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Handling your long distance relationship

Updated on October 13, 2009

Your own personal satellite will help...

This guy wrote a book on it...

But my hub is better... and you should never trust a guy who makes 'finger steeples' in pictures...
But my hub is better... and you should never trust a guy who makes 'finger steeples' in pictures...

Are you currently sitting at home alone, missing a loved one far away, feeling desperately aroused with no-one to share it with but your favorite toy, or perhaps your collection of hand picked 10 second adult clips?

You're clearly in a long distance relationship. The long distance relationship is perhaps, the hardest form of relationship, as you miss out on things like hugs, kisses, any form of sexual intimacy whatsoever, the list goes on. That can get depressing at times, but one assumes you chose to be in this place for a reason, one assumes you must love your long distance parter, otherwise why on earth would you have tortured yourself this long hmm?

It's time to look on the bright side of your long distance relationship:

Distance makes the heart grow fonder

Many people spend a great amount of the time they are with their partner secretly (or not so secretly) loathing them. This doesn't mean that they don't love them of course, no, it just means that being stuck in confined spaces and situations with one person for a great length of time will make you want to kill them at some point. It is almost impossible to avoid. Being in a long distance relationship means that you couldn't even comprehend feeling this way about your partner.

No annoying habits

A big part of the reason that people feel violently towards their partners comes down to annoying habits, things like toilet seat positioning, snoring at night, leaving toenail clippings about the place, never remembering to take the trash out, blowing their nose on the shower curtain, the list goes on. Being at a distance of several to thousands of miles away from your partner means that you will have to deal with none of these, and on the rare occasions that you do get together, you will find these endearing and cute, even the shower curtain one.

Frustrated love is TRES romantic

A long distance relationship gives you the chance to really pine over your lover. There is nothing quite so romantic as staring out the window, worlds apart, but still looking at the one moon together, or sharing intimate moments via awkwardly phrased text messages, or perhaps even having naughty little sexual liaisons on line. If Shakespeare were alive today, he would write an entire play dedicated to the long distance relationship, I bet you.

A new appreciation for telemarketers

A long distance relationship puts you in the enviable position of actually being interested when telemarketers call you about switching your long distance plan. Not only does it give you someone to actually talk to for once, you may make some real savings! Bonus! Thanks long distance relationship!

These are just a few positives to your long distance relationship, see if you can think of more, then embroider them onto a linen cloth to send to your love, you have the time, it's not like you'll be getting any tonight after all...


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      Anon 6 years ago

      this was so written by someone whos NOT in or hasnt been in a long distance relationship. Shut up and comment when you know what its actually like!