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How Do I Marry The Right Partner

Updated on December 11, 2012

Marriage is no doubt the most fascinating institution on planet earth, you know why? Now, have you ever sat down and wonder the science behind two different people who never knew or hardly knew each other from birth, coming together in agreement to become one forever by sharing their emotional feelings, mental traumas, financial success and failures, beliefs and disbeliefs in spite of their individual differences? The philosophy and science behind marriage is so complicated to the extent that no single book can cover it.

Most people today fail to understand the fact that marriage is not an institution for kids, and out of ignorance and less awareness, they jump into it and only to jump out within a short period of time, which is why we are witnessing more and more divorces in today marriages, and the major reasons why majority of marriages fail today, are what I am about to share with you here as a way of educating every prospective married person reading this to get it right when they finally venture into their own marriage.

Before I continue, I want to forewarn you that love is not enough reason to marry someone. Yes you heard me so well; love is not enough to say ‘I do’ to someone, don’t go, read on…

Remember, love is one of the pre-requisites of going into marriage, but it is not all what is needed to sustain a marriage. In the western world today, for instance, in the United States of America, you see teenagers who just graduated from the high school falling in love with their high school mates and before you know it, they are married, and within the next two to three years, they are separated or divorced, and within a short period of time again, they fall in love again, remarry again, and divorce again. Do you think these teenagers planned to divorce before going into marriage? NO! They only ventured into it ignorantly out of love, and when they discover that love is not enough, they want out.

Now, the question is: how do you marry the right partner? Marrying the right partner doesn’t necessarily require a special love spell or magic like someone people do think, and it doesn’t require too much prayer if you understand what marriage entails. Marriage is a lifetime commitment; it is not a temporary agreement to cohabit, nope, it is a life decision to live and be committed to someone you hardly knew from birth. Haven made that known, do you still believe that love is enough to keep a marriage happy and lasting? If you still believe that, then you need to adjust your eye glasses very well, clear your mind off every doubt and read on carefully, because I am about to blow your mind with an unbelievable secret to a lasting marriage.

If love is enough to marry someone, then most celebrity marriages won’t fail, and believe me, if love is all what is required to keep a marriage going, then most marriages wouldn’t have ended up in a divorce.

Before I let the heavens loose, may I further inform you that no matter how much you claim to love a person, with constant cohabitation- sleeping, eating, drinking, crying, laughing, and doing everything together, boredom will surely set in? Remember, one partner may not be bored with the other partner, but definitely one person must develop boredom, and it is always the male that first develops this problem of boredom in marriage. I know what you’re thinking right now, but please don’t call names yet, be patient and hear me out. Men naturally are adventurous in nature; this does not imply that all men cheat, don’t get me wrong, but do have it in mind that men are like wild animals who don’t like to be kept indoors and being fed like the household animals.

Now listen to me, if you are about getting married or you are planning to get married either as a man or woman, please do bear in mind that boredom must come in, and do also bear in mind that marriage is not all glossy and smooth. Every marriage must experience boredom and what I call ‘point of diminishing return’, and you can only conquer those moments if you married your friend, and not just your love. This last point leads us to the major point- marrying your friend.

Marry Your Friend

Friendship is what keeps a marriage happy, lasting and successful and not just love. Remember, what constitutes love between a man and a woman from two different family are- physical attraction (a man cannot love a woman he is not physically attracted to, that’s the hard truth most people don’t know, and same goes to a woman, though women most times compromise), lust, character, attitude, value (what the other partner means to you; it maybe financial provision, intelligence, humor, religious needs, career, political, etc), and then personality. The above factors are what makes up love between a man and a woman. With this in mind, I want to ask you: what do you think would happen when one partner starts to lose their physical attraction which happened to be amongst the things that made the other partner to love them? Obviously, there are no two ways about it, the love will die down, and this is one of the reasons you see some married people cheating on their partners.

This ushers us into another topic altogether- the importance of friendship in marriage. If you marry your friend, believe me, when the challenges of physical attraction, boredom, etc sets in, friendship will definitely conquer them. Remember, true friendship has no attachment unlike love. If you can be honest with yourself, you will agree with me that most often, the people we value so much as our friends are far from that perfect human being we picture in our mind, whereas the people we love or want to love, are those we believe are perfect in everything, which is why we love them so much because we so much believe in them to the extent that whatever they do is perfect to us. Now when we marry this person we believe is perfect, believe me, we must discover so many imperfections about them, and this is where so many marriages begin to experience challenges, and if the two parties involved are not good and fortunate enough to resolve the issue on time, the marriage may end up in a breakup.

What am I trying to say? If you search through your heart right now, you will agree with me that those people you have in your heart as your best friends, are people you argue with, fight with, laugh with, disagree with on so many occasions, whereas that person you love so dearly is the one you hardly exchange words or argue with just because you see him or her as a perfect human being.

If you marry your friend, you will enjoy your marriage, and you will be able to tolerate them even in very difficult times, but if you marry someone who is just your love, you will be so pissed with them once there is an issue to the extent that you may desire to breakup.

Like I said earlier, every marriage must encounter challenges- it may be child birth issues, financial, sexual, attraction, attitudinal, behavioral or extended family, which are bound to break up the marriage, but you and your partner’s ability to overcome such periods, are what will make your marriage last, and such periods can only be conquered by people who married their friends.

You may be wondering: ‘what is so special about friendship in marriage’? To answer that question, let me bring this to your knowledge that friendship conquers weakness; it makes you look beyond other people’s perfection. Friendship in marriage conquers selfishness which is bound to come in, in every marriage. Friendship in marriage focuses on giving without receiving while love in marriage focuses on receipt. Friendship in marriage helps partners to see beyond the other partner’s limitations; by looking for ways to polish the other partner’s weaknesses to become their greatest strength.

Finally, before you say ‘I do’ to that man or woman, please make sure you are his or her friend, and that he or she is your friend too, with that, you are assured to have a loving, lasting marriage. I wish you joy, happiness and life fulfillment in your marital endeavor.


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