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Has He Become Too Close to His Female Coworker

Updated on December 5, 2018
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Devika enjoys sharing her work with a friendly community. Writing is a big part of her life. Online work has improved her lifestyle.

Marriage commitment

Has he developed a special relationship with his female coworker?

Any solutions to this problem?

Sue is married for twenty years, and are together for twenty two years. Her husband is much older than her. He recently got a job and has a female coworker the same age as Sue.

The issue here, Sue hasn't met the female coworker. Every time Sue suggested she would like to visit the workplace, John avoids it.

It's like John doesn't want his wife to meet his female coworker.

The whole time they have been working together they grew closer and closer, and Sue sees this in John's behavior.

He has become happier and looks forward to going to work every day. He is not stressed out at work as he once was. Apart from paying the bills and living a comfortable life. John has developed a friendship with this his female coworker.

They work very well together with constant joking around and with some flirtatious behavior from John. During telephone conversations they laugh, and joke a lot as if to say they know each other forever.

It is a sign that John has grown close to his female coworker. Sue would like to visit the workplace but still hasn't a clue of how to surprise them. Being married for so many years she has never once felt insecure, or in this way about her husband. This is something different!

Sue has never made false accusations about John from before in their marriage. In this case, something is wrong and Sue doesn't know how to find the proof she needs to ease her mind or that could destroy their marriage.

Would you go with your gut feeling?

Sue has never felt in this way about her husband in other jobs he had. This time it feels like something is going on between him and coworker. John has become very close to his female worker.

While on a trip with his wife John contacted the coworker. When they arrived from their trip, the coworker was the first person he contacted.

When he has on free days, he still contacts the female coworker and says its work related. He never can stay away from work related issues even when on holiday.

Has he developed more than a friendship toward the female coworker?

Does he flirt with coworker to feel good about himself?

John often makes excuses to contact coworker. Sue hasn't confronted John about her insecurities. She needs proof and doesn't know how to go about it. Sue has never had no reason to think this way. After recent acknowledgments she has become suspicious of John.

Everybody has friends of the opposite sex, but the important part about it you have boundaries. Sue feels neglected in her marriage because of that. A man should not be alone with a woman, especially if she is not his wife.

He spends more time at work than at home working with the female coworker and has to help her out a lot. John has no time for Sue.

Gossip runs like wild fire, and when others see they can tell what's happening between John and female coworker. The female coworker can misunderstand John's friendliness or flirtatious behaviors.

He needs to make his wife a priority.

John needs to be careful of how he spends time with his female coworker. He needs to assess who is dearest to him. The point is, John needs to know that his wife is that dearest and best to him not the female coworker.

If he makes the coworker the dearest and best then he is going down the wrong path. An affair happens in time not in an instant. Imagine if it was Sue working with a male coworker and behaving in the John is!

It is normal to get close to coworkers when you spend many hours working together. In Sue's case, John spends more hours at work than with her. Sue has become the lonely one and John fails to acknowledge his mistakes.

Some coworkers are happy or unhappy in their marriages. In this case, the female coworker's husband isn't a stable man for her. A female coworker should not be treated as your wife should be treated.

After hours of work your coworker remains in that position and nothing more than that. The reality is your coworker is to remain that to you as a coworker and nothing more than a coworker.

She is not living with you just giving you happiness at work. Sue knows John better than the female coworker in every way. Just as when she noticed the changes in John. Her gut feeling is not going away and it means something is not right.

John can't look Sue in the eye about his constant telephone calls to his female coworker. He fails to consider his wife's feelings and that is rude, inappropriate, selfish and mean.

John can be kind without flirting, be friendly. Sue tried to talk about the flirty behavior to John he just ignores her conversations.

Why should Sue feel this way?

Sue trusts John completely and never had to feel insecure. Lately, her gut feeling is telling her otherwise. She has never had to feel this way before in her marriage, as John never gave her a reason to be this way. Since the little signs have popped up, Sue has a wake up call and needs that proof.

Has John crossed the line with his coworker?

Sue and John met in the same way. Your spouse has a right to know what's going on with the female coworker, and with whom you have friendships.

Something is bugging Sue and it means something to her. If John doesn't stop certain habits he developed with the female coworker then he is going a different way. John ignores Sue's feelings and thinks she is being jealous like her mother.

An emotional relationship can be formed between two people working together. John defends his female coworker when asked about her. In the beginning of working with this female coworker, John mentioned a few negatives about the female coworker.

Lately, John changed his tone about the female coworker. He doesn’t speak anything negative about the coworker, instead he defends her. John doesn’t engage in negative conversations about his female worker.

He doesn’t bad mouth the coworker to Sue as he did when had started the job. The work related phone calls daily affects Sue’s thoughts about their marriage. The sad part about this marriage John doesn’t see the problem.

Sue has given most of her years to the one and only, and he just goes on flirting and making other people a priority in his life. Off-course Sue is always for him there but taken for granted is painful to her.

