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He's Just Not That Into You

Updated on November 28, 2010

Women are very good at convincing themselves that a man is more interested than he is. They get their sights set on someone, have a date or two, suck face, yadda, yadda, and maintain a semi-serious relationship for a few months. At the end of that time, she demands they take things to the next level (whatever that may be) and things get a bit surreal from that point onward.

Not surreal to her, mind you; to those of us observing. We've probably all done it at one point in time, and we know that you can't really make someone see something they don't want to see. Yes, the men in question are totally leading you on, and that sucks. But.. they aren't really hiding what they're up to, so it's hard to do more than give them a dirty look for it. It's clear to everyone around you that he's just not that into you -- but you don't see it yourself. So here are 5 tips for recognizing when a man just isn't that into you.

(Yes -- there will be some exceptions. But not many.)

He takes more than 24 hours to reply to your emails, phone calls or text messages.

Unless he's a spy, soldier, or currently on a desert island somewhere, there is no excuse for a man not getting back to you within a day's time. Men who are truly interested do not play these types of games. He's not getting back to you because he's actively pursuing other women in some shape or form. Do not fall for that "hectic at work" crap. Yes, once in a while it might be that hectic at work, but if it's happening every day, he's just not that into you.

He doesn't use your name.

It may surprise you to know how infrequently he calls your name. Think about it. I dated someone for ages and it never even occurred to me that he rarely spoke my name. In fact, he mostly only used it when introducing me. This is a subconcious boundary; if he's keeping distance at this level, something is up.

He doesn't touch you.

By this, I mean he never brushes up against you, he never sits close enough on the sofa to make contact (unless he wants to make *that kind* of contact), he never holds your hand, etc. Many women tell themselves that's just a man thing -- it's really not. That's just how they are when they aren't that into you.

He doesn't initiate contact.

Yes, he might talk when you call him, he might even talk for an hour at a time -- but does he ever call you first? Or does he leave that to you? A man who is interested will want to know how you are, and will make the effort to find out, even if it's just a simple "how's u?" text message.

He always leaves first thing in the morning, even when he doesn't have anywhere he needs to be.

This guy doesn't necessarly want to be alone, he just doesn't want to be around you. Why? Because if you're not in bed, and if you aren't on a date (or anything else which is supposed to lead to bed) that means he's going to have to interact with you. The problem is, he's not into you enough to know how to do that. Which would make things awkward -- so he leaves.

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