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Honesty is the best policy, am I right?

Updated on October 21, 2015

"He is not into you"

Those five little words that are just too hard to mouth: "He is not into you". Yet, the exact same five words that could potentially save her from a heartbreak weeks, months - maybe even years down the line.

When our girlfriends come to us and say how they've met this guy but he's not replying, or can't see her, or isn't ready for commitment what is it we say?

"I'm sure he's just saying that"

"How can he not like you, you're amazing"

"Don't be silly, of course he likes you!"

"He's probably had a bad relationship and doesn't want to rush into things"

Why do we say this when we know that they're lies? Is lying to prevent heartbreak now, worse than telling the truth to prevent heartbreak later? Or is it that we don't want to be the reason for the heartbreak because it is easier to comfort someone when they're upset with someone else?


In all honesty, I am as guilty as the other convicts lying to their friends. Maybe it's because I want to believe he isn't going to hurt her. Maybe it's because I like to think the best out of these situations. Or maybe it's because I would rather live in a prison of thoughts than be executed for sharing the truth.

How many of us can actually say that we would say to our friends:

"He doesn't like you"

"It's obvious that you're wasting your time"

"Move onto someone else - someone more your own league"

If you can honestly say that you do, then I salute you. Please teach me some of that bravery.

Six signs he's not into you..

How many times have we seen self-help pages like that?

Too many.

How many of them are written by psychologists or "relationship experts"?

Too many.

I digress, but how can you be a relationship expert? No two relationships are the same.

Anyway, all of these pages sitting there waiting to read by the girls sat at home, crying into their Ben and Jerry's while watching chick flicks and their own friend can't tell them the truth.

You know why? Because it is easier for someone who doesn't know you, and has no attachment to your feelings, to say: "He doesn't like you and i'm going to prove how he doesn't like you in six steps"

That's cold.

Now it's your turn. Be honest.

Would you tell your friend that a guy didn't like her?

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    • dashingscorpio profile image

      dashingscorpio 2 years ago

      "Never love anyone who treats you like you're ordinary."

      - Oscar Wilde

    • dashingscorpio profile image

      dashingscorpio 2 years ago


      I have no idea why a real/best friend would not be honest about their opinion. You can be honest but tactful by saying something along the lines: "You may want to watch out for.... because it sounds like he may be playing you. I could be wrong BUT just to be on the safe side ....etc"

      My guess is some people worry about their friend choosing their boyfriend/girlfriend over them if they shoot down their romance.

      However the saddest thing of all is that people need a friend to tell them what should be obvious to themselves!

      Each of us gets to (choose) our own friends, lovers, and spouse.

      We get to choose who we spend our time with.

      If anyone is having one bad relationship/dating experience after another then it's probably time (they) re-examine their "mate selection criteria". The only thing all of your bad relationships have in common is (you).

      Another key factor especially for younger women is they are too immature to realize guys in their late teens and in their 20s have no real interest in settling down! They have not been "dreaming about getting married" since their childhood. They didn't read the romance novels concerning prince charming and knights in shinning armor. As children they didn't pretend to be fathers.

      A guy in that age group wants to play video games, watch sports, party with friends, and get laid! He's in no hurry to become his parents!

      The very idea of marriage, signing a 30 year mortgage, and having children is like watching their lives flash before their eyes!

      Most men these days are really ready to settle down until they're almost 30 or older. Dating for them is all about having FUN. (as it should be).

      The majority of people younger have not figured out who (they) are let alone what they want and need in a mate for life. Youth is about discovery and exploration as well as learning what is right for you.

      If someone really knew what they wanted in a mate they'd have their own checklist to compare in regards to if he/she is "right" for them.

      They wouldn't need a friend to point out the obvious!

      Know yourself, Love yourself, Trust yourself.

      One man's opinion!:)