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How Men And Women Are Different
It's more than just physical:
The differences between men and women go way beyond just the physical traits. Our minds are wired completely differently, which the main reason why there are so many issues with communication in relationships today. By understanding how we are different we can better work together in harmony, the way it was meant to be.
Men and women are like two pieces of a puzzle. They aren't supposed to be the same. When they compliment one another, rather than fight against each other, they compliment one another in such a way that the picture becomes whole.
In the eyes of the beholder:
Men and women's eyes are build unlike the other. The number of "black and white" receptors verses "color" receptors is not the same. The shape and function are different for a reason. Literally seeing the world differently causes some of the major communication gaps we see in relationships.
Men see verbs. Women see nouns. How does that make any difference when it comes to how we communicate? Because even when we look at the same thing, we aren't looking at the same thing!
While a woman is looking at what it is, a man is look at what it is doing or where it is going. He isn't going to notice the details because he is focused on the actions.
When you're on a date, for example: He isn't looking at what your wearing as much as how you move. This is one of the reasons men don't tend to remember what you wore on that all important first date. A woman, on the other hand, drinks in every last detail. She remembers what he was wearing, how his hair was combed, what the waiter looked like, where the table was in the restaurant. She is logging away "nouns". The who, what, and where of the event. He is logging the verbs. Was there a disturbance? Did someone spill something? Were you playing with your hair or twisting your napkin?
Since our attention is drawn to alternative views of the same event, we remember it differently, we process it differently, and we recall it differently. When the same story is told by a man and a woman, the details reflect these differences.
Focus man, focus!
Along with the difference in how we see and what we focus on because of that, we reach our next hurtle. The difference in how we carry ourselves.
While a woman expects someone to look her in the eye when she's talking, a man could really care less (most of the time). He doesn't need to be sitting directly in front of someone or looking right at them. Again, he's paying attention to verbs. He's being drawn to where the action is. Faces don't have much action, so they don't hold his attention very long.
Men don't like to stand directly in front of one another, looking straight into the other person's eyes. That's a position of threat and confrontation! He would much rather be scanning the area for those wonderful verbs.
When a man doesn't look at his woman head-on, it isn't because he's being rude or uncaring. It's because he isn't feeling threatened and doesn't want to threaten her. He's actually doing, by his mind, the right thing. Just as when a woman says "look at me when I'm talking to you", in her mind, is the right thing to do.
Talk the talk:
Women, on average, use over 2,000 more words per day while speaking then men do! Why? Well, it isn't because they aren't smart enough and it isn't because they are lazy. It's because men are direct and like to keep it simple!
When we examine this difference, we can easily see how it can cause relationship snags and "communication problems". A woman will end up feeling like her husband never talks to her, while the man is just wishing his wife would shut up already!
Women love the details, they love to add in emotions, explanations, and reasons. They love to express! Men are "men of action". They don't have time for reading the instructions, they just want to get to work and get it done. "Get to the point woman!"
Here's an example of how a woman would write a note to another woman:
Hey sweety! How are you doing? Well, I was just thinking about how the other day when we were walking in the mall together and saw that totally cute outfit in the store window, you remember the one. It had the black stripes with the raised collar, the fitted jeans and those to die for shoes! Anyway, that got me thinking about our closet and how it so doesn't look very organized anymore. I was wondering if you wouldn't mind cleaning out your half. I'm going to get my half done when I get home, don't worry. I just think it would be so great if we got it all organized and whatnot so that it looks nice. I super appreciate it! You're beautiful. Talk to you later.
Now here is how a man would leave a note for another man over the same thing:
Clean your side of the closet.
The man isn't being rude. He's just being straight to the point. He doesn't need to add anything other than the vital information.
When a man reads a letter from a woman he gets lost in all of the "fluff". He struggles to figure out why she needed to waste so much time writing all of that extra stuff around the, now hard to find, request.
When a woman reads a letter from a man she gets offended that it is so cold, short, and rude. She doesn't understand why he wouldn't add all of those little extras that make it more enjoyable and personable.
Words of Praise
Men and women give and receive compliments differently. Men want and give compliments about verbs. Women want and give compliments about nouns. If we really wanted to rock the boat we could do something super crazy like; compliment each gender by the way they like to receive it rather than how you prefer to give it.
Women like nouns. I can't stress this enough. So gentleman, when you want to really give a good compliment, focus on the nouns.
- You look really nice tonight.
- You look great in that dress.
- You look fantastic in those shoes.
- You did a great job on that project at work
- You did a wonderful job on washing the dishes.
(starting to see a pattern?) Notice HER more than what she is wearing or what she has done.
Ladies, when you want to really knock his socks of with a great compliment, focus on the verbs! What did he do, not him.
- Wow honey, the lawn looks fantastic
- I can't believe what a nice restaurant this is
- This food tastes great, thanks for picking out the restaurant tonight.
- The dishes look great, thanks honey!
- The car smells wonderful, I really appreciate how clean it is now.
He knows that he is the one who did it. He loves when his work and efforts are noticed and appreciated.
So much more...
There are many more ways that men and women differ. Hopefully this short list has given you some food for thought. Understanding how we are different really can make all the difference in a relationship. Once you know that your sweety isn't trying to be rude or inconsiderate, they are just doing what comes natural to them, it makes it a lot easier to let go of some of what irritates us.