He cheated so What Next
Should a Cheat Confess?
This is a grey area in my opinion. As I've said in previous articles. Do you feel better for knowing. Can you see how it happened and do you take some of the blame? If you do then wouldn't you have been better left in ignorance? I'm not one hundred percent sure how I feel about this one. I know someone who cheated. It was just the once and yeah, I know, so he says. But I believe him. I'm not saying he had good reason because he should have spoken to his wife and got their issues out there. He loves her but he forgot that for a moment. I say a moment, because it wasn't pre-meditated. It was an opportunistic moment. He regretted it but he told be that he convinced himself that he deserved it because his wife was not interested in sex. She was only interested in shopping and her friends according to him.
He should have spoken to her and they might have resolved a lot of their issues. He didn't though because he is a man and that wouldn't be the done thing would it? He simply got angry at her and made her the bad one when really it was a combination of both of them.
Now he's left with regret and a ton of guilt. Should he tell her? No I said when he asked me. He has no intention of doing it again, mostly because he feels crap all of the time and they've talked. Things are on the up for them and I truly believe him when he says it was a mistake he won't be repeating.
When Your Friend Tells You He Cheated
This is a horrible way to find out. How did he get so careless? Didn't he even care that other people knew about his infidelity? You will be wondering these things and a lor more.
When a friend tells us our partner has been cheating, we get a double whammy. We feel deceived, hurt and embarrassed because it seems other people know. Your friend probably isn't the only one. You have to deal with his cheating and her judgement of him and perhaps you too.
Friends might be filled with angst over whether or not to tell you about your cheating partner. They may not know what to do for the best and it might take them a while to get up the nerve to tell you. On the other hand, they might not like your partner and they might relish telling you.
You should always be mindful of the fact that you are only getting their version of the story. Things and events get distorted and the truth becomes somewhat lost in translation.
Don't go crazy and charge into his work-place, tearing at his shirt or slapping him in the face. Sit calmly and take in this revelation before confronting him.
Confronting a Cheating Partner
Sit him down and calmly tell him you know about his affair and ask him for his version of events.
Don't judge right away, but don't let him wear you down making you feel it's all your fault. There is often fault on both sides, but at the end of the day he did the cheating not you.
Don't ask for all of the lurid details. It won't help you and it serves no purpose. All you need to know is that he has been unfaithful. Now you need to work out how you are going to deal with that.
Take Some Time Out
Take some time to let it sink in. Ask him to leave for a while while you digest what you know. If he refuses then you know he's not thinking about you at all.
Give yourself a couple of weeks or longer if you need it. Do the things you love. See your friends and keep yourself busy.
Consider the good things about your relationship. Do you want to lose that? Can you forgive and more importantly can you forget? Be realistic. Have you been suspicious in the past? Do you think he may have done this before? You know. Deep down we all know. My ex partner cheated and even though he still denies it til this day, I knew he did. I am an intelligent woman and I also have a little thing called intuition. In the end I got sick of what I knew were lies and I left him.
If you always feel like your partner is lying to you then the chances are he is. Use your instinct. If your intuition tells you something is up, then take it that something is up.
Do What is right For You
Think about yourself here. You and only you know what is right at this moment. You might want to give it another go and that's okay.
Sometimes we give up all too soon, especially if there are other issues that lead to him being unfaithful.
Relationships don't come with a manual. They are complicated and they are all different.