- Gender and Relationships
I Love You, Stranger!
Do you tell people you have a crush on them?
Taking The Leap
How do you get into a relationship with a girl/boy who doesn’t know you? This is a good question posed by everyone at some point. We all have fallen for the cutie with no name.
To begin with, you need to introduce yourself. You need to get this person to know you exist. Be polite. Be friendly. Be calm. You don’t want them to know immediately why you walked over. There are a few reasons why this is so.
The first reason is looks can be deceiving. You want to get to know this person a little before you try to ask them out. For example, there’s this attractive blue-eyed creature who sits next to you in Algebra. You can’t stop looking at them. From the way they answer questions, hold their pencil, etc. you have a feeling that you two would be compatible. After weeks of drooling, you finally get up the courage to say hello. They look at you, sizing you up. They say hello back, but you can tell from their tone that they are just being polite. They don’t want you inside their bubble. You aren’t their type. On the other hand, they say hello and give you a cute smile. They proceed to tell you their life story, hungry for attention. You are bored after the first minute. Unfortunately, they will now be talking to you after class until the year is over. In both cases, the cutie turned out to be the opposite of your vision of them. Aren’t you happy your first words weren’t “Want to go out with me?”
Another reason is you are approaching them because of their appearance. If you think they are attractive, chances are you won’t be the first one to think so. They will more than likely be tired of guys/girls coming up to them based on their looks alone. By greeting them warmly, appearing like you have no other motives, but being friendly, they are more apt to give you a chance. On the other hand, they may not. If you’ve seen any high school related movie, you know the urban legend that attractive people aren’t nice people. If you aren’t up to their standards, they will dismiss you. If you say hello and are dismissed soon after, you won’t feel as bad as you would have if you had come with your heart on your sleeve.
One more reason is that they might be taken already or playing for the other team. While none of us want to think of a cutie as this unattainable, the possibility is always there. You need to enter into the conversation as if you only want to be their friend. Try to pick up on signals. Even if they are unattainable, you can’t have too many friends.
Once you have successfully introduced yourself and know that they are single and are open to talking to you and you’re still open to talking to them, try to keep the conversation going. Keep things general. Look for cues in your surroundings. You can learn a lot about someone from what they say about the weather. Try to not immediately make things personal. While you may feel that it is important for a perspective partner to know about your sister’s oddly shaped rash, more often than not telling people ultra personal information during the first meeting scares them off. You don’t want them to think you’re weird and be known forever as “the kid who told the cutie that his sister had an oddly shaped rash.” The early stage of any relationship is awkward. Don’t make it more awkward by telling them too much too soon.
The most important thing to do is to make yourself known though and build a friendship. While it’s romantic to pine over someone, it is also ineffective. You need to take a chance and open yourself up to getting hurt. You also need to get to know someone before trying to build a romantic relationship with them. I’ve seen far too many relationships fail because either or both partners didn’t know an important detail about the other. I know how difficult it can be to try to be someone’s friend when you want to date them. However, you’ll appreciate that you took the time to get to know them when you’re celebrating your tenth anniversary with them and your friends who refuse to take the time in the beginning to get to know someone are ending their twelfth unsuccessful relationship.