- Gender and Relationships
How Long to Wait for that Second Date
You went on a first date and it was all you expected it to be if not more. He/she was charming, funny, easy to talk to, down to earth, you laughed out loud, you smiled, you even ended the night with a kiss and a hint at a promise to see each other again, although no specific words were given.
He may have said something like, "This is only a prelude." Or she may have said something like, "I look forward to seeing you again."
Was that enough? You wanted to ask right then and there, "Hey, will I see you again?"
But let's be honest for a minute. Even if you did ask that question and things seemed nice to you, maybe your partner didn't feel the same way. And they may have responded with words you wanted to hear, even though they never meant it, just to spare your feelings.
My advice: Don't ask.
Watch for the hints the day after the date. Did he/she call or text? If they called you the same night of the date, it's a good sign. If they called you the day after and every day/night after that for a week, it's a great sign. If they are in constant contact but still are not asking you for that number two, there could be valid reasons why.
1. They may be seeing other people but don't want to lose track of you. This does not mean they are not interested in you. All it means is you are in the running. And that's what dating really is. The best way to handle this is to realize that you only had one date and you are not exclusive. Then do what they do; date other people and put them in the running. They either win you or lose you. Either way, you win in the end. You don't want someone who isn't interested enough to make sure you're not lost to someone else.
2. They are feeling you out by contacting you frequently just to see if you're interested as well or if you are still available and not dating someone else. This could mean they are just slower at it or possibly not sure if you are worth investing a second date on. Refer to #1 above.
3. They may be too busy at work and this happens a lot, so they keep you on the string until they can free up time to ask you on the second date. They may not want to turn you off by saying, "Hey, I want a second date but my work schedule is booked for another week or two, not sure when, how about you wait for me and I'll let you know. Just don't date anyone else please." No one would like that and no one would wait.
The thing about dating is you never really know how the other person feels about you or if they have other people waiting in the wings to date. Dating doesn't mean you commit yourself to the first person you like. Dating is like a buffet of people. You try different ones and when you finally decide on the one you like the best, you can have seconds or thirds and always keep it on the menu. Whatever you do, shop around. You will know when it's time to stop shopping.
While you're waiting for that second date, do yourself a favor and go out, shop, exercise, do anything but think about it. Focus on other things, even other dates. If it comes, you can buy yourself something new to wear for it. If it doesn't, buy yourself something new anyway and wear it on a first date with a whole new person.