Hide and Seek Lovegames
Wanna play a lovegame?
Have you ever found yourself stuck in a game of hide and seek with a man that one day is almost adoring you, being the sweetest gentleman you’ve ever known, catering to your every need, and the day after…Disappears? I have, and I know it comes as no surprise to the ones of you who have read my previous blogs; what can I say? I am just THAT lucky when it comes to relationships and finding that piece of the puzzle that will complete the picture eventually. In any case, this game of hide and seek with my half admirer has been going on now for at least two months, and I am trying to formulate a few hypothesis as to why men in general play hide and seek games when it comes to romantic relationships. Granted, I realize that, regardless of the reasons, this situation is simply something that is *NOT* working the way it should, and I hope that all women out there reading this blog understand this very point, because I see women wondering all the time if they should insist in being part of the life of a man who is not completely there to share the good AND the bad times. No Lady, if you are looking for commitment and an actual relationship, *please* shy away from Mr. Hide and Seek because his lack of active participation in your daily routine just means, once again, that **he’s not that into you**, plain and simple, regardless of the circumstances that are not allowing him to like you as you wish and deserve.
With that said, let’s take a look at the possible scenarios behind half romances:
1. The guy has been recently burnt out in another long-term relationship and, despite the fact he may really like you, he is not ready to make nice to you, to her, nor to anybody else out there. He’s touched the candle, got his fingers stuck in the hot wax for a few seconds, and is very reluctant to take the chance of going through that stinging pain once more. At this stage of his life, he may feel lonely and look for some kind of companionship (and sex above all), which will lead him to wanting to play the game, still making no promises about the future, which ultimately explains his alternated periods of absence and sudden show-ups in your existence. What I think about this type of situation is go for it if you know you’re the type of woman who can deal with this kind of man, but expect nothing from the dude, nothing whatsoever, and *above all* do not (you hear what I’m saying??), DO NOT develop any sort of romantic feeling for him and don’t find yourself fantasizing about possible developments in the relationship. I find myself doing that from time to time, and every time, I have to kick myself in the shins to get out of that state of mind.
2. The guy is young. I’m sorry ladies, but unless young guys are from some remote farm in Kansas, Kentucky, or South Dakota, do not expect a 20-something year old dude to want to get serious with you in that phase of his life. As a matter of fact (and remember, I am generalizing here, so there is always some kind of exception to the rule eventually) the life of a boy in his early 20’s can be summarized in just a few words: men-friends, booze, food, and girlS (please note the capital “s” in my latter word, and be aware that the word girls can be easily swapped with the word sex in this context).
3. The guy has an ego comparable in size to a small state, like Rhode Island, or even Connecticut, with the exception that this state (his personal state) has its own government, army, and defining work of art (usually statue or building) that makes it recognizable worldwide. This kind of guy comes and goes because the only person he’s ever truly loved is himself; he’s effected by what’s been defined as “emotional ADD”, which leads him to alternate moments of attention (to you) to long periods of absence. He will show up when he’s feeling lonely and in need to get laid, and then will vanish again in the great unknowns. It is really up to you to decide if this kind of person is worthy of receiving what he’s looking for (sex primarily, and some way to keep his ego inflated throughout this journey of life), but don’t be surprised if he’ll disappear one day to never come back, only to get to know later on that he found another victim to get his daily dose of blood out of.
4. The guy has emotional scars that he truly never took care of. Honestly, I’m a psychology student, and I am quite aware of the fact that “everybody’s got issues”. It’s true; the way the combination of our nature and nurture in the earliest stages of life (mostly by the age of 5) defines our persona, strongly influences how we act towards others and react to events that happen later on in our existence, especially when it comes to bonding with the other sex and the degree of intimacy that we allow ourselves to share with our partners. Ideally in those first few years of our life we all have lived a perfect infancy in a loving family where time was shared harmoniously and TV was not part of our upbringing. Now, back to reality. Majority of the people living in the US unfortunately have gone through some sort of trauma by age 10, at least, either it being divorce, alcoholism, death, emotional abuse, or violence. We simply cannot think that such experiences will pass us by without leaving any trace in the person we’ll develop to be later in life. This doesn’t necessarily mean that “oh well, we’re screwed up, and there’s no way to fix it”. Wrong. There are ways to fix almost everything. I remember this Sicilian saying that my mother always used to tell me earlier in my life “Only death has no remedy”, and somehow I have incorporated that dictum into my own mentality. What it takes is really just the awareness that something is madly wrong with us, and that we oughta fix it for our own sake, first of all, and for the sake of the people around us who love us and have to put up with our BS. I believe in change, but I also believe that change *must* stem from the person who needs it because nobody can be changed against their will. So many women waste their time trying to change men, and I know how it feels, I have done that myself in the past, up until my last long term relationship with a man who was seriously emotionally broken. His mother abandoned him at the age of three on the corner of the street, and if his dad wouldn’t have picked him up, he would have gone to foster care. He ended up spending days and days crying at the bottom of a staircase waiting for his mother to come back, but she never did. I wanted to save this man so badly. I wanted to make him understand that not all women are out there to betray him and abandon him like his mother had, but he never let me into his life enough for us to be intimate enough to form a real partnership made of unconditional love and trust. So, after four years I gave up. The way this event has devastated his life is absolutely obvious to the eye of the people who truly love him, but he, himself, cannot see it. Ultimately the guy with emotional scars comes and goes because he can’t build a relationship of trust with anybody, he’s constantly on the run, always trying to figure out where and when you’re gonna do him wrong. My advice in this case is do not even get involved in this for no reason. This is the *one* case where, no matter what, you’re gonna get hurt.
Well, ladies and gentlemen, I think I am done rambling for today. Feel free to mix up the reasons I have listed above for hide and seek romantic games as you wish. Granted a young man who’s had a shitty childhood and has recently broken up with his high school sweetheart of 5 years is a huge NO-NO, but I’ll let your commonsense do the rest of the job.
© 2010 Roberta S