How I Could Successfully Be Friends with a Few Hollywood Female Legends

WRITER’S NOTE: The photos of these gorgeous ladies who built Hollywood with one smile, wink, and wiggle at the time, are not being exploited. My background in advertising has taught me one age-old principle. If you want people to pay attention to your product, display a photo of photo(s) of a gorgeous woman or women. That principle has never changed. KENNETH.

There has been a lot of talk lately about everyone’s drop in traffic on HubPages. Although a univeral problem among Hub members, still, it is not in the same category of the Manhattan Project. (Anyone remember what that one was for?)

I wanted to prove two things to you and myself. First, I wanted to prove that not all men are bound by lust for beautiful girls. And just for sex. There are, although in minority terms, men such as myself who adore and appreciate women such as those in the photos to the right for their company and yes, their friendship if it should lead that far.

These beauties made their marks on Hollywood as well as the world long before I came into my own by way of knowing what the facts of life really meant. Funny. When I was at age six, I thought when people would say facts of life, they meant to not stand in the road when a diesel rig was “high-balling” it toward me.

So with that being said, secondly, I would love to confess to you how I honestly look at each of these nine “dreamboats,” and what I would do with them if I had been given the opportunity.

1. Jayne Mansfield – what a doll. Pretty blond hair and that dynamite smile. With Jayne, I would enjoy quiet dinners in the French Quarters in New Orleans and just soak-in what she wants to talk about. Then I would relish in the idea to get to walk her home and with a gentle peck-of-a-kiss on the cheek (from her), I would walk back to my travel trailer a happy man.

2. Marilyn Monroe – she loved to swim and wear border-line taboo bathing suits. So I would develop a friendship with her that included swimming in the ocean every day. Plus bring along a picnic basket full of lo-calorie snacks and spend each sunny summer afternoon just watching her do whatever, including building a sand castle. To me, Marilyn was a human first, then a sex symbol.

3. Sophia Lore – you guys are wondering how could I get near Sophia Loren and not let sex drift into my mind. Easy. I would talk about her native Italy and its many rich traditions. And a sensitive topic of why she never learned to speak English.

4. Betty Grable – who had her legs, it was said, insured for one-million dollars. But that is not why I would love to take Betty to a swanky, retro nightclub and ask the manager to allow her to sing. Yes, Betty had an amazing voice. That would be the basis for us to be such great friends. No, I wouldn’t say one word about her pretty legs.

5. Raquel Welch – another misunderstood sex symbol whose presence in film made millions of people happy. Me included. I loved her full lips, eyes, and laugh. I understand that she likes to ride horses. So be it. I would simply phone-up Robert Redford and tell him I need two good horses for Raquel Welch and myself. Plus I would tell him to keep his distance as we ride on his backyard: Wyoming.

6. Jean Harlow – arguably the sexiest blond in early Hollywood films. She never really had to work that hard at being desirable. All she had to do is show-up on the movie set. But she also had a freaky sense of humor, so Jean and I would pull pranks on her friends and get a cameraman to film them for us to watch that night in the privacy of her mansion. Then I would go back to my apartment and hit the hay.

7. Ann Margaret – oh how I loved her when I was a teenager, a twenty-something and a full-grown man. She starred with anyone who was anyone ranging from Elvis Presley to Joe Namath. But with me, she would talk only about those jerk men who only wanted her for her body. And I would agree how low this act really is. After an exquisite dinner, she would walk me to the front door of her plush apartment, shake hands with me and I would go back to my Holiday Inn Express and make plans to see her the next day.

8. Jane Russell – the late Howard Hughes made Russell a superstar in his movie, “The Outlaw,” where in one steamy scene, she posed in a low-cut, off-the-shoulder blouse and with those eyes and brunette hair, well, I admire Hughes for his eye for gorgeous girls. But when Jane and I “do the town,” we are driven around in a handsome cab and she would love it. After some quiet dancing in an out-of-the-way club, she and I would end-up at her apartment. Then she would do the old “slip into something more comfortable,” bit consisting of shorts, tee-shirt and her hair tied in a pony tail. I would ask her permission to tell her how pretty I thought she was. She would smile. Then embrace me for not more than ten seconds. Then I would call a cab and head back to my Best Western for some sleep.

9. Ava Gardner – I hate to hurt the Frank Sinatra (who was once married to her) fans on Hubs, but Frank was an idiot for letting Ava get away. What was he thinking? If he had grown-up where I did where there were no girls like Ava Gardner, he might have thought twice about divorcing her. But that is irrelevant. When Ava Gardner and I would get together, we would spend a long fall evening in the park walking, talking, and me just adoring her voice and mannerisms. Truth, folks.

   You see, folks. Times have changed. Some men have changed. I have changed because I learned that God did not place women, famous or not, on earth to just provide sexual pleasures for men.

   There is such a thing as being friends with a beautiful woman.

   (I just realized something after I read this through. I need help.)