Heartaches like a toothache in the middle of my sternum, burning like sterno freshly lit.
Joy reduced to ash, ashes pulverized by the continued beating of the heart.
Between aches comes a roaring in my ears pounding like holy rollers in my temples.
Great loss recently excised that managed to stay around long enough, to grip my heartstrings and pull them, like spastic elastic far beyond their ability to stretch.
The exact reverse of what it feels like when you're first in love.
That rush of adrenaline, the lump in your chest, the I can't catch my breath, ohhhh,there she is pittapatterpittapaterpittapaterpit.
But this is a caustic crush a-drain-a-line in reverse through a meat grinder of pain.
Memories churning, grief returning, Oh to just cut this aching heart out, and throw it as far as the most distant star, tumbling in scarlet and yellow flame, through the universe.
But then the soul will step through that hole left by its expulsion bringing with it eternal sorrow.
Heartaches take time, rest, and rejuvenate focus on something beautiful, that is still around. empty the mind of all the burrs that stir the heart into agony....and just breathe.
Relief came somewhat when I held the hand of my small child.
He knows so little of heartache. I looked for a second or two into his eyes, the depth of those pools know mostly peace and joy for now. it swept me with a flood of tears as he just said " I Love you!."
How sad that this magic children know so young,it wears away as their eyes see the reality of the world at large.
As their hearts are burdened with words that wound and adult games that hurt and love that is not uncompromising.
Heartaches begin then and the youthful elation fades.
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