brain washed.. you just want to die.

      great hub

      debbie

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Debbie, the lady in question was unfairly banned from HP last week. I wanted to make sure her work was seen.

      This is an ugly subject and it is one that is kept in the closet so often; I hope this helps someone.

      Thank you so much for buying my book; I'm glad you are enjoying it.

      bill

    • debbiepinkston profile image

      Debbie Pinkston 4 years ago from Pereira, Colombia and NW Arkansas

      Bill thank you so much for sharing this Hub from your friend. I wonder why she is no longer with us on Hubpages?

      I could identify with much of what she shared, and thankfully I'm not in that place anymore.

      Sexual abuse is another form of abuse that is often undetected because the bruises and pain are not visible and it is such a personal area that most women don't talk about it. My book on the topic has been selling well which is an indication that this is truly a problem that many do not wish to talk about but is needed.

      By the way, I am reading your book and am thoroughly enjoying it!

      Best wishes Bill!

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      MIchelle, it is very destructive, and oftentimes nobody else even knows it is happening behind closed doors. Thank you for stopping by and supporting my friend and her work.

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Thanks Jo! It is a very important subject, and I was happy to be able to share this for my Swedish friend. :)

    • tobusiness profile image

      Jo Alexis-Hagues 4 years ago from Bedfordshire, U.K

      Hi Billy, what a wonderful thing you are doing! I'm not familiar with the back ground behind the publishing of this hub, except for what you wrote in your introduction, but this hub is powerful and should be read. It's good to see that the author also mentioned, that men can be victims too. Many men suffer in silence without the support system there are for women. Suffers of abuse who reads this, will know that they are not alone and they do not have to live this way. Both of you, great work.

    • midget38 profile image

      Michelle Liew 4 years ago from Singapore

      This is actually the most destructive form of abuse....anything that plays with the mind is and can leave victims completely demoralized. Thanks for sharing this.

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Beckie, I often feel that way when I post a hub....I'm preaching to the choir and it won't do any good! I keep hoping that the right people will one day read it....sort of like my alcoholism blogs that actually reach some still suffering alcoholic. That's all I can hope for!

      Thank you dear lady; anything I can do for my Swedish friend I will.

      love,

      billy

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      Shining Irish Eyes 4 years ago from Upstate, New York

      I commend you for posting this Hub. Unfortunately, my first thought goes back to the same situation whenever I read an excellent and important hub such as this one - THE PEOPLE WHO SHOULD BE READING IT WON'T. Abuse of any kind I abhor. I have witnessed this in all forms of life including some individuals on-line. (Although, if the truth be known, I'll bet they DO read it, they recognize themselves).

      Although I agree with your hub, I would like to add one my reason to the list of why someone would verbally abuse: because of their ignorance.

      I am sharing this hub as I believe your friend from Sweden and you have come together for an important message.

      Thank you Billy.

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      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Maria, I wasn't sobbing but I was incensed.....I simply don't understand and that makes me angrier...I see no logic for this type of HP behavior.

      So we will share her work and keep her alive that way; nothing good has ever been accomplished with hate in my heart.

      Thank you dear lady!

      love,

      bill

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      Maria Jordan 4 years ago from Jeffersonville PA

      Bill,

      I am sobbing at the outrageous banning of this beautiful soul and the very issue of what she has written.

      I commented before, finding this issue to be a silent killer...women and men can be thoroughly demoralized, losing any semblance of self worth and esteem by the words and treatment of people that allegedly love them constantly barrage them with.

      Thank you for keeping the awareness of this issue alive.

      Voted UP and UABI. Love, Maria

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Thanks Janine! This lady should have never been banned, but since she was, the least I can do is let her work live on.

    • Janine Huldie profile image

      Janine Huldie 4 years ago from New York, New York

      Very powerful message and thank you for sharing this for our fellow hubber. Have of course voted up and shared to get the message out there further.