Sue and John have no time for themselves. Often John works and when he is home he is less talkative and tired. When Sue and John are out for the day for a little while, John is not happy until he phones the workplace. It has become part of John's life but in a selfish way.

Why the constant telephone calls after working hours?

During working hours it fine but after work is something else to think about in such situations. Whether, work related or not, after working hours there shouldn't be anymore of work issues. At some point you got to draw the line.

Female coworker relationships

Female coworker attractions

Female coworker attraction

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© 2017 Devika Primić


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    • DDE profile imageAUTHOR

      Devika Primić 

      12 months ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      Patricia Scot, thank you for comments. Always appreciated.

    • pstraubie48 profile image

      Patricia Scott 

      12 months ago from sunny Florida

      This can become a problem for sure. It is something that should be addressed in a calm non-confrontational way. It is much too complex an issue to detail here but definitely one that needs to be addressed.

      Angels are on the way to you this evening ps

    • pstraubie48 profile image

      Patricia Scott 

      12 months ago from sunny Florida

      This can become a problem for sure. It is something that should be addressed in a calm non-confrontational way. It is much too complex an issue to detail here but definitely one that needs to be addressed.

      Angels are on the way to you this evening ps

    • DDE profile imageAUTHOR

      Devika Primić 

      12 months ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      Dora you made a good point. Thank you.

    • DDE profile imageAUTHOR

      Devika Primić 

      12 months ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      Hi Chitrangada Sharan, thank you for sharing your feedback. Time spent at work with coworker can cause many issues. I appreciate your comment.

    • MsDora profile image

      Dora Weithers 

      12 months ago from The Caribbean

      There is a problem which will not fix itself. Some serious counseling is appropriate.

    • ChitrangadaSharan profile image

      Chitrangada Sharan 

      12 months ago from New Delhi, India

      Interesting and quite relatable! This can happen, and this does happen. When men and women work together, they obviously spend too much time together, much more than the time they spend with their spouses. It can be opposite attractions and this can be from either side.

      Mutual understanding can go a long way, to solve the matter, if it gets worst.

      Thanks for sharing this thought provoking article!

    • DDE profile imageAUTHOR

      Devika Primić 

      12 months ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      Eric Dierker, thank you for sharing your experience. Without proof one is unable to much at the moment. I appreciate your feedback.

    • DDE profile imageAUTHOR

      Devika Primić 

      12 months ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      FlourishAnyway, I appreciate your kind helpful comment.

    • DDE profile imageAUTHOR

      Devika Primić 

      12 months ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      John Hanse, thank you for sharing your feedback. I am sure once Sue has proof she will get down to it.

    • DDE profile imageAUTHOR

      Devika Primić 

      12 months ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      Thank you Ardot for a helpful comment as well. I understand how you feel about this situation. You made excellent points. How can Sue find proof any ideas?

    • DDE profile imageAUTHOR

      Devika Primić 

      12 months ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      Madan, thank you for comments. Avoiding the issue can be possible I appreciate you stopping by.

    • DDE profile imageAUTHOR

      Devika Primić 

      12 months ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      Bill Holland thank you for stopping by. It definitely is a concern. I appreciate your comments.

    • Ericdierker profile image

      Eric Dierker 

      12 months ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

      We have role reversal in our home. My wife is a workaholic. And she is a contractor superintendent. She was running a job for me as a customer in Vietnam.

      After settling down and married in San Diego. It was tough going for me for a bit. All of the workers around her are big tough subcontractors exclusively male. And she works on her phone 24/7.

      We got through my insecurities by maintaining a daily worry line for me. Eventually love lets trust in.

    • FlourishAnyway profile image


      12 months ago from USA

      The warning bells are ringing. It’s odd she hasn’t addressed the issue already.

    • Jodah profile image

      John Hansen 

      12 months ago from Queensland Australia

      Devika, unfortunately, this is not an isolated incident and happens a lot when co-workers start spending a lot of time together. Close relationships can form without intention. Sue needs to confront John before it goes any further and the marriage is beyond repair. Well written.

    • Ardot profile image


      12 months ago from Canada

      I think it exposes insecurity in Sue. Insecurity is not attractive. It shows weakness, pettyness. The worker lady is the more attractive female to the male in this situation...

      We are talking about humans(mammals) in an institution made up by modern society.

      We must not forget our hormones, the nature of our sex, and the roots of attraction.

      Sue must shed her insecurity and become a fierce tiger lady, confident and sexy, yet viscious and deadly. That is what the male will persue. He wants the stronger mate.

      Sue must be that stronger, confident person.

      She must make her husband believe that she can go on without him, and that it would be hard at first, but maybe necesary.

      He will view her as the woman he wants to be with.

      Or not.... And that must also be ok. Life goes on.

    • emge profile image


      12 months ago from Abu Dhabi

      Devils, getting close to your co worker like your secretary is inevitable. I know and have seen it so often. It's not desirable but as I said earlier it can't be avoided.

    • billybuc profile image

      Bill Holland 

      12 months ago from Olympia, WA

      There are indeed warning flags waving in the breeze with this scenario. I would be concerned.


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