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Having A Baby Won't Keep A Man

Updated on July 24, 2013

Love Is...

Love is an event that so many pursue but one that often escapes the pursuer. Today, you hear of so many long-term relationships seven, eight, even ten years without solid commitments. The sum of the relationship has left a huge pile of broken dreams and promises to which produced a child(ren).

Some shorter relationships that end without a final solid commitment will produce several children where the father has moved on and will oftentimes father more children. It could be understood a little better if this was simply happening to teenagers. You could excuse it by labeling it ignorance due their age. However, women in their 20s, 30s, and above are bringing into uncommitted relationships children who will be left to grow up in a single-parent home.

Due to this on-going issues, we now have generations of fatherless sons and daughters. We have children who have never seen or heard from their biological fathers. Even worse, you have some children who mothers legitimately don't know who their fathers are.

These are the damages that are incurred when women are in pursuit of maintaining a relationship with the object of her desire. Hoping that the entanglement of pregnancy will keep him when her love cannot!

Theresa's Story

I was in the beauty parlor, getting my hair done, when Theresa entered the salon. Her arms were loaded with academic books, her car keys, a jacket and a four year old in tow. She arrive after finishing her afternoon classes to come work at the beauty shop.

From experience, most of us know that a place of business, especially a hair salon, is not a place for a four year old to spend his/her next 4 hours.

She came over to do my hair and she began to converse with the owner of the shop. She explained that the father couldn't tend to little Joey because he had to "study." She was hoping that he could finish up his studying and come and take little Joey off her hands. As the evening went along, Joey got in the way and repeatedly had to be conjoled to keep still, quiet, and out of the way.

Theresa and Joey's dad had been together for about 10 years. I wanted to know how could the dad feel comfortable enough to not feel obligated to retrieve the child and give his long-term partner the needed time to earn the extra money in peace. You see, he didn't want a child before finishing school and even though the child was his felt that this was a "plan" hatched to entrap him.

Theresa, on the other hand, felt that little Joey would bring to the relationship a bond that would scream "family." She had accepted the fact that she would do most of the "work" of child rearing but felt sure that her partner loved her and would one day realize how much of a great mother and wife that she was and one day proposed to her!

Needless to say, after finishing school her partner never committed to her and moved on to another relationship.

Right Now

These type of relationships are breeding grounds for Mr. Right Now. He is not ready to commit to anyone but enjoys having a relationship that yields and speak family and stability. He enjoys coming home to a wife and home but he does not want the commitment that comes with it.

The woman usually tries to show him daily, that she would be a great wife, mother, and companion. She is looking long-term, she wants marriage and a family and considers the live-in situation a down-payment to a successful relationship.

Somewhere down the line, she realizes that threatening, ultimatums, and pressuring him has yielded no ring and then entrapment becomes a viable option. This seems like a logical step since he portrays the attributes of a family man. She doesn't realize that he does "eventually" or just not with her!

Should Have Theresa Known Better?

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Romona's Story

Romona started her relationship with Jim with two small children. She had not been married to their father but she was looking for a relationship with a man that wanted to be both a father and a husband.

While grocery shopping, Romona met Jim. He was tall, handsome, and kind. They talked while standing in the check-out line and decided to exchange phone numbers. Jim called later on that evening. They talked for hours. They liked similar things. Had some of the same values. They wanted similar things out of life.

After several months of dating, they decided that it would be to their benefit if they moved in together. Romona had already been down this road and explained to Jim that she really was looking to getting married and having a viable father for her children. She further explained to Jim that this was how she had started out with her children's father.

Jim assured her that things would be different and that he wanted a wife and a family. Months went by. Then they turned into a couple of years. Jim was a good father to her children and so she thought why not get pregnant.

Romona became pregnant and Jim was not a pleased as she was! She quickly quipped "we're getting married anyway, why not now?" Jim stayed and stayed, and stayed. Romona's children had graduated and were in college. Their son was entering into High School. That was when Jim decided that he had done his duty and wanted to pursue a relationship with someone much younger than Romona!

Thirty-five years had passed, no ring, no marriage, and Romona was alone!

Think Before You Leap

Love is something that we pursue in hopes that it will enrich our lives, and it does. However, it is in the pursuit of it that we can cause so much damage to the ones we love, Knowing when to cut our losses is key to avoiding this type of loss. However, as some people that I have spoken with says "it's easier said then done!"

Perhaps, it is the decline of the family that we do not have enough "healthy" images of what love and marriage should be that so easily allow us to fall prey to an illusion of what marriage and love is.

We don't wait long enough for relationships to prove themselves. We want to be loved and valued by another human being that wants to come home to us. Women will resort to tricks to keep the man, only to realize that if he doesn't really love you, he will not stay!


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    • profile image

      Jennifer 3 years ago

      Well given so many young people who have eihter attempted or were successful suicide isn't a new problem. I just want teens of today to realize teens of yesterday, or yester- decade+ endured the same thing. Fortunately my friend lived to regret her attempt find true love and have a beautiful daughter, but so many others as you know don't. Just doing my little part to get the word out. Thanks Katie, enjoy your Sunday.

    • Lady Summerset profile image

      Lady Summerset 8 years ago from Willingboro, New Jersey

      Greetings ann106,

      I have a women's ministry and book club and the same subjects are consistent. 1. Men who do not committ; 2. Dating married/committed men; and 3. Women having babies in this self-destructive situations. Surprisingly, I've met so many repeat offenders of these three.

      Thanks so much for your comment!

      Live Well Live Blessed!

    • annb106 profile image

      annb106 8 years ago

      You are so right. Many women think that by having a baby by a man will ensure her keeping him, if anything it runs him the other way very quick fast and in a hurry.