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He Wants Sex, AGAIN?!

Updated on June 23, 2018
Amber Byerly profile image

Amber is a wife and mom finishing up her degree in Marriage and Family Psychology. Her passion is helping others live free and victorious!

He Wants Sex, AGAIN?!

Do you hear the word sex and cringe?

Maybe there’s just no time! It’s like bronchitis, “ain’t nobody got time for that! We schedule everything else in life to make sure it gets done, sometimes we go through seasons in life where we have to schedule that also.

Maybe you’ve always been disconnected with sex because you don’t fully understand the impact it has on your marriage and what it was created to be which is a beautiful time of intimacy between you, your SPOUSE and God, the very one who created it.

Did your eyes just pop out of their sockets when you heard that? What? God is supposed to be involved in my sex life? ABSOLUTELY! Who better to have involved and a part of it than the very one who created it?

If your dishwasher breaks you don’t take it to the lawnmower repair shop. You call the dishwasher manufacturer! They made it, they know all the parts and how they are supposed to operate and can fix it. Unfortunately, God has been removed from the equation when it comes to sex.

Dare I say even in Christian marriages sex is viewed as a duty, a need of just the man, or reduced to simply a physical act that feels good, BUT only when we are in “the mood”, and definitely doesn’t include God.

When in reality it is a mental, spiritual and physical act of worship designed by our creator that the enemy has twisted into a distorted, diluted, act of selfishness and self-gratification leaving many filled with misery, wrong attitudes, and dissatisfaction.

I believe Christian marriages can and should have the best sex out there! Don’t run to romance novels, movies, TV shows, and things of the world for advice on what God created or to get your emotional or physical fix. That only leaves you empty and disillusioned. If you haven’t figured it out yet, they don’t have the answer. The world is searching and we need to be the ones showing them in whom the answer lies! There’s a reason why Mick Jagger couldn’t get no satisfaction.

They should be coming to us wondering what our secret is, NOT the other way around! Our marriages are suffering because we don’t know how or why we should be enjoying sex, and some even view it as dirty or just another thing you gotta do, like brushing your teeth.

In Genesis chapter one after God created the universe and everything in it, he looked at Adam and Eve and said, now be fruitful and multiply! In other words, go have sex! He created this amazing gift and wants them to go enjoy it! If you are rolling your eyes instead of shoutin’ when you hear that, then we’ve got some work to do, so let's keep going!

I’ve heard women say that the only reason God created sex was to procreate (can’t ever recall hearing a man say that though!), and that’s definitely one beautiful aspect of it. But to say that’s the only reason it was created, I believe, would be an insult to our creator!

God in all His wisdom could have come up with a billion other ways to “be fruitful and multiply” but He chose for that to happen as a pleasure-based act, exposed physically, emotionally and spiritually. God fearfully and wonderfully designed it so that when a husband and wife come together we get the privilege of discovering with each other the many details of our bodies that provide so many intense, wonderful physical sensations to be enjoyed together! God intended for us to experience full satisfaction in marriage! Sex is definitely pleasurable, but, once again, if all we view it as is an act all about physical pleasure, we are still missing the bigger picture of God’s design!

Sex is emotional. There is a hormone sent from neurotransmitters from Deep within the Limbic System of the brain called oxytocin. Oxytocin promotes bonding and attachment and is released during childbirth and nursing to promote bonding. And you guessed it, it’s also released during sex! During sex this chemical is being produced and released in both individuals, creating an emotional bond between them.

We need to view sex as holy, sacred, selfless, life-giving, emotionally bonding and yes, a very, very pleasurable act designed by God to unify and strengthen our marriage relationship like no other relationship we are to have on this earth.

Ask God to show you where there are unrealistic expectations, views or mindsets that are not of Him and to give you a revelation of all that He desires for your marriage so that you can have the marriage and sex life God intended for you to have and all the benefits that come with it.

© 2018 Amber Byerly


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    • Amber Byerly profile imageAUTHOR

      Amber Byerly 

      23 months ago from The Lou


      Thank you for the comments! I agree usually you are attracted to someone who shares the same values and interests, sometimes not. I have to say, my husband and I are night and day from each other! I have found that it was all the things in him that I wasn't that attracted me to him! That being said since we are so different those were also things that drove me crazy! Funny how that works! I don't think compatibility necessarily trumps compromise, I think it is both! No matter how compatible you may or may not be there WILL be compromise! Your point on being honest with each other is huge! I couldn't agree more! It only adds heartache later when one tries to "pull the wool over your eyes"! Relationships MUST remain intentional! You can't just stop doing all the things that made your relationship, of course, it will deteriorate! Relationships are like a garden. If you stop pulling weeds, watering the flowers, fertilizing, etc. It will get overgrown, bugs and rodents will move in and there may be an occasional bloom but it isn't going to look anything like it does when you are intentional about it! No one is going to be the same person 20 years, dare I say even 5 years, into a relationship and that's a good thing! We should always be growing and developing character! I, for one, am so thankful that my husband didn't wait until I was "perfect" (there is no such thing) before he married me. It has been a wonderful roller coaster ride growing and doing life with him!

    • dashingscorpio profile image


      23 months ago from Chicago

      The goal is to find someone who shares your same values, wants the same things for the relationship you do, naturally agrees with you on how to obtain those things, and last but not least have a (mutual) depth of love and desire for one another.

      Compatibility trumps compromise.

      Like attracts like and opposites attract divorce attorneys!

      Someone with a low libido should not marry someone with a high libido. If one person is content with having sex once a week while the other would like to have it four times a week; over the course of a year we'd be talking about 52 times VS 208 times!

      Someone once said a good compromise is when both parties walk away from the table unhappy. However that is not how a marriage should be. Secondly the person with the higher libido wants to feel (desired) and not like their mate/spouse is "doing them a favor"

      If people were upfront with each other about how they feel about sex and it's frequency before there was an emotional investment made this problem could have been avoided.

      Unfortunately what generally happens is during the "infatuation" or "honeymoon" phase of a new relationship it (appears) both people have the same libido! The word "no" is seldom if ever used.

      No one wants to say or do anything that might push away their new object of affection. However once a commitment has been established and an emotional investment made whereby a person feels its (safe) to reveal their "authentic self" without the fear of their mate automatically walking out on them.

      It's seen as a "bait & switch" in the eyes of many people.

      Gradually they stop doing all the things that caused their mate to fall in love with them. It's almost a cliché to hear someone say:

      "He/she is not the same person I fell in love with."

      If someone truly believes {sex is for procreation only} they should tell this to everyone they date early on rather than to pretend otherwise. When we change our circumstances change.

      The goal is to find someone who (already is) the kind of person you want to be with. Life is too short to be trying to change water into wine.

      There are only two ways to experience joy and peace of mind in relationships. Either we get what we want or we learn to be happy with what we have. Accept them (as is) or move on.

      The choice is up to us. Choose wisely!


